Financial Disaster

Could your son in law not get a paid job - now doesn't seem like a good time to be starting a new business with the extra stress that would bring. Maybe even part time hours and maybe you and your mum could take over caring for your daughter? To my mind selling up and paying off debts would seem the best way forward. It's not the end of the world to live in rented accommodation as long as it's secure. Are there any benefits your could claim for her disability which would not be affected by her husband working! To be fair if they have just spent regardless on their cards it's a bit much to expect the state to pay interest on their mortgage. I'm not being unsympathetic, maybe other GNs will have better ideas than I. Sorry for all your worry, it's not easy being a mother is it.

A trip to the CAB would be a good suggestion to give them. They have a great deal of expertise in dealing with debt.
Suggest they lay it all out, right down to the nitty gritty. I’m sure they would benefit from their support.

I think the citizens advice would help them to contact every company they owe money to, and offer a very small payment, regularly. Whilst on benefits, obviously, they would remain small, but at least they would all stabilise for now. They need some breathing space to work out the best way forward.

I agree with others who've said they need specialist advice such as CAB. Benefits is such a complex & changing issue. You mention a loan from the government - is that not a way out of the problem?
I understand the maths behind the rent v. mortgage payments but the general principle is that it would be unfair for working people to pay for non-working people to buy their own homes.

CAB are very definitely the way to go regarding the debt. They will also be able to advise about benefits - there are some disability benefits that are based solely on need rather than income and are not taxable.

Are they paying for the carer? - is it via SSD? If they have no assets, and only debts, the SSD should be paying for the carer.

Icanhandthemback, that sounds very much like the story Jim Broadbent told on Children in Need last night.
Can you get in touch with any charity that is funded by them, at least in the short term, to help them?
Your granddaughter is in need because of the misfortune that happened to her family.

there are local government new business agencies that can give him advice,and tell him if there are grants available or any other help.Starting a business is relatively easy ,its keeping it going thats the problem takes a lot of time and effort .He needs to speak to someone to make sure his ideas are viable BEFORE he makes a final decision.Stress wont help with his wife's condition ,whatever it is .I wish him luck with his venture and your daughter well with her health issues

Ask your DD and SIL to contact www.benefitsatwork.co.uk . This site would be very helpful for them in their circumstances. I'm not sure how the system works in Dngland but my OH has a friend claiming disability benefits in Scotland, Neither he or his wife work but they have a very good lifestyle which includes being given a modern vehicle at no cost as well as myriad other benefits. They've even managed to purchase land and nuild z holiday home. I know people's circumstances are looked at individually but I'm hoping your family could get some assistance to help them get through this tough time. Getting good information is the first step and approaching CAB re their debts is excellent advice. Another good source of information is a site called MartinsMoneyExpert, or something similar. Google it and if I find the address I'll post it. Good luck.

Oh Lordy, post night shift and auto typing. England, not Dragland, sorry folks ?

Definitely agree they need to speak to CAB if they haven't already done so. Have they actually sold their house or just put it up for sale? It could take months to sell meanwhile their debts could be going up. Would it be so bad for them to move in with your mother - would she also be able to provide care for your daughter to enable her husband to work? They could rent out the property until they get back on their feet again. It would be hard for all concerned but maybe better than the alternatives. Starting a business has a lot of pitfalls and is often not the way forward when you have financial problems as you need a good credit rating. There are also the tax implications to take into account as these days HMRC often wants tax upfront on anticipated profits. I hope you all find a solution - it's very worrying seeing your family in such straits through no fault of their own and your daughter's health will be suffering with the stress. This could well be affecting their marriage already.

Thank you for all your replies. They are currently getting all the benefits they are entitled to. The initial problem started 6 years ago. My DD was working and had taken time out to have her baby when her company didn't pay her maternity pay having promised her it. Neither did they pay the state element because the boss was pocketing the money. She was the main earner and she had to live off the money she had put aside to have a year out. The trouble was her company was wound up and so by the time she was due to go back to work (even if she had been able to) she couldn't. To compound it all, her husband was working for peanuts but because she had technically earned good money or was on maternity leave in the financial year previously, they couldn't claim tax or child tax credits. As soon as she was able she tried to claim sick pay but ATOS turned her down. By this time she was completely depressed and just stuck her head in the sand so wouldn't appeal even though by this time she had an official diagnosis and MRI scans which should have overturned the judgement. They were sharing a house with his DB but he wanted to move out and so they had to give him his share of the equity from their mortgage overdraft. CAB then gave them really bad advice that SIL should leave work to care for my DD and their DD as they would be entitled to a Carers Allowance, ESA etc. Unfortunately, you couldn't do this without my DD having a PIP so DWP wouldn't pay them anything. After nearly a year of fighting, eventually getting our MP involved, things were resolved but by that time the credit cards had been used. Since then, they have been struggling to get back on their feet. This means that they are loathe to go back to CAB to get any advice as they feel they were partly responsible for the mess they were in but, to be honest, I think ATOS were the real villains.
My SIL has no "trade" to get a job and has never done an office job. He is a labourer mainly (albeit an intelligent one who works hard when he's able to) but the moment he works, they not only lose benefits but also the other carer my daughter needs. They were hoping if he worked for himself he would be able to still pop into help as needed and also go to the hospital appointments with her as they are about 70 miles away each time. Whilst there were times they threw caution to the winds, most of the time it has just been a struggle.
My DM is completely disabled and I am disabled too. We all have the family congenital condition. We didn't know this before we had children but with each generation it seems to get bad earlier. My mother was in her 60's before it affected her to the extreme, I am in my 50's and some of the things that happened to me in my teens weren't attributed to it. My daughter was in her 20's and had her daughter before she knew. The problems we all had when we were younger were just thought to be one of those things.
There is no way they can live with my DM. She is narcissistic and will undermine their parenting and marriage every step of the way. She did it with me and my DD which is partly why our relationship has been strained but that it another story.
They seem to think that all will be solved by selling and renting. They will pay more rent than they ever would mortgage, they will have no security of tenure which is not going to be much fun if they have to keep moving and they will need a particular type of accommodation to suit her needs. Their life is going to be going from tough financially to tough in so many ways but I guess I have to stand back and let them make their choice.
Willow500 call me a cynic but I am really worried that the moment they sell, my DIL will take off with their daughter. My Mum paid for him to do a trade's course online with a couple of week's Practical. This was a year ago and he hasn't done it because a couple of month's ago he said he was worried he would build a good business and then their marriage would break up and my DD would get half of it. He has always said that he would take their DD away even if he couldn't have the house because they would have to pay back the grant for the disability adaptions. I am so worried for my DGD, I can barely breathe.

That all sounds terrible, icanhandthemback, especially your SiL's comment about breaking up.
I'm sorry I have no helpful advice. Could your daughter reapply now for the benefit that was turned down before?

Thank you FarNorth, my DD does get the benefit now but waiting so long for it to be sorted out was the start of the rot. Right now, my DD won't talk to me. She rang to ask my advice about estate agents which I gave willingly but the subject turned to what her options were again. I made the mistake of suggesting that we look at other options and although I believed that we had ended the call as friends, it appears not. Her DH rang this morning to cancel me baby sitting tomorrow, cancelled my DGD coming to the theatre with her cousin at the weekend and told me that my DD wants nothing to do with me. I am beginning to wonder if they have told us the whole story or whether this is a way of getting me out of the way. Meanwhile, I have DM giving me earache because I did as she asked me in making the suggestions to my DD. I think I could be in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation here!

I have no answers, but just wanted to send greetings and hope that there will be a way around this complex and unfortunate situation.

Does anyone have a good word to say for ATOS? - what a shambles.

Who are ATOS, please?

They used to run the work capability tests before they were sacked for incompetence.
I think it's Maximus now, unless they have been sacked for incompetence, too.

And boy, were ATOS incompetent. They stretched the whole process out by losing paperwork on a number of occasions. It was only when the MP got on the case that things got sorted out.
Thank you Luckygirl, for the moment I am keeping my head down and hoping my DD will regain her equilibrium. Unfortunately, with all the stress, she seems to take all my suggestions as criticisms rather than a desire to see her out of the frying pan into the fire.
Tomorrow I am having coffee with my son and I hope he will have an uplifting effect!

Oh dear, I think your DD and her DH are probably too stressed out to consider other options, now that they have decided on one.
I hope bridges can be mended soon.

I just wanted to report back on how things are going. My DD and SIL have sold their house without even putting it on the market stc. Once my daughter calmed down with me, she rang me to tell me they were going to investigate all the options they possibly could. After much research by us all, she and her husband applied to buy a shared ownership property. This will protect her equity but mean the rent can be paid by the public purse if necessary. However, all this has jolted her husband into action and he has now set up his own business in the hope they can pay their own rent and she has changed her carer so she has someone she can rely on a little more. So far all is going quite well so it gives me a bit more hope for the future. Of course, there is a long way to go before the whole thing is settled but at least we are currently heading in the right direction.

Good to hear that they seem to have found a way forward. I wish them luck and also better health for you all.

What a convoluted tale.

If it were me I would be very wary of posting on this site.

Good luck to you for doing so.

Its not a situation I have ever encountered, Sadly I have never ever to have any dealings with Govt Agencies.

Look at the mess Oxfam is in. money poured into it from the public purse

Can you have a shared ownership property if you have been a home owner?

Isn't there a free debt management service? I think they contact all the companies you owe and get them to agree not to add interest and arrange a repayment plan.

Nonnie, expanding families, families with special needs, etc can join the scheme. It isn't an easy option as there are many onerous terms on the lease which are best avoided if you possibly can but, in this case, it is the best of a bad job. My DD didn't ever expect to need the benefit system but becoming dramatically disabled in a flash meant she had no choice. For them, it was never going to be a forever option but as my DD's condition can worsen considerably overnight with no end in sight, they need to have a way of paying to keep a roof over their head should those circumstances befall them again. They could have asked for a repayment plan but it would have impacted on my SIL starting up a business and he would need too much time off to satisfy an employer for my DD's hospital appointments. The new house is more suitable for my DD's needs too. I am optimistic it will give them a fresh start and at least they will have consistent tenure.

Hang on to that optimism, sometimes that's all you've got.