making a will - OH not aware of content

I think you have been lovely and very fair indeed. xxx

PS, I’m surprised that your Solicitor ‘strongly suggested’ anything to you, they are usually there to do as you ask, so I think that it must be that you prompted his suggestion.

I’m with Niobe on this one, a friend of mine died recently and she did this to her husband, He was and is still, devastated, not because of the way she left money and half the house to her sons, but that he now realises that she didn’t love or trust him, the sons and their families are also very uncomfortable with the situation.
I can understand that you want to protect your childrens interests, but I think that you owe it to your husband to be honest.
Imagine how you would feel if he did it to you?

seacliff - your life, your money, your wishes - you've done the right thing

Seacliff, I also think you have done the right thing regarding your wishes, and by making a will that stipulates these. But, you say you have done this in secret, could he have done the same? Make a secret will I mean.

Sea cliff, why are you still with this man? Why not go your own ways? If you don't trust him and intend to keep such a big secret from him then you should be taking a long hard look at yourself as well as your marriage. You admit you would be shocked if he did this to you. If my husband did it to me I think that 'shocked' is a very mild word for what I would feel.

Thanks all of you. I did tell the solicitor that the children know nothing of my plans. I'm sure they don't expect anything. I suggested I write a letter of explanation to oh and leave it stored there with will.

I went there just with idea of leaving a smallish lump sum to each child. It had never crossed my mind to be able to leave part of the house, but solicitor was most insistent when he heard how OH has been.

I feel a bit guilty as OH built that place up with his own efforts literally. He was a better builder than a Dad! He always said it was for us, but it's actually what he wanted. He will be shocked at what I've done behind his back. I think what I'd feel if positions were reversed. I would be shocked too, but would downsize and give DC some money. Oh well, as you say it won't worry me then.

I feel sad that this action is probably necessary.

My sibling and Dh and a very good friend are all aware, and have solicitors details.

You have done the same as DH and I have, though for different reasons. Ours is a second marriage and we each have children from our previous marriage, so it ensures all will benefit.
Otherwise, if the first to die leaves all to their spouse, it is all too easy for the children of the first to die to inherit nothing, either because it is all swallowed up in care fees, or just spent, possibly deliberately to deprive them, or because the surviving spouse protects only his/her own heirs.

So it is for many couples a good idea to become tenants in common so the house can be split this way, whilst still allowing the surviving spouse to live there.

You’ve been very fair and have made good provision for both your children and your other half. Nobody will be losing out. However, he might pop off first so you might not have to worry about him being upset!

In the circumstances you describe I think you are doing the right and best thing for your children. You have obtained legal advice regarding what you are entitled to leave to your children. You mentioned leaving a letter to your husband explaining that the children knew nothing about the arrangements. That is a good idea and it will express your views in your own words. I would suggest that you leave that letter with your Will at your solicitors office only to be opened after your death. Verbal messages of your intentions etc can be lost over time as solicitors leave or retire or just the passing of time. You can also be confident the letter cannot be lost or even destroyed by anyone.

Your children's future relationship with their father will be determined by them and you will have ensured that they will receive what you wanted them to receive. Well done for taking carefully thought out and well advised action in a difficult situation.

You are not being "horrible" you are doing what a good mother does - protecting and looking after her children. ?

It would be a wise precaution seacliff for you to tell your solicitor, either verbally of in writing that your children know nothing of your plans and have not influenced you to make this decision.

If you said this when you made the will it should be recorded in the attendance notes but if not, make sure your solicitor is told.

Otherwise your OH could accuse your children of coercing you into leaving part of your estate to them, rather than him.

Thanks Luckygirl and everyone else for your support, it makes me feel better.

It is a weird feeling to be making a will! Especially as so many people seem to be dying recently who are a similar age to me.

I will do it and then just forget all about it. Although now being more aware of my own mortality I am tempted to blow some on a holiday, with or without OH!!

I am sure you are right to be doing this now. You can then rest easy that you have made your wishes clear. I hope that all this will not arise for a long time yet!

I will just double check with sold about tenants in kind.

Nonnie, it IS clear that he can only have the proceeds from investment, not the capital, and trustees have power over capital. Hard to do in reality possibly, but alternative is not allowing him to have any income from house sale, he did increase the value of house a lot by his hard work

Sounds a good plan Seacliff and as others have said you won’t be around if he’s annoyed and you have put in it that the children do not know so he can’t say they influenced you sounds perfect

I'm sorry, I seem to have lost the plot this afternoon. I'll leave it to someone who can marshall their thoughts properly.

If my brain is back in gear, I think your solicitor is correct!!

I'll go and cook!!

You sound like a lovely thoughtful & fair lady Seacliff,I think you have done the right thing . Best wishes

I think this another thing to consider as we age, we hold our property as joint tenants, if I die first it will go to OH and as he will need immediate care ,the whole value of the house would go for care.
As he has a diagnosis of Àlzhèimers, we cannot change that.

The will says I give my share of the freehold property situate .....which I hold with my oh as tenants in common, or any other freehold property in which we then reside

I did ask sold if oh needed to be informed now. He said not. It is an old local family firm, with good reputation.

I hope it's all correct.

Tenants in common is different to joint tenants. We are tenants in common as we are a second time around couple, so we each own half our property, and in the event of us needing care only our own part of the property can have a charge put against it.

All the land registry docs just show both of our names

flipping heck 'or jointly and severally'. Joint tenants is also known as 'Tenants in common'. I'm going for a lie down now!!

My understanding is that you can only leave your half of the house if it is specified that it you own a half.

I should have said is your house held as joint tenants or jointly or severally.

Just one question your half of the balance to be invested to give him an income. Would that mean he could spend it and your family not get as much as you plan for them? Or perhaps he could only get the interest? I think I would want that very carefully worded in the will.