Gold Diggers

It's a scenario many people have to face, sadly. I would be very suspicious of anyone who didn't make it clear from the outset that they would look after their finances and didn't expect anything from you, especially for their own family.

I find it very odd that either woman would even think about asking you to leave your estate to their children, PENMANA, especially as you have children of your own. Did they give a reason?
Not all women are money-grabbers - take heart, but be on your guard.

PENMANA how perfectly horrible and demoralising. It certainly looks as if both of them had their eyes to the main chance right from the start. Presumably it was either obvious that you have a estate well worth inheriting or it was easy to find out. Neither of these women has shown much subtlety – in fact, they seem to have been hideously blatant – so did they also think you are stupid? I really don't believe that they are representative of women in general. I hope you meet a pleasant and independent female companion with whom you can share many joyous things, but who has no expectation of sharing your estate.

That is appalling! Meeting one like that is bad enough but two is beyond imagining. Try to go into future relationships with an open mind as I don't really believe there are many people like that.

I find it amazing and appalling that people actually go into a relationship with it in mind to badger someone into what you have described. I guess they thought they could change your mind about your estate and your thoughts on marriage.
By any chance were these women you met online?
I agree with the others that there are 'nice' women out there looking for companionship and friendship who are independant , I hope you find one and don't lose heart.

Hi tanith

I did not meet these women online.
I went to a support group at the hospice my wife passed away in and met them there. They were widowed.
Prior to moving in with my father I had a house which was slightly higher in value than my fathers house but I inherited my mothers half and we decided there was no point keeping 2 large houses for just 2 people.
We kept my fathers house as it suited our requirements better ( shops and public transport).
These women knew I owned a house prior to moving in with my father and thought I had a lot more money than I had in reality as a lot of the proceeds from the sale of my house went to help my daughters buy their first homes.
These women owned houses which are equivalent to the house I am in now.
My view is however the houses were built up through the work of my mother / father, my grandparents and my great grandparents so even though I own it I feel it has got to be passed to the next generation.
I did not contribute much to my father's / mother's house which I own now so it is not mine to give away.

Penmana it's true that there are lots of nice, independent, friendly women out there - I believe single/divorced/widowed women outnumber men in the older generation. Unfortunately, many of them want to stay that way, having spent years being tied to men who wanted looking after. I know a few such women who are suspicious of older single men, too, believing that they want someone to look after them. It would be great if some women weren't looking for a provider and some men weren't looking for a substitute mother. (What a cynic I am, but love single life)

whenim
..substitute mother... I think you mean housekeeper.

johanna I thought I'd tone it down as I don't want to offend Penmana, but, yes! that's what I really meant

Something I have heard that can happen is that a widow/widower remarries and doesn't write a new will. That means that when they die everything goes to the new spouse as apparently a will becomes invalid when you marry. I have promised to come back and haunt DH if he does that! Don't mind him marrying as long as our children still inherit.

I know someone that happened to - friend of a friend. He died and his ex (not divorced, separated for many years) got the lot. Poor current partner turfed out of her house and home. The ex frittered every penny away, lots of hangers-on taking everything they could get their hands on - she now lives in poverty. All for want of making some arrrangements.

Penmana How horrible for you to have been so unlucky. I share the same opinion as whenim64 and love living alone.
It is very easy to become cynical and bitter after bad experiences as I know only too well, but there are lots of nice, decent people out there, so don't give up hope, just be very careful!
Good luck

Hi Ella

You said '' just be careful ''.
I thought as these ladies had similar houses to mine they were not likely to want to get their estate mixed up with mine but clearly I was wrong.
The problem is there is no way to tell who is being genuine and who is not.
Also having a nice house does not prove that you are in a good financial state and living in a modest house does not mean you do not have wealth.
Somebody I worked with who was earning about double the amount I was earning lived in a 2 up 2 down terrace house and always had a car under 3 years old but it was always something like a base model fiesta.
He never got married.
He went on several nice holidays however and always went to a carvery which tend to be cheaper than plush restaurants when he went out.
That life obviously suited him but I would have thought he would have had a semi detached house with a garage as a mininium.
As far as I know he lived well within his means and never tried scrounging off anybody.

Not every body wants to live in a semi plus garage,when our DCs where still at home we lived in a very sort after area in a very large detached + 2 garage property but as soon as the youngest DS2 left home when he joined the Military we sold up (at the time when property was as it's highest ) and we now live in a one bed apartment which suits our needs very well it also enables us to have a very comfortable lifestyle,why would I want to clean and heat a big house and tend a large garden no thank you,I think PENMANA you have been unfortunate in the women you have met up with as not all women are the same,I would not care how well off a person was I take as I find and anyway I have my own means of income,I would not expect to get into conversation with any future partner with regard to finances as it would't concern me.

I can't imagine a situation where I would ask a fairly recent partner to change their will in favour of my offspring! Even if i had re-married someone with children of their own I would not expect to disinherit them! Unpleasant and selfish women I say! There are lots of self respecting women who would not think of doing such a thing.

I will not go into detail as I will only be repeating PENMANA'S story.
My father befriended a lady about 6 months after my mother passed away but the friendship only lasted 2 months.
I inherited my mother's half of the house and she suddenly said if my father married her my half would have to be returned to my father and the house would be half her property and half his property.
Legally she was not correct and my father realised she was just after money and finished with her immediately.

In another case in our family the daughter lived with the father and she inherited her mother's half of the house.
She sold her house and spent several thousand £'s on improvements / repairs to the house she owned with her father.
The father befriended a lady and just at the time the repairs etc had been completed and paid for by the daughter she demanded she left.
I do not know if she knew the daughter owned half of the property and could not be thrown out but the father was very upset that the lady wanted his daughter to leave and he again terminated his friendship with that lady.
Sadly the father has now passed away but the woman came back demanding her share of the estate but went away empty handed,

I think the advice is the same that you would give your children.Don't rush into anything, get to know someone well before moving on in the relationship. Six months isn't long enough!
I think a lot of men don't like being on their own and having to look after themselves, and therein lies the problem.

Hi Ella46

I can only agree with what you are saying.
It was not however me wanting to move on in the relationship it was the 2 ladies.
We are a close family and I think it would make little difference if I got married again and therefore I have not got any intention of doing so.
If I did I would want to ensure all of my assetts would go to my children or grandchildren.
I do however pay my way etc when I was with these ladies.
Another thing I was a bit annoyed about was I was supposed to go and watch their grandson's go and play cricket or football but I was not supposed to go and watch my grandaughters play netball or hockey etc.
Oddly enough I think my grandaughters know a lot more about football and cricket than I know about hockey or netball but I feel it is one of my duties as a grandad to give them my support even though I often have to ask them questions about the game after.

Well, penman

You seem to be two people. On the other thread ( moving in with father ) you sound like a very clued up guy.
On this thread you are a person who does not know A fromB.
The two don't go together.

It works the other way round too. Some years after my father died my mother remarried a man who persuaded her to sell our house which was actually held in trust for her 4 children. I don't know whether my siblings benefitted from the sale but I didn't and my mother lost everything to this man before they divorced. She ended up living in sheltered council accommodation.

Those of us with strong values find this sort of thing hard to understand but there are selfish people everywhere and it does seem that as we get older some of us become more selfish so beware all of you.

Penmana just bear in mind that there are unselfish lovely people out there who would love to be interested in your family as well as their own. Keep positive.

Unfortunately this sort of tale is not rare but then never has been. The good thing is you didn't fall for it. I have a friend who was in a similar position but now he's met a lovely lady so don't give up hope.

Hi Allison

I do not know the full legalities but wife I knew passed away and I understand her half of the house was left to the 2 children who were under 18 at the time and the children's half was put into trust and a charge was placed on the property in relation to the children's share.
The father got remarried and 3 years later the lady wanted a divorce.
The lady wanted all of the house and by that time one of the children got to the age of 18 and she became a part owner of the house and somehow registered her title and argued she had a right to live there.
I know the father had to give the lady some money but I was told she could not get any of the house as the daughter blocked the sale.
I do not know if the daughter could have blocked the sale if she had been under 18.
By logic however I would have thought that the lady could not have taken any of the children's share as it was not the fathers property to be taken.

Lawden, If the children were left half the value of the house then they own that half of the house and the father only owns half, so that is all he has at his disposal if a future marriage fails.

While the children are under 18, their share will be in trust and managed for them by the trustees. Their father would probably be one of the trustees, but he would not be the only one, and any decisions would require the agreement of all the trustees and if any decision was reached on the property that was to the children's disadvantage they would be able to sue the trustees for compensation. It is probable that in a case like you describe, if the children were both still under 18 the trustees would block any sale.

Your logical conclusion is absolutely right. She probably thought that if he was a trustee for them, he could do what he liked with the whole property.

Any sensible Gold digger should really bone up on the law of property before embarking on a relationship where they expect to extract money from the unwary. It must be really irritating, having laid your trap and made your claim, only to discover that the money is legally out of reach.

Hi FlicketyB

You said ''Any sensible Gold digger should really bone up on the law of property before embarking on a relationship where they expect to extract money from the unwary. It must be really irritating, having laid your trap and made your claim, only to discover that the money is legally out of reach''.

If the Gold Digger had not done a search at the Land Registry she may have not known the children in effect owned half of the property.