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A bit of advice.

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Iloveyou6 Wed 27-Sept-17 13:20:50

We have brought up to adulthood from babyhood our first 2 grandchildren that are our daughter's children. Our daughter has had 1 other grandchild adopted 18 years ago. We are in the process of 6 other grandchildren in the care system(care court case lasting until November this year). Our 2 eldest adult grandchildren have been allowed contact with the 6 grandchildren,but not my hubby and I. Reason given by SS is our bad relationship with our daughter,plus the 6 grandchildren need to adjust emotionally to adapt to their new circumstances. Our 2 eldest grandchildren have had a lot of contact with the eldest grandchildren in care(children aged 8 & 9). Our 2 eldest grandchildren lived with their mum & stepfather at one time with 4 of the grandchildren for 6 months and 3 years respectively. Until they realised their mother never really wanted them in the first place! She was only taking the children off us to get her own back on us her mum and dad! Both grandchildren came back to live with us,and one still lives with us now. How do the grandchildren stand regarding contact with the eldest 2 grandchildren if no "forever" family is found for them because of their ages,and if they remain in long term care? SS in our area have not made it easy for our 2 adult grandchildren to see their siblings,as they have insisted on daytime contact,and both our adult grandchildren have fulltime jobs as part of a team,which has made it awkward for contact with their siblings. They have only managed one contact session with their siblings. Do the Adult grandchildren have any rights to see the 8 & 9 yr old if they are not adopted by anyone? Will the SS in our area promote contact with these adult siblings if the 8 & 9 yr old request it or will they automatically refuse to grant the 8 & 9 yr old contact with their adult siblings? We know how the system works,and we COULD apply for contact with the grandchildren,but we know it would cost a fortune,as we are not on any benefits,so my hubby and I are devastated but have decided not to take on the care of any of these 6 grandchildren because of our age and health. Our eldest grandaughter applied but was refused the chance of taking on any of the care of her siblings because of where she lived at the time. She is not applying again for any custody of the siblings in care. Any help or advice regarding contact before/after adoption or children in foster care would be appreciated. Thank you

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CassieJ Wed 27-Sept-17 14:57:12

This sounds very difficult and upsetting for all of you. I thought that SS always tried to keep contact with families, especially siblings?
I think that you need to get some legal advice about this.

Good luck, I hope that you manage to get contact with your grandchildren.

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Iloveyou6 Wed 27-Sept-17 16:43:07

Thank you CassieJ for yr support. They are SUPPOSED to promote the birth families' ties,but we haven't got a legal right to see the grandchildren in care,but our SS are in special measures as a department. They do not answer the phone - and neither will they give out email addresses! How on earth you are supposed to talk to the department and the SW is anybody's guess when the care court case is finished! I have to resort to doing it the old fashioned way of writing a letter to the SW if I need to see the SW - which has only been twice(both times dropping off cards & presents for the grandchildren from all members of the birth family). I will need to do this again and write a letter to find out an answer if the grandchildren have been matched with a family - any of the 6 children. Also whether we can still send cards/gifts to the 6 children for xmas and forthcoming birthdays in the months to come,as well as any contact for our 2 adult grandchildren. What a way to run a dept I ask! I appreciate because of confidentiality issues they cannot share info about the court case whilst the mother & father are still involved,but IF ONLY they would let us know what is going on,we could put our minds at rest. It is the way this dept works - and more than one person has said they have a terrible reputation our SS in our area. I can quite believe it. We as grandparents had to take our local SS to task and complain all the way up to Stage 3 complaint because of the way they dealt with us when the 2 adult grandchildren first came back to us after being with their mum and stepfather. More than one complaint from our list was upheld in our stage 3 complaint. I don't think things have changed since then,more is the pity for all those families who haven't the confidence to complain with an official body... It makes us wonder if our local SS are delibrately stopping us seeing the 6 grandchildren out of spite because we dared to complain about them to stage 3....

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M0nica Wed 27-Sept-17 16:51:02

Have you spoken to your MP about this? If local SS's are in special measures, he may be very sensitive to complaints about the difficulties you are having.

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Iloveyou6 Wed 27-Sept-17 18:10:52

It is an idea about contacting my mp. Thank you. Never thought of that!

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