Drunks

Not so secret, though, if everyone knew about it, Frank!

A couple of bottles of cider twice a week does not make your granddad an alcoholic...

nanaej

I can see why this would appeal to alcoholics, it makes it OK for them to be total selfish b****. Other than that, no, still nothing there that describes alcoholism as a disease. But lots that feed into the 'poor me' and 'I was drinking at the time and couldn't help it', style of treatment.

Thanks for posting the links. Sorry, I did try to reword this post, but only succeeded in making it sound worse!

I cannot bring myself to believe it is a disease but rather an inability to control themselves and as Noodles says it is a me me me situation really and everyone close suffers - believe me I KNOW from the receiving end. In my experience they think for so long that they can stop and it is DEFINITELY NOT an addiction - until it is all too late and everything is ruined.
It affects young people when it is their father and many never totally get over the trauma caused.

There is solid proof that alcoholism can be hereditary and a child born to an alcoholic mother or ather is much more likely to become an alcoholic themselves. There are studies that have been carried out using twins of an alcoholic (I do not know if it was their mother or father or indeed both) who were given up for adoption and yet still went on to become alcoholics themselves. I think the risk is something like 4 times more likely.

I always think that there is some underlying cause that makes anyone a drug addict or alcohol dependant.

I've actually got a very obsessive personality [if that's the right term to use] and I often think that I could become addicted to all sorts of things quite easily. When I smoked I would chain smoke, I couldn't have one cigarette and then have another a few hours later. And, although I've never gambled excessively [and only ever had tiny bets] there was a stage where I was doing very well and kept wanting to re create the endorphin rush you get when you win, so I stopped for a while. I went through a phase of having a glass of sherry at night to help me sleep but then found I was drinking more each night so, again, I just stopped. Same with food; a bit all or nothing. And yet, for years I had alcohol all over the house [left over from parties or trips abroad] and never even thought of drinking it.

I also tend to obsessiveness, Tegan, but mine manifests itself in extreme tidiness and a need to accomplish anything I set out to do. When I first started serious walking, I would decide to walk for two hours and if I got back to the car in 1 hr. 55 mins I would walk around for another five minutes. (Two hours might not seem long for a walk, but these were up extremely steep, rough mountain paths, often involving some climbing).
Now, I just find that if I set out to reach a summit I can't give up until I am there.
I have to deal with letters or phone calls, especially difficult ones, at once. and I have to wash up immediately after a meal. I need as much order and structure in my life as possible, perhaps because the addiction of somebody else has caused me great pain and there is nothing I can do about it, so I control as much of my life as I can.
I don't think I have an addictive personality. All the years I lived in Monte Carlo, I would spend 100 francs, which was then £10, every week on the fruit machines. I would play until it was either all gone or I had won 500 francs, which happened twice. I was never tempted to spend another 100 francs once my money was gone and I regarded it as spending the original stake, rather than gambling it, as I knew I was almost bound to lose it but it gave me some pleasure while it lasted.
I have never smoked or taken drugs, and I drank too much to escape from a difficult situation - until I realised that not only did it not help but also made it less possible for me to cope.
I do believe there is a genetic tendency to addiction but some people overcome it.

Thanks for posting the links nanaej. I have a relative who has recently come out as an alcoholic and I am trying to learn as much as possible about it. He has been told by doctors on no account to stop drinking as this could cause fits. I don't know whether heavy social drinking caused the alcoholism or the alcoholism caused the heavy drinking.

Greatnan. I agree there is nothing attractive about a drunk. As I said in my earlier post, my father was what today we call an alcoholic. In those days they were called drunkards. He sometimes worked, came home 2 days after being paid with no money left to give my mother to feed and clothe 6 children, demand food to be put on the table and then beat her up if she didn't provide it, all in full view of the kids. Strangely all of his kids like a drink, but obviously not to the levels he sank to. Maybe it is in the genes - I don't know.

KatyK Painful memories. Knowing what its like to live with a drunk is a quite different thing from learning about alcoholism, or even working with alcoholics, isin't it? I have raw memories of my brother who drank himself to death, literally. He neglected his wife and little children, prefering booze to family time and making my sister-in-law's life an absolute misery. B******.

OhNoodles and Katy how those who have not lived with it have no idea. My first OH was an alcoholic and it ruined so much for us and the children - my DS can still not talk about it and his father has been dead for twenty years. If you listen to people with the experience of having a parent or partner with an alcohol problem so much of what they say is exactly how things were for you. I remember listening to Mo Mowlam talking about her father and my DD rang me to see if I was listening as she could not get over how the things she was saying were so reminiscent of our own experience. Katy

Noodles and Bez. I agree with what you say and can emphathise with your situations. People have no idea - and why would they. We were badly neglected as children but (all but one of us) survived it. There are some kids that don't survive. We are reasonably intelligent people who have done OK in life despite it all. Ironically my mother never drank and died at 58 and my father who drank and smoked to excess lived to nearly 70. She had the stress and worry, he just carried on in his own way like a single teenager. I think I am sounding a bit 'maudlin' now. Apologies.

or empathise even!