Divorce costs

I can't offer legal advice but I do have a word of warning. Don't try to pursue this indefinitely, there comes a time when compromise is called for. I went after more money from my ex as I knew there were discrepancies, I got the money but the legal costs outweighed this. I didn't have young children to consider.
I hope your daughter and family move onto better things after all the difficulties.

In my own experience the legal costs spiral very quickly and things are dragged out for so long. Avoid it if at all possible.

This is only my personal experience
Nothing came forth from mine, not a penny but I chose to walk away with the kids and start again completely rather than drag everything through court I know that may not be many’s choice but it was right for me I didn’t have the means to lose a lot with lawyers court costs etc so preferred to have nothing but what we stood up in and I provided best I could and gradually rebuilt our lives without anything from him the children were 2,6,&8 ( they are now 51, 49 and 45 and all have professions and families of their own)
I couldn’t risk battles

Thanks for your replies. It’s a hard call when the other partner’s offer is so unreasonable.

I don't know if this has already been done but please do go and visit the CAB. I am not sure what the rules are these days but would Legal Aid be a possibility? Things are changing so often that it might well be worth getting advice before making any decisions. Good luck and I hope everything works out ok.

Wouldnt it be up to the court to decide how much should be offered
I too have walked away with nothing, even though i apparently could have kept the house until the youngest were 16,but no one, not even my solicitor told me this

Try to get this settled asap. There are some very strange rulings around financial matters following divorce as we found when my DD was divorcing an impossibly difficult man. If the financial matters drag on and are not signed off, you can find, for example, that if your daughter won some money, he will be entitled to half.

You can usually get a free half hour with lots of solicitors.

I'm not sure, but I think there is no longer legal aid for divorce.

Suggest mediation...

We had a solicitor each and went through arbitration. He was being a total a$rse - even his solicitor said so! - but wasn't moving from his position until a mutual friend asked him why he wanted to punish his children. It didn't go to court in the end. I paid £6,000 solicitor's fees; he presumably did too. Worth it for an airtight agreement that drew a solid financial line under the whole sorry business.

Op - there are often threads about this on mumsnet with lots of current advice.

In most cases the courts insist upon mediation which is suposed to enable the parties to find a fair solution without excessive use of lawyers (though in many cases the mediator is actually a lawyer).
Do you know why your SIL is being so difficult janep57?

Many solicitors offer half-an-hour free advice. It might be worth looking for one, but it is important to know exactly what you want to ask as 30 minutes goes so quickly.

Legal aid is no longer available in family proceedings unless there has been domestic abuse. However I can suggest three things which might help
1) find out if any local family law solicitors offer a free half hour appointment, many do and if you clearly write up before you go what you want to ask you may get a rough idea if you stand a chance of success at court. Please don’t waste any time in these appointment in angry ranting (tempting though it can be) half an hour goes very quickly so be prepared and use it to get an idea of viability of a claim
2) an excellent website that has lots of information and videos about how to divorce as a litigant in person
www.advicenow.org. Remember the law does not require you to have a solicitor, representing yourself keeps costs down to just the court fee application,especially if you ask that each side pays their own costs!
3) if your case looks complex someone like Citizens Advice can refer you to a charity called the Pro Bono unit where retired barristers oversee law students in assisting with court representation at no cost to the litigant. Unfortunately you can’t refer yourself but Citizens Advice can.
Good luck

My solicitor said my ex would have to be reasonable as a court case would be costly

Has your DD's ex-husband got a solicitor? Does your DD have a solicitor? If not, I would suggest that your daughter gets one. The law requires the cleanest break and the starting point is a 50% split at the date of the declaration of assets and liabilities.
How far as your DD got with the divorce? Your DD can ask for a complete financial picture and your ex_SIL's solicitor should help him realise what is expected of him and how much it will cost him to defend a case launched by your DD.

youngagain
Legal aid is not granted for civil cases and divorce is a civil matter.

#1 daughter's ex was not reasonable and she had one child by him and an older one to support. She did pursue it and the offer was improved. I do know it did cost money she struggled to manage, but I am not sure how much. I think you should get legal advice. CAB perhaps first?

A friend told me recently of someone she knows had been to court for a settlement and it cost them something like £75k - he has to pay two-thirds of that and she has to pay one-third.

My daughter went to what used to be the CSA to try to get my ex son in law to contribute towards the children - she asked for nothing for herself as she works full time. In the four years since he went off with his new partner he has only paid a year's worth of support money although he is a teacher and in full time employment. He keeps telling my grandchildren he has no money but he had gone on to have two more children with his current partner who doesn't work. The GC spent half term with their other GP's and he spent some time with them, still moaning he had no money to 'treat' them. When the GC came home my eldest GD asked when my DD was going to divorce him!! Apparently he wants to get married again but hasn't the money to get a divorce, even once the five years are up. My DD is furious he expects her to pay for the divorce and is quite content to stay as separated rather than divorced. He threatens now and then to take it to court but nothing happens - my daughter is trying to get the CSA to pursue the missing payments but they are, quite frankly, about as much use as a chocolate teapot, but she doesn't see why she should have to go to court to get him to pay for his own children, £60 per week to cover all three was what was set - he would be paying much more if he was still living with them!

I agree the CSA are useless. My daughter has been trying to get support for their 9 year old daughter for years and she just gets letters from them saying they are chasing him but cannot prove he works. They say he owes thousands but she will never see it. He does lots of cash in hand jobs and spends all his money going to raves. His daughter does not even get birthday/Xmas cards.

My exh offered me to keep house with small mortgage on it but he keep his pension and our joint business in which I had equal shares all for himself. I chose to seek advice form solicitor and she advised to get all assets valued before deciding. It was good advice as business alone was over four times the value of house. In effect my ex was offering me about 22% and proposing he kept 78% for himself when his pension was put into pot. I refused his offer and insisted on 50/50 split and had to go to court. Ex was so angry and did not turn up in court on 2 occasions. Judge annoyed as ex making things more difficult than need be and so judge awarded me 55% and ex only 45% as children living with me. We had to sell house though to release equity and I bought new house for me and kids. She should not settle for less than 50/50.

CSA did help me to get £55 for one child under 18 for me. They told ex they would confiscate his driving licence unless he paid and he did pay up albeit grudgingly. He needed his driving licence for work. I did have to go to a tribunal though to demonstrate lifestyle inconsistent with declared income.

The cost will depend on how long it takes! If the solicitor charges £200 ph the cost will spiral rapidly