Social Care and daughter

I was a carer for a parent from the age of seven so probably see this from a completely different viewpoint. The Morphine question is solvable with the help of a competent pharmacist. What is of greater concern to me is a stolen childhood for a little girl. She may well be sensible and grown up for her age, but I know she will be an adult one day, with many regrets. I hope her needs do not get forgotten.

Yes, you're right, Maryeliza, it does need a permanent solution, assuming the OP's daughter's condition isn't going to improve.

Having reread your posts my sympathy has been somewhat eroded.
You seem to be suggesting that but for a family tragedy your SIL would not have stayed around, he finds caring for your daughter full time affects his mental health (understandable) & your daughter does not want to attend the tribunal which could increase her benefits as she finds it stressful.
In the midst of this is a 7 year old child caring for a sick & disabled parent.
Your daughter & her partner seem to have chosen to have another baby with little thought as to who will care for it. I agree with Maryeliza that a solution needs to be found as a matter of urgency otherwise SS will become involved & rightly so.

I so feel for this little girl who I am ( perhaps wrongly) imagining may not be in school well how can she be if the mother can’t be alone and the father is out at work all day

Ican I don’t want to sound judgemental but you say you can’t help as you have other family commitments but what can need more help than this little girl There are two families involved here the in-laws ? you , your husband/her father if there is one, siblings if there are any, aunts uncles cousins, friends, yet no one is helping except a 7 year old
You are rightly very concerned about your daughter and her illnesses they sound dreadful ( did they come out of the blue, after an accident? or virus?) but you seem to take the little girls help as a given, just remarking that she’s very competent, when it sounds as if a 7 year old is in charge of the house and a distressingly ill Mum all day, every day Maybe I ve got this all wrong and I do apologise if I have but she can’t look after a new born on top of everything else

I too, am really concerned for the little girl. As I said in a previous post, I’ve got two granddaughters similar in age, and not only would it be so sad to think of them giving up their childhoods, but I know that neither of them would be capable.

I think your son in law is being rather selfish, putting himself before his little daughter , and as someone has previously said, will the new baby be added to her list of duties?

I agree with the above; the main concern should be for the seven year old daughter:
'Her daughter is able to look after herself, make a sandwich and drink, put herself to bed etc'.
Do you really think that is all right? And expecting her to deal with morphine, and shortly, a new baby?
Poor children.

This is an untenable situation Icanhandthemback The new baby is a done deal now so things have to move on. Someone here has to step up to the plate whether it be you or your son in law, your granddaughter cannot be expected to take on these responsibilities.
As I have said on other threads the safety of children is paramount, I could not in all conscience advocate a way for the child to help with the medication issue.

Has your daughter had a CHC checklist done to see if she can have some funding for care.

We need to use the proper words here, your GD is being neglected. Just because she is feeding herself does not mean it is okay.

In the short term, the liquid morphine has to stop, it is not okay for a child to be dispensing it and when the baby is born it will be harder to titrate the babys withdrawl doses if the doses have been ad hoc and from the sounds of it, too much! Your DD should not be taking so much it knocks her out. It is not a sedative, if you take so much that that happens, you are playing roulette with fatal doses.

More controlled or Slow release forms would help with managing the babys withdrawl when its born

The baby will be born withdrawing. Do you know what that means?

Foster care may be the best case scenarios for the kids at the moment.

Does anybody know of anything she can do as I am sure she has a right to be a mother

In the UK we only have parental responsibilities, not rights

You daughter needs to put her kids first. She needs to speak to SS and tell them that she cannot be in sole care of these kids.

If she doesnt do that for her kids sake, she cares about herself more than the kids!

Options are:
Carers
Family carers
Family fostering
External fostering
Adopion.

The kids being home alone with your DD in these circumstamces should not be considered by anyone who claims to care for these kids!

And by family carers I mean adults.

This has gone beyond what a child carer should be doing. If your DD cannot stay alert, kids should have someone else supervising them.

I am open mouthed the more I think about this and the more I think of ican thinking that a 7 year old should be doing this without an adult around making a sandwich and drink and putting herself to bed keeps going round in my head
Why aren’t the two families in there, what can be more important in your life than a very ill daughter and a granddaughter who is in a totally unsafe situation, poor little lady
You need to sort this now and not have that tiny child administering morphine and nursing her mother a day longer
This is playing on my mind why isn’t it yours ?

This is a terrible situation for everyone in it but your grandchild didn't choose any of it, she's had no voice in any decision. This is gransnet, full of grannies of all descriptions I'd imagine, but I'm sure most of us would be in the little girl's corner. She needs a guardian for herself and her future sibling who is going to need more care and attention than she should be expected to provide. I'm sure that the practicalities of a small demanding little baby and the nightly routines etc have not been thoroughly thought through enough to guarantee that this responsibility does not impact on the granddaughter.

Bluebelle.

This little girl is playing on my mind too!

I don't think that the powers that be would be very impressed by this present situation. For a start morphine is a dangerous drug and is usually administered by " one who knows " and under supervision.
Adult social services should be involved and even a GP who could help provide a self-medicating kit to be used when and if. For a child to carry out this task is a no no afaik !

Also concerned for the little girl and the new baby. Neither parent sounds capable. Your daughter won’t go to a tribunal because it’s stressful!!? What about the stress she and her partner are bringing by choosing to have another child?! I am amazed that social services have not done more.

This situation cannot be allowed to continue. The husband/father sounds totally selfish, even if he has been a full-time carer for 6 years, and should not leave his 8 year old daughter alone to care for her heavily pregnant mother and administer morphine as and when necessary. I am sure Young Carers are concerned, who wouldn't be? What other commitments do you have that you can't be there for your disabled daughter and your granddaughter? Please, with the help of your SIL and other family members, make long-term arrangements to ensure the safety of all concerned, before your new grandchild is born, as this is indeed an impossible situation.

Would the father be happier to be a stay at home dad if he was single? Sounds like the marraige is dead in the water anyway, and if his reason for not being home is his wife, it might be better if he moves out and takes sole residency of the kids.

I am assuming that the health of the unborn baby is being monitored, and arrangements are in place to care for a newborn suffering morphine withdrawal. This sounds like a very unsafe situation for the baby and the little girl. I think you need to inform Social Services right away: both children are in danger.

We don't know what your other commitments are but I can't think of anything more important than getting proper care for this family. The situation sounds very dangerous all round suppose she decides to see what mum's medicine tastes like. 7/8 year old little girls can seem very grown up but it is an illusion.

I may be only guessing but I think there could be a very real danger of the little girl being taken into care if SS knew she had access to a dangerous drug like morphine let alone responsibility for administering it.
Without prying, how much more pressing are your “commitments to another family member”?
What do you see as your priorities in the situation and is there absolutely no “wriggle room” ?

If I knew of anyone who was in this situation I would be on the phone to SS immediately. This is neglect and the blame lies 50/50 with DD and SIL.

If, as the OP says in her first post, there has been. Young Carers Assessment then Children’s Services are already involved.

There are various criteria for what constitutes inappropriate care and administering medication is one of them.
There should be action as a result of the assessment. The risks to the children of this family, born and unborn are evident.

I hope the OP is looking at the situation in a new light now and that she returns to set our minds at ease. I’m sure everyone who has read this thread is very worried about this little girl.

. To be blunt, the adults here had no 'right" to conceive another child without a thought for its safety both pre and ante natal let alone dumping all this responsibility on the shoulders of a 7 year old child. I am baffled at how the children's father is feeling better and in a happier place mentally knowing his daughter is taking over his responsibilities. As to a child administering morphine to a pregnant woman, this is scandalous. I do not wish to upset or offend you but this pregnancy is a selfish act by two selfish people.

If, as the OP says in her first post, there has been. Young Carers Assessment then Children’s Services are already involved.

If the OPs DD has been playing down how incapacitated she is when in sole charge of the child then they may not be working on the correct information.

Someone (that'll be you OP) needs to tell them how bad it is so they can do their jobs and safeguard those kids!

I can’t help feeling the father is a waste of space, he’s pretty hopeless and selfish now, what’s he going to be like with the added burden of a baby