Really Messy Muddle - help needed please

Fu that happened to us with a nephew who stayed with us for a while. I just religiously sent mail back RTS - for years - until eventually the post dried up (we lost contact with my nephew - his choice, because we put some boundaries in place). But he clearly continued using our address, despite being asked not to via his mother. Re signed for stuff, I just declined to sign for anything addressed to him. He has had a string of jobs with periods of unemployment in between.

So far, we haven't got into any trouble and I do still get post for him every now and again.

I think perhaps you should ask citizens advice bureau what they think. I don't think it will affect your credit rating although I am not sure. You could go on a credit rating agency site to see how you stand.
Also should you not talk to your son?. It sounds as if he needs some help to manage his debt.

Thanks Grannyknot xx
Loopyloo, this summer he has changed so much and his lies and aggressive behaviour have alienated both of us. We have seen this debt prob coming for a year and repeatedly warned him to watch what he is doing, but got nowhere. Ended up him shouting that we were no help at all and his girlfriend and her family had been terrific. (It sounds like she loaned him money or something but I don't know for sure). But I have asked the hubby to phone him then let me talk to him - I'm not having debt letters and hassle here, we are both late 60s and not in the best of health.

Oh dear fumanchu. I think you and your husband need to file a note of disassociation with all of the credit rating companies (equifax etc) make sure you do it with all of them though as they don't always share information. Unless of course you are a guarantor to any of your sons debts in which case you're in a mess. Good luck .

fumanchu sorry to hear of your predicament regarding your DS.
We all want to help our adult children, but sometimes we reach the end of the road.
When we rented a house a few years ago we got a lot of threatening letters addressed to the previous tenants, so the address does matter.
I think I would send back his post unopened, with return to sender, nobody of that name at this address.

Not a guarantor or connected financially in any way, son is 45. Will look into a note of disassociation , thank you.
I will just forward any post to him but re Recorded Delivery I don't want to sign for them.

Don't worry about any post . As long as you are not a guarantor. You need to telephone the various credit agencies asap ( Monday) they will advise you about filling a form of disassociation ( on line or paper) but you do need to give full information as they decide whether to allow or not . At 45 I would imagine you don't have any problem . Please do it asap though . X

It used to be that debts attached to all occupants in an address for credit rating purposes, but this is no longer the case. You cannot be held liable for your son's debts, however if it's the address that bailiffs have and they are called in you will have to explain the situation to them. They cannot just come in and take things from your house, so set your mind at rest.
We moved into this house twenty years ago and for a full TWO years afterwards we had threatening letters, bailiffs at the door and harassing phone calls from debt recovery companies seeking someone who had lived here previously. These were persistent 'loan shark' types who took some convincing that the person they were after was nothing at all to do with us. Now I always warn would-be lodgers that I will carry out a credit reference check and it prompted one woman to then confess that, in spite of having just spent an hour telling me what a successful writer she was etc. that she had several County Court Judgements outstanding.

Re the "dissociation" form, we never did that (didn't think/know about it) and I know our credit rating is fine because during that time we bought a house...

I'll look into it now though .

Hi fu I found this info online in case helpful:

Experian online form:
www.experian.co.uk/contactforms/consumer_onlinedisassociation.html

Callcredit print out form:
www.callcredit.co.uk/files/Disassociation%20Form%20v2.0.pdf

Equifax print out:
www.thecreditagency.co.uk/equifax/equifax-notice-of-disassociation.pdf

The addresses of the credit reference agencies are:
Equifax Ltd
Credit File Advice Centre
PO Box 1140
Bradford
BD1 5US
0844 335 0550
www.equifax.co.uk

Callcredit Plc
Consumer Services Team
PO Box 491
Leeds
LS3 1WZ
0870 060 1414
www.callcredit.co.uk

Experian Ltd
Customer Support Centre
PO Box 8000
Nottingham
NG80 7WF
0844 481 8000
www.experian.co.uk

Sources: www.ico.gov.uk/

If it’s changed now that’s good because It did affect my credit rating when I had someone living at my house and got into debt it took quite a long time as the address was what they went by

If you know his address could you pay the post office to redirect his mail?

Great help, many thanks ladies. I might ask at the Post Office yes, I do know where he is and have to continually send his mail on with no thanks. Have saved all those links to credit companies ty.
So thankful that we haven't ever been in a mess like this, it's so much worry!!

Wow Grannyknot how useful is all that information to fumanchu!
fumanchu - I hope you get this problem sorted out. My best wishes to you.

I would return the mail to sender as not known at this address. If they ring you tell them your son doesn't live there and hasn't for some years. Explain he never bothered changing his address and give them his addy. If you don't want to give them the addy then just say he has never given you his full addy. They will track him down and go after him. They will. It's very difficult to hide now with technology

No point in redirecting mail . The people who are sending it are the ones that need the "correct" address . I went through this only a couple of years back with my DD's ex who ran up £thousands of debt and then Effectively disappeared leaving the debts st my DD's address . She even had bailiffs visits etc. Thankfully all sorted now though but it was a horrible time.

my DD was advised to write "return to sender... not at this address" eventually she got letters addressed to "the occupier" which she opened which asked if she knew of the correct/forwarding address ( she didn't ) of her ex.

If you feel it is worth the bother you could either phone or e-mail the firms that send mail to your son at your address and explain that he does not live at the address he has given them.

I say if you feel it is worth it, because I experienced after my mother's death when we kept on getting mail for her, even after the estate was wound up that a lot of firms do not bother to update their data base with this kind of information.

As far as I know it is not illegal in any country to allow someone to have their post sent to your address, but it is a felony to open their mail, unless you have their permission to do so.

I am glad I don't live in the UK if having someone's mail sent to your address renders you liable for their debts! Do take legal advice about that, it could save you a lot of trouble.

fumanchu - can I please emphasise and reiterate what Gillybob has said - this is really, really important. By doing this you can protect yourself and save a lot of hassle.
We did the same when our son went through a silly phase after he left University. By the time we had given him £5,000 we had had enough. We wrote to all the credit agencies and discovered that he had been taking out loans against our address so we had no choice but to build a virtual brick credit wall.
He did sort himself out and is now aged 41, married with two lovely children and running his own business. He has turned into a pillar of the community!
A further point is that if you disassociate his name with your address, he may not be able to get any more credit as it will be a warning sign to potential lenders. You may feel a bit disloyal and I do sympathise but you do not deserve this. The only person who can protect you is yourself. Please, please take action on Monday as Gillybob suggests. In the long run you may well be helping him far more than you realise at present.

I agree that you need to contact the 3 main Credit Reference Agencies and put a notice of disassociation on their records, just for your own peace of mind. Then forget about it.

You cannot be held liable for his debts if the accounts are in his name. However, wise to check your credit rating to see if your address is flagged up for any reason. We had this situation at one point with a former owner of our house who had run up incredible debts and card bills and she hadn't changed her address. It simply involved our writing to the credit agency and explaining; presumably they then check electoral rolls and so on and we had a letter confirming that all was clear.

I thought credit rating problems were attached to the house

To cut a very long and distressing story short, we were almost invaded by bailiffs because my step-son had given our address as his living address when he went on an extended trip to Australia. It turned out he owed so much money to so many people, and it took a long time to persuade the bank that his debts were not ours. It was all made worse by the fact that SS had returned to the UK and not told us. He continued to run up debts and we continued to receive his mail, even though we returned every single letter to the sender with "Does not live at this address."

Eventually, after a lot of correspondence, the bank accepted that we had been used and took our names off the naughty list. Needless to say, we have not seen SS since, and have no wish to.

I don"t think you can be held responsible these days unless you are a guarantor for anything he"s bought. In the past I think the rules were different. For your own peace of mind check with the Citizens Advice.