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House and home

Moving to holiday home

(37 Posts)
Gingster Thu 05-Aug-21 08:14:51

We have been lucky to have a holiday cottage by the sea for nearly 22 years. We spend a lot of time here and love it.
My friends and family live near our permanent residence, 80 miles away. It is very busy and the roads are becoming virtually grid-locked every day. My Dh wants to move to our seaside house permanently and sell up our permanent house.

I would love to move but I know I will miss my life and my friends and family. We don’t really have friends at the cottage , just neighbours. My Dh isn’t sociable and doesn’t need people but I do.
What would you do?
I don’t like driving and only do so locally, so I wouldn’t be able to journey up and down easily.

Beechnut Thu 05-Aug-21 09:03:24

I won’t be in your position so I don’t know what I would do Ginster.

Why don’t you do it the other way for a year or so and use your main residence for the holiday home. See if that helps a permanent move.

Kali2 Thu 05-Aug-21 09:09:43

Just what I was going to suggest Beechnut.

If you are retired, you can choose to travel on those roads at off-peak times. 80 miles is not far, really.

GrannyGravy13 Thu 05-Aug-21 09:12:25

I couldn’t move away from family. The pull on my heartstrings is far too strong and a quiet rural/sea location would not be enough compensation for me. Fortunately DH has come round and agrees that location to GP, bus route (when we no longer drive), essential shops are important as we grow older.

We have looked continuously at houses outside our area (same as Gingsters ) due to it becoming busier with new homes and horrendous traffic on even the small local roads

love0c Thu 05-Aug-21 09:12:34

We have been fortunate enough to have our own holiday home for a few years now. Family living very near to our main home will always keep us here. We just go as often as we can. We keep an eye on the weather. We travel very early morning when the roads are at their quietest. Too many road closures overnight unfortunately. Could you look at the times you travel? We feel we have the best of both worlds this way. You could stay for longer periods of time at your holiday time and particularly during the winter. See how you like it? Once you have sold up and moved there will be no going back!

love0c Thu 05-Aug-21 09:13:04

Just to add we travel nearly 300 mile each way.

Daisymae Thu 05-Aug-21 09:14:32

Find a local cab company and find out how much they would charge to drive you. It may be feasible and a lot cheaper than moving. You could have the best of both worlds. I would be very hesitant to leave an area where you are established later in life.

Deedaa Thu 05-Aug-21 09:17:33

If you decide to move the first thing you should do is join the WI. It's a great way to meet people and find out what else is going on in the area..

Grandmabatty Thu 05-Aug-21 09:24:34

I think I would focus on the practicalities. How easy would it be to change doctor? Is there a waiting list? Is there close access to a hospital a and e? If you had to stop driving is public transport available? What about shopping? Would you be able to get what you need locally? Access to a pharmacy? Have you ever lived there throughout the winter? That might tell a different story. As others have suggested, swap over and use your normally main residence as a holiday home. Try that before moving entirely. Good luck

Gingster Thu 05-Aug-21 09:25:38

Thanks for your views.
Yes I think common sense will prevail.
As GG quite rightly says, as we get older we need bus routes, shops, and family nearby. We have none if those at our cottage.
Of course in the winter when it gets dark at 3 o’clock, the days will be endless. Summertime is a different kettle, of fish.

Thanks again, it has really helped. 👍🌺

Floradora9 Thu 05-Aug-21 16:09:44

do not leave the friends you have now you will never replace them .

Nannarose Thu 05-Aug-21 17:55:08

I would agree with those who say 'try it for awhile'. You are lucky enough to be able to do that.
If you approach your holiday home differently, you may find groups and activities where you can meet people, and see how it suits you.

Theoddbird Fri 06-Aug-21 11:36:07

Go...you will make friends by joining local groups. As far as driving goes...you will have the incentive to get out there and just do it.. You are so lucky to have this choice in your life....

maddyone Fri 06-Aug-21 11:40:22

I would refuse Gingster. Your husband isn’t considering or concerned about your needs for socialising with friends and family.

Jess20 Fri 06-Aug-21 11:51:26

We have a tiny house on the coast and have also kept a little city flat where, unfortunately, we have a difficult downstairs neighbour. We have considered getting one larger house but we don't want to lose the benefits of city life entirely, so we have decided to keep two small places rather than have a good sized home in one place. The city offers better friendship networks, better hospitals and more cultural activity but the coast has walks and fresh air, nature, swimming etc. When the downstairs neighbour kicks she can keep going for days, so we tend to head off to the coast then and leave her to it. Currently, it seems to be working and we have the best of both worlds. If forced to choose, I think I'd have problems but as we get older, family and access to good medical care become more important.

SylviaPlathssister Fri 06-Aug-21 11:52:40

Your husband isn’t thinking straight.
We have had Six old folks who denied that they would ever get old….and old age can appear suddenly, as illnesses kick in after 60, rendering you disabled.
We lived over a hundred miles from all six of the, with busy lives and high powered stressful jobs.
They all lived in unsuitable houses, not designed for old age or extreme old age. We would get called up by hospitals, where they had ended up. We drove there in Winter in appalling weather. In the summer we did their gardens, cleaned window and their houses. They wouldn’t downsize, get rid of clutter, talk about their funerals ( I will be dead) or money.
So you go ahead and move 80 miles away from people who will end up driving 80 miles to help you. It’s incredibly selfish to think that you won’t grow old.
We have moved near a child, downsized, and are getting our finances in order, and we decluttered. Our children wanted none of our belongings from a huge house.

Petalpop Fri 06-Aug-21 12:23:17

We moved away to a beautiful part of the country. I just adored our old cottage and the people in the village made us welcome. That said, the pull of family and friends back in the town we had moved from and when my DS and his partner announced that we would soon be grandparents we put our house up for sale and moved back. We still go and see the few friends we made in the village once or twice a year and they are lovely but my family and friends and in particular GC made it no contest. I was travelling back and forth to see my original friends and family every few weeks and I cried at the thought of leaving our dream home in a dream location to return to a busy town to a house that I don't particularly love but my roots here pulled me too much. I was born and bred in London and left there in my early 30s when we married. I still see one of my original school friends but I envy those who have lived in the same place with friends that go back to their childhood. Plus there is the thought that as you get older things may not be so easy. My DH has developed a lot of medical conditions over the last few years and he is a worry. It is nice to know that help is quickly at hand if I pick up the phone, DS can be here in 5 minutes if need be. Unfortunately DD is over an hour away and that has proved difficult for her. Only you can decide but here I am approaching 70 this month and I am glad that we moved back 6 years ago as now I know family and friends are more important than the perfect house in the perfect location.

jaylucy Fri 06-Aug-21 12:26:56

How about that you agree to move there for a trial period, including throughout at least part of the winter?
While you are there, try to find out what the actual residents of the place do? There is bound to be quite a few social groups running all year round that will be re opening now. Who knows, you may find a new interest!
Join the local Facebook group - one of the easiest ways to find out what is going on in the area - if not apparent, just post to say that you have moved to the area and wondered if there is any social groups. You are bound to get many answers!
While you are deciding, look into renting out your house on short term lets - there are often people looking to bridge the gap in between permanent homes.
There is no reason that your family can't visit you! Ok so it won't be as often as you visit them currently, but they may be glad of a long weekend break/ holiday with you.

gillgran Fri 06-Aug-21 12:41:41

I think if you can manage the finance of two homes I would carry on as you are. ( would it be possible to downsize your present permanent home? though I gather your lovely cottage by the sea is the larger, or is that just the garden?).

You may remember that we've had a little home-from-home for the past 15 years, on the NW Nfk coast. Ours is less than 60 miles away. We still get the travel times wrong, last week had 3 different road works/diversions on the way, when we went late evening.!
We cannot make our seaside home permanent, as we don't have 12 months occupancy, (although we own the plot of land). So won't have your problem.

I hope things work out for you, your DH & family, Gingster, Good luck & Best Regards.

Evie66 Fri 06-Aug-21 12:46:13

I would stay where you are. It's all very nice having a holiday home here, I have lived in Cornwall for 30+ years, but if its in a little village the locals can be very unwelcoming of outsiders. My dh has been here 40+ years and he's still not classed a local.
With the lack of affordable places for locals to live at the moment second home owners are getting full brunt of the anger.

GillT57 Fri 06-Aug-21 12:47:38

I think the advice about swapping the houses is a good idea. Use the holiday home for your main residence for a while and you may find it isn't big enough, or is too quiet. I remember years ago on GN reading a post from a man who had done his research, or so he thought, and moved to the Lincolnshire cost where they had enjoyed years of happy holidays. The reality in the winter with most restaurants and cafes closed for the duration was very different.

Aepgirl Fri 06-Aug-21 12:56:34

Ditto from me Beechnut.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 06-Aug-21 13:03:49

What are the possibilities of making real friends if you do move?

Will there be opportunities for volunteering somewhere that interests you, or joining a hobby group?

My DH needs far less society than I, but accepts that I have outside interests. If yours does too, I think moving depends on many things.

Make a list of pros and cons, taking the following into consideration:

Will your holiday home still be suitable when the day comes where you should not still be driving?

How can you keep in touch with family and friends if you move? Skype? zoom? Visits?

What interests have you at your holiday home?

Can you afford the upkeep of both homes if you decide not to move?

How discontented will your husband be if you refuse to move?

You say you would love to move, so what exactly is holding you back?

I hope you find a solution that will suit you both well.

Oofy Fri 06-Aug-21 13:14:52

Evie66, there is similar reaction against second home owners here in West Wales. Not least because some of the villages on the coast are like ghost towns in the winter, and many village schools have had to close because so few residents with children live there permanently in term time. There is a backlash because local wages tend to be on the low side, and local families cannot compete with more affluent second homes buyers, whom the rumour market has it have been buying up homes online without seeing them first this year, such has been the huge demand. (Though huge property price hikes are hardly confined to holiday areas, my dd and her partner have been struggling to buy a tiny property in South London!) There is also concern about an influx of working from home people and retirees diluting the local Welsh language and culture, as these are largely Welsh speaking communities. The Welsh govt have allowed councils to charge a second home premium of up to double on council tax to try and combat this, though it seems doubtful whether this would deter those with sufficient funds to buy a second home. This does seem very hard on those who just want to escape the city and enjoy the coast and country, but you can see both points of view

Paperbackwriter Fri 06-Aug-21 13:27:45

Beechnut

I won’t be in your position so I don’t know what I would do Ginster.

Why don’t you do it the other way for a year or so and use your main residence for the holiday home. See if that helps a permanent move.

Be very careful if you change permanent residences. If you then sell what is no longer your main home you could cop for capital gains tax.