making a will - OH not aware of content

We have been considering making our will and it was suggested that we each leave our half of the house to our daughters ( our ownership is set up so we can do this). However I have since realised that this means that if either of our daughters move house in the future then they will have to pay the extra 3% second home stamp duty (on the whole of the new house), an awful burden on their mobility. So unlikely to go down this route.

As my OH has PD dementia, my will leaves my half of our property and my assets to DD's, should I die before him. I didn't want him to inherit my assets, as, though his will have to pay for his care when I'm no longer here, I didn't want mine to pay for someone else's care.

I forgot to say that I said I wanted to put a sealed and dated letter with the will to my OH. The solicitor would store them both free of charge.

I also emailed my executor with a copy of the will, plus details of my solicitors address, my works (death in service payment) and details of where exactly all my money is - banks premium bonds etc. . With passwords etc to access the accounts (not sure if that's needed)

Hi Hooty I did one visit where I explained what I wanted to do. I took the names and addresses of people I wanted to leave things to, and also names of my chosen executors. I'd already asked if they were agreeable.

On the computer he pulled up one version of a standard blank will, and took me through it. Some parts were amended depending on what I wanted. He took my name address and dob and all the other peoples details.

I had applied through the cancer research offer. This means certain solicitors will do a simple will free of charge, on the hope that you will leave some money to cancer research. There is no obligation. He originally put that in will as a bequest, but I preferred to donate now which was fine.

He also suggested I might want to bequeath a smallish amount to the executors - my choice, I agreed.

He asked if I wanted burial or cremation, that was noted in will.

He asked if there were any particular items of value I wanted to leave anyone, doesn't have to be of great value, can be anything. For me one item was my Dads signet ring.

We made an appointment for 1 weeks time, for me to go and sign will in front of their staff as witnesses. And that would be all done. Very easy!

Except that mine has gone a bit wrong - see above!

I have found this which may be of help - free wills in March offer - www.ageuk.org.uk/get-involved/donate/leave-legacy/free-wills-month/

If you pay for a simple will direct with the solicitor, a lot seem to charge about £120 ish for a single will in this area. I would ask friends for a recommendation. I hope you all can sort yours, just for peace of mind. Good luck.

Hi Hooty, we did this as I have a daughter from a previous marriage. My DH was totally on board, we have 2 men in the family who jumped quickly into new relationships depute one in 70's other in 80's! He appreciates that I want to ensure assets I brought to the marriage get passed on to her. It cost £150 each, 2 visits -one to draft out and one to sign. We had to change the ownership which would have been £100 but they waived that fee for us. Only took a couple of weeks. I checked out free wills but they are usually only for very simple wills

Thank you Seacliff....I have been pondering doing EXACTLY the same as you have posted today! St the moment my OH and me have ‘mirror wills’ but over the past ten years our relationship has gone from bad to worse... my husband has cashed in every insurance policy and our endowment just so he could retire early (50) and spen the rest of his life watching tv. He doesn’t even have life insurance! If he goes first I will be in a really bad state financially...and when I mooted this to him he says he doesn’t care anything about that. I believe that if my half of house were left to him he would ‘downsize’ and blow whatever money he has on holidays and other crap!! You’ve made me decide to change my will and leave my half of house to my two kids and grandkids. Of course allowing him to live there for the rest of his life! He won’t be financially worse off when if I die first ...his three pensions are more than adequate for his wants and needs. Rge way I see it...if he doesn’t give a damn for me if he goes first...then why should I consider his feelings!?

Well, he is certainly not worth the money seacliffe - any solicitor worth his salt would know that!

On the subject of the widowed staying in the house unless they remarry my solicitor said that they could quite easily just live with someone or even say the person was a housekeeper. So it isn't foolproof. But you are wise to make a will for your own assets plus make sure the house is changed to tenants in common.

Thanks for all the help and supportive messages too. Really appreciate them. x

Hi again

Well I am glad I checked with all of you. Had email from solicitor saying yes property does have to be amended. " Must be registered as Tenants in common and the Land Registry would unfortunately require authorisation from yourself and your Husband. "

Contrary to what one poster suggested, I went there with no idea about willing the actual property. He suggested it after I told him my circumstances. I asked if OH would need to know, he assured me he would not.

I am really quite annoyed and concerned that if I hadn't asked, he would have let me sign a will which is not going to stand up legally!!! He didn't ask me at all how it was registered.

Now I have to either just leave the original lump sum, and forget about the house. Or talk to OH about tenants in common, which seems quite a good idea anyway, but not sure he would agree.

I am inclined to forget that solicitor. I don't trust him now! I am shocked.

I have been thinking of doing exactly the same Seacliff - well done you! do you mind me asking, how many visits did you have to make to solicitors and how long did it all take? Did you do yours through the free wills scheme or did you pay yourself? How much does it cost? (Sorry if that is too nosy.)

Good information. We had to get a lawyer to insist she was not the only executor and she chose her niece. I will dig deeper. Thank you.

Don't feel bad. I am about to do same as my oh is squirreling away money having opened accounts in his and kids names without telling me. I have no pension as gave up my main job to care for children and have had several jobs with minimum pay since. The house is in joint names and I have family jewellery that I want to make sure my children get and that he dosn't squander. I don't know if he has made another will (wouldn't surprise me) & I'm sure if he has he hasn't included me and he's loaded (tight and selfish spring to mind). I work because he won't share his pension and I have debt to pay accrued over years of being kept short and trying to manage. Am slowly getting info together of hidden savings etc because I want out but not sure how I will manage so making sure kids ok just in case. I never thought my twilight years would be like this after working hard all my life.

Try Zoopla in the first instance, Lyndie

www.zoopla.co.uk/house-prices/

A widower (or widow) could have a new partner living with them without being married, thus, the house could not be sold until he/she died and children of the original marriage could not benefit until that time.

Lyndie
You can find out whether the house has been sold and how much the sale realised. You presumably know the address.
You can also find out whether his wife has died by ringing the register office in that district and giving her name and address (if still the same as when your father was alive)
His will would have to be read by (I assume) an executor and any beneficiaries notified.
If you want to find out these details, you can, fairly easily.

Seacliff, you did the right thing. This sort of arrangement is becoming very common with second marriages and divorce becoming more common, not to mention careless or unscrupulous remaining partners misusing funds.

Many lawyers are now asked to give the remaining spouse a life interest in everything unless they remarry, in which case the inheritance goes to the children.

The problem is that a couple can build up assets and capital between them intending to leave the lot to their offspring. One partner dies. If the other remarries and then dies the property belongs to the new wife and her heirs not the children for whom it was intended.

I want my husband to inherit what is his when I die but I do not want anything left to go to anyone but our own children. I worked for them.

Thank you. Jalima

Maybe you should leave a letter to DH with the solicitor. You could explain why you've done what you've done. It might help him understand.

Seacliff, I think you have done the right thing.

I think that you have done the right thing Seacliff. I made a similar will but my husband died before me.

I made a will years ago after my Husband died, my present other half has difficulties with is family, I made my will with the sole oblect of seeing my Adult children being ok when I pop off.OH has this house we live in plus other assets, but my children will notr be entitled to anything from that.
Swedish law! I have left more to my Son, who is estranged he has two teenage boys, my Daughter had more money than they know what to do with, but I have done right as my Daughter will have my Mums engagement ring which was valued last year, so this will make up for the money my Son will get, my Daughter has two Daughters and my jewellry will go to them, so after the initial guilty conscience I feel better knowing that they will get more or less the same amount.I dont want arguments when the day comes, not that I will be around, but I want my children to be friends.

I'm hoping your home is already owned on a tenants in common basis seacliffe. Our homes were always owned as joint tenants until about 15 years ago when we changed to tenants in common. From memory it was a straighforward enough process but necessary for us both to agree to the application which of course could be difficult in your situation. I understand it is possible without the other person's agreement but they do need to know what is happening which again could be difficult for you and I would suggest would need careful thought. Whatever happens about the house I do think you have made a wise decision concerning your other assets to ensure your wishes regarding your family can be carried out. I would also support the comments other posters have made, do leave what I believe is known as a letter of wishes with your will explaining how difficult your decision was and why you made it. I hope all works out for you and you can have peace of mind.

Thanks all, I'm at work so not able to post much. I have raised a query with my solicitor about tenants in common situation. Will let you know the outcome.

Anyone wanting to make a will at present, you can find solicitors registered with cancer research, who offer a free will. Idea is you give cancer research a donation, your choice how much. It's a good idea to do it.

It’s very sad that you have to adopt these measures, but it’s the only option open to you to protect your kids and not have your hard earned cash wasted away. I did exactly the same with my ex, as he was awful with money, totally irresponsible and reckless. I did a will leaving my half of everything to be split between my 3 kids, even my pension etc and I squirrelled away as much as I could without his knowledge. We are long divorced now but I am so glad that I had the foresight to take these measures. I did try talking to him beforehand but I was wasting my breath, as well as my money ! Stick to your guns ......