assessment for sgo.

Well done. Yours is a difficult path, but I think you are doing the right things.

i have spoken to an atm? sw wasnt in the office so i asked for someone higher up. i told her my concerns that things had been said by sw that we as a family felt were unprofessional, and she has said she will speak to sw about the conversations shes had. i had to ring as i was just stewing knowing that it wasnt right.

the case is nearly finished now, with the judges decision being made on the 6th of feb so i dont want to complain and possibly make me look stupid or to jeopardize my chances but i will tell the guardian when asked about my brothers withdrawal that i find it hard to understand what sw has said etc.

Beverley You are preaching to the converted when posting on the forum, there are plenty of GNers behind you in seeing this as unprofessional behaviour. It is not us that you need to tell all this to, it is whoever is the superior of the sw you are speaking of.

Get it all noted down clearly, with dates if you can, and send it to someone who can do something about it. If your brother and SiL can countersign the letter, so much the better, as it seems that their words have been misrepresented.

the fact is that my brother and his wife have stated right from the start that they only want to be considered if im totally ruled out. sw told them that if it was right that baby was with me then she already would be - fact -disgustingly bad practice.
at no point has sw, only ever having spoken to brother wife on the phone, stated officially that that is their request. she has gone hell for leather in getting them assessed disregarding their feelings - fact -disgustingly bad practice.
for sw to tell my daughter that she is disappointed that my brother has withdrawn due to my giving him grief having never spoken to my brother again is disgustingly bad practice.

this is a childs life at stake here, not a game for sw to play one person off against the other and blatantly lie.
she has tried to make it a competition between family members when its about a childs life, and when this whole sorry mess is over i will be putting in a detailed complaint against her giving peoples contact numbers so that when investigated they can get across what they have actually said!

If you document what you are told by each person, and what each other person tells you that someone else has said, you will be able to compare one with the other.

i do agree with that, but we have caught the sw out lying before, something was said to one person, so when we spoke to her with that person present, she was on speaker phone and denied saying it.
i know that the most important person here is my grand daughter, but surely if a sw is involved she not in any way be trying to play one person off against the other?

beverley Reading your posts one after the other, it is difficult to see just who really said what to whom. There are so many professionals and relations involved, all speaking to one another about what someone else has said and passing on different stories. It only takes a slight change of emphasis between one telling and the next to put a wrong slant on it all, and set one person at loggerheads with the others.

I think you have to be very clear exactly what your position is, and make sure that your version is written down accurately and passed on to the right person.

Is there no way that all the family can meet up and talk to one another face to face, to sort it all out at first hand instead of relying on "he said . . ." and "she said . . " ?

sw went to visit my daughter today, she collected info for baby for wherever she is placed, shoe size, hair colour, eye colour etc. she told my daughter that she was very disappointed as my brother and his wife had withdrawn, my brother saying it was because i had 'done nothing but give them grief'.
now ive just spoken to my brother who has never spoken to sw but sat next to his wife while she spoke to sw. she told sw that they had only ever put themselves forward as a last resort, only if i was totally ruled out a sa carer for my grand daughter. she reiterated this a couple of times and said that they felt it might cause arguments within the family if the baby was placed with them.
he has asked that i state this to the guardian who is bound to ask as she will have had the sw version, and that the guardian can ring him any time to check what hes said.
how can sw blatantly lie? i do not understand this at all?! we have caught her trying to play one against the other during this whole sorry mess but i cannot believe she would blatantly lie like that surely its more than her jobs worth?

Beverley - it would probably help if you phoned the sw/her manager about that CRB form. They can take several weeks, and you don't want any delay if the assessment recommends increasing your contact with a view to placement.
If the report has been ordered to be filed today, it should already be typed up, ready for any amendments this morning, and will be faxed/taken to the court before whatever time (usually 4pm) the judge has ordered it to be filed.

oh and just to add, she still hasnt come to collect hubbys crb form, which i believe form sw had to be on her desk this week?

my daughter mentioned to me this morning that the sw that carried out my assessment has gone to see babys dad today.
now during the assessment she tried a number of times to contact him, wrote letter etc and told me that she had to prove she'd tried as hard as she could to have a meeting with him, he wouldnt play ball.
now the judge ordered that my report be filed today, so does this mean she has been told she HAS to see him and that in turn will delay the report being filed again?
as you know the guardian is coming to see me next tuesday and if no one has a copy of this report because once again its late what happens?

That's wonderful news beverley. I'm so pleased for you; fingers crossed everything goes well from here.

That is really good news, you have at least some informal legal support and it shows that your daughter has made it clear to her solicitor that she wants you to have your grandchild.

my daughters solicitor has just rung me and said i dont need legal representation at the minute. if my report is negative then of course i will, but as we know its positive then i wont need any. i told him the guardian was coming to see me next week and he said if i didnt get a copy by monday he would mail me 1 and that i could always phone and discuss the report with him.

I have no knowledge of the law and would be more muddled than you Beverley but I am appalled at your treatment and can only say if thoughts are any help my thoughts are totally with you all the way

well my sis in law as now decided to say that i asked for them to withdraw and she cant understand why. i feel that this would so be the wrong thing to do, and have explained to her that they may then detect some sort of family feud and that cant be a good thing.

I expect you are relieved that your brother and wife are now out of the picture. This should leave tbe way clear for your case to be received favourably.
I hope all turns our for the best.

I hope she told you what the concerns are, so you can have a think! Anyway, not long now till the 16th - keep on being strong

ive now spoken to the guardian who hasnt yet seen my report but its got to be filed by 16th so she is then coming to see me on the 21st.
she said from what shes heard thats its a positive report, but that there are a few concerns.
after much batting back and forth my brother and his wife are withdrawing today from being assessed.
im sure the guardian said that i will get a copy once its filed.

It's good to hear you feel more positive this morning Beverley. Best of luck today -

Good luck Beverley not a situation of having to choose that many would want to make but you are doing the right thing and hopefully with tie your daughter will see it too some more for your conservatory

ive woken up this morning feeling quite positive.
i fel that as ive been told my assessment was great, just conserns over contact, then no judge will adopt a baby when there is a perfectly good family ready to have her.
i will update later how i get on today thanks guys x

Good advice from Nelliemoser Beverley6. The sw seems to be telling your brother that you are ruled out, yet she hasn't told you that. From your earlier comments, her concerns are about managing contact and protecting the baby from the violent father, and the parents volatile, unstable relationship.
She should have made you aware of any concerns throughout the assessment, which should involve exploring in detail with you any concerns so that you have the opportunity to consider them in full.
When I was a CG I always shared with grandparents relevant details from the sw records, assessments, and my discussions with the sw. Very best wishes for your meeting with the CG, and in finding some legal advice in the near future.

Beverley6 I would suggest you follow up any phone call with an Email or a letter to the individual concerned. This should give a record of what information you have given them so they cannot then say they did not know.