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Legal, pensions and money

no income

(255 Posts)
Lilylavender Mon 26-Aug-19 18:54:13

I dont understand why I have no money of my own
My hubby is 70 amd gets state pension plus pension credit which apparently inlcudes a small amount for being married
as i am only 62 have to wait 4 years for my pension if it ever happens as they keep raising the age
We dont actually have enough pension for hubby to give me some for spending money as we have two sons at home who also,pay board which pays for broadband etc
I feel like I am a second class citizen. A woman who brought a family up and has to ask the husband for any pennies. In the case of his bday anniversary christmas etc I cant go and buy anything is secret.
I realize that most women my age with pension age husband maybe in the same boat. I brought up 5 children over 37 years so never had a private pension nor worked full time.
I feel left out. Surely we should be paid something.

Barmeyoldbat Tue 27-Aug-19 08:07:40

You have adult children living at home, therefore all the bills for electric, phone, council tax etc. should be share equally amongst you. Four adults in the house, I would expect each adult to pay a 25% share, including food.

Secondly, can you not get a part time job? I am sure you could work on the till in a supermarket for a few hours a week and this would give you your own money.

If you are to ill to work then you need to check out your benefits. You also need to make sure you have a joint bank account so you can see where the money is going.

I am sorry you are in this position but I must admit I do find it hard to believe that you could never have worked.

BlueBelle Tue 27-Aug-19 08:12:10

Perhaps lilywill come back and give us some more details I too was wondering if she has been kept at home by a controlling man who now doesn’t give her any money as his own circumstances have changed perhaps by retiring
As the husband is getting his pension and pension credit (which will be as a married couple won’t it?) and two sons living at home paying their way(or are they? 2 grown men paying for broadband etc doesn’t cut the mustard) the poster shouldn’t be living in poverty so I think what lily means maybe, is she has no money of her own that she doesn’t have to ask for and again I say get a little part time jobs or work from home and build up a few pounds that way very hard for you if you ve never worked out the house
Was it your choice to stay at home all these years Lily ?

Doodledog Tue 27-Aug-19 08:31:05

Class 2 contributions are for the self-employed and people living abroad. Class 3 are £15 a week, and are for everyone else.

Fiachna56 Tue 27-Aug-19 09:20:36

Well with some of the responses on here I wonder if the lady will actually return at all. Yes, I understand that many of us worked, contributed, etc but life is not always as cut and dried for many people. There were couples who agreed that mum stayed home with the children and husband went out to work. The kept woman comment is an insult, I always thought men and women should be a partnership within a relationship, no one keeps anybody.As for the lady who got her degree, thats great, but not everyone has academic capability or even opportunity. We really dont know this lady's circumstances. If she has come on here asking for advice, advice is what she should have got. To the lady re the 12 year old, I apologise, all I meant was I could not do that. It was not meant as a personal judgement. I do understand posters here being upset about folk who have never worked getting same pension as those who, like myself ,worked for years. I think though that has changed now. I also agree that the pension both needed to be at age 65 for men and women, but it's the way it was done. However, I will now withdraw from this thread. I hope the lady comes back and gets some help from the replies.

Doodledog Tue 27-Aug-19 09:47:55

Fiachna56 Sorry, but you are doing it again grin. You say you are not judging, but that is exactly what you are doing by saying that leaving a 12 year old for half an hour is something you wouldn’t do. You are implying that my parenting is inferior to yours. This is similar to implying that any disagreement is unsupportive, as ‘women should support one another’, and making a comment then stepping away from the thread is just insisting on having the last word.

Yes, marriages can be partnerships; but it’s not a partnership when one party has nothing and the other claims all of the household income.

FWIW, I agree that the OP has had a bit of a hard time on the thread. Pensions hit a very raw nerve for many of us, and perhaps her wording ‘I don’t understand why I have no money’ didn’t help.

There have been suggestions of what she could do to help herself, though - I don’t think people have been unkind, just blunt.

gillybob Tue 27-Aug-19 10:00:27

Well I can see both sides. Speaking for myself I have never had the luxury of not working . My son was a typical latch key kid as I was a single parent . Later when I met my (now) DH, I was able to bring him and his sister to work with me sometimes but still didn’t have the luxury ( and to me it would be a massive luxury) of being a stay at home mum. Of course now having worked full time for almost 40 years I am told I will have to work another 10 to get a state pension, which will mean I will have paid 50 years of NI .

I’m sorry for the OP but I’m more sorry for those of us who having worked and brought up our children, have been cheated out of the retirement we expected and deserved at 60 .

etheltbags1 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:13:12

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Doodledog Tue 27-Aug-19 10:17:24

Oof! That’s a bit strong!

Jaye53 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:21:59

Lilylavender.sorry that some are giving you a hard time.but can you ask your sons for extra funds and explain why?

etheltbags1 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:22:04

Yes i agree but feel strongly about this subject. Thr kept woman of yesterday has gone for good. We must alll work for outselves

Jeanlizzie Tue 27-Aug-19 10:23:13

etheltbags1 thanks for that helpful contribution to the thread , I'm sure you've made the OP feel 100% better

GrandmaMoira Tue 27-Aug-19 10:24:29

I know this sounds unsympathetic but I don't understand why the OP doesn't understand why she has no money of her own. She is not old enough to have a pension, she does not work and her children are too old for her to receive child benefit. Where would this money come from? Her husband and children have incomes which pay the bills so the State would not provide benefits.
It sounds as if the issues are in the family with possibly a controlling husband and children not paying their way. As others have said, the best option is a job.

Marydoll Tue 27-Aug-19 10:24:50

Fiachna56, I made a lot of sacrifices to get that second degree to try and give my children the life I never had.
I was brought up in a very deprived household with a chronically ill father. Some days my mother had no money in her purse to buy a loaf of bread.
I started a Saturday job at 14 and my mother took every penny off me. So I was basically working for nothing.

My mother didn't approve of me going to university, as she wanted me working.
I got a job in a working men's club and paid my way through uni. Although I got a small grant (because my parents were already on benefits,} my mother took that from me to pay for my keep.

Opportunities don't come to you, you have to find them and try and find a way round difficulties.
If I hadn't been academically able to go to uni, I would have done something else.

This is not meant to be a sob story, it's to illustrate that you have to be proactive.

I have so much admiration for Gillybob and how she has found opportunities and worked so hard for her family.

It may seem as if I'm being unkind to OP, I'm not. She should be having a conversation with her husband about how she feels.

jaylucy Tue 27-Aug-19 10:24:54

Just what I was thinking Daisymae!
If their board covers paying for the internet, that they no doubt use, they could also pay for the tv licence and I hope they pay towards the food that they eat and you cook for them.
Sit down with them and explain that the cost of things is going up so they need to put more in the pot then take the extra and pop it into your own bank account to spend on yourself - you have earned it !
As far as losing the free dental treatment etc, when you finally get your own pension, you won't - EVERYBODY over 60 gets free NHS dental treatment, eye tests, prescriptions etc. Mind you, surprised they haven't knocked that one on the head by now!
Might be an idea as well to have a chat with your husband and explain how you feel - really surprised he doesn't give you "housekeeping" but maybe, he has always paid the bills etc and it has never entered his brain that you would like to be able to pay for things like presents etc without asking him because you have never asked him !

newnanny Tue 27-Aug-19 10:28:28

Go to government website and put in your National Insurance number and it will tell you how much pension you can expect. If you have only worked part-time did you pay pension contribution via N I stamp? Many married women did not pay this. Thankfully I listened to my dear old Dad who told me to pay in to get a pension in my own right. If you were at home raising children you will have been given some pension credits. If you want your own money sooner you will either have to work for it with part-time job or claim pip. Have you thought of baby sitting or dog walking? I have already got 35 years N I paid and retired from teaching early due to health but still look after foster child which i get paid for, but cannot claim Teacher's occupation pension until 2 more years when i will be sixty and then about 8k state pension when i get to 67 years. I am fortunate my dh has good salary and we share money and 2 ac living at home pay towards household bills. Are you charging your ac enough?

Doodledog Tue 27-Aug-19 10:31:24

Over 60s get free prescriptions, but not free dental treatment unless they are on benefits.

etheltbags1 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:32:03

JAYLUCY. I beg your pardon. Who told you over 60s get free dental treatment. I have to scrimp to afford mine and often miss appointments due to the cost

Theoddbird Tue 27-Aug-19 10:37:42

Open your own account and put money from sons in it. They should be paying around £50 minimum a week each I would have thought to cover food, electricity they use and washing etc. If tgey are not paying this much why not

Luckygirl Tue 27-Aug-19 10:37:43

You do need a joint account - we had one from day one of our marriage. All income shared - mind you, the only income was mine at the time, so OH was very happy indeed with the arrangement!

I got my state pension at 60, but missed the date for contribution credits during child-bearing years, so it is smaller than it might have been.

I am sorry that you are feeling like a second class citizen - would OH consider joint account? You could threaten to stop whatever household duties fall to you!

It is not about OH "giving" you some money; it is about sharing the assets that you have. All his pension and the board you receive from AC is joint income and should all go into one pot. Are you charging enough board? - although this might mess up the benefits if it was too high.

Luckygirl Tue 27-Aug-19 10:39:43

I absolutely agree about the unfairness of shifting the goalposts on retirement age. I just skimmed in under the wire on that one!

newnanny Tue 27-Aug-19 10:40:54

Even though we could well afford to support 2 ac living in loft extension, we choose not to do so and they pay 1/4 each of council tax, electricity and gas, internet and Virgin entertainment package as each son has this in own room. They also contriute to food bill. Each son has to cook one night each week unless their working commitments do not allow it and do own laundry. Mollycoddling ac does them no favours at all. They know we will help them with a deposit should they wish to buy own property. We have made them too comfortable in loft extension with enormous bedrooms each and Jack and Jill shower room. OP wprk out how much 1/4 of all bills cost and charge your ac that amount.

etheltbags1 Tue 27-Aug-19 10:41:23

Sorry if i was a bit abrupt earlier. If i had 2 sons at home i would be charging them at leat 250 per month That would give me 500 pound to cover bills and a little bit for myself. Dd gave me that and was happy to do so ten years ago now maybe you could ask for more after all if these lads had their own place they would pay much more in rent alone

chelseababy Tue 27-Aug-19 10:51:44

newnanny had to look that up - now know what Jack and Jill ensuite is!

Daisyboots Tue 27-Aug-19 10:53:57

I think what everyone is forgetting is that the OP's husband is already getting means tested benefits with the pension credit so it is a Catch 22 situation. If the OP tries to get benefits in her own name or gets a job the pension credit will be reduced or totally taken away.
The OP has said that she has applied for a pension forecast . Plus she did say that she has worked in part time jobs over the years but not full time ones.

Scottiebear Tue 27-Aug-19 10:55:06

Think you are touching on sensitive ground here, because so many of us who are a similar age to you have worked most of our lives and paid full contributions, as well as raising children. And we are in the same boat pension wise. So I'm afraid you will probably get little sympathy on that front. If you have health issues that have prevented you from working, I'm surprised you have not been entitled to some sort of benefit.