Dividing up family treasures

First rule: make a Will. Include very clear instructions as to what you want to happen to any items of particular interest or value. Don't rely on verbal assurances that so-and-so will have my gold bracelet, for example, As others have said, the deceased person's belongings can turn even the most friendly of families into vultures and that is not an understatement. My mother-in-law's neice who had not even been mentioned in the Will claimed there were certain items which she had been promised, and had we not been in the house at the time I'm sure she would have stripped it bare.

Having only one child and few other close relatives does make life easier. Mine is sole executor and everything, house, contents and personal possessions (including my cat!) go to her. She knows how I feel about certain items but frankly what she chooses to do with them is her decision, and in any case I shall not be there to see!

I have only one child, who is my soleg Executor to whom everything, house, contents, personal possessions,

Sorry about omitting to edit this message. Blame it on the very hot, sunny weather we have at present!

If there are the same number of rings as granddaughters I would give each girl a ring as it is. She can then decide if she wants it reset or not.

You don't say how many brothers and sisters you have or what terms you are on. It is, however, very difficult to settle an estate without someone feeling hurt.

Ask the family what they would like, and try to work out what you will do if two people want the same thing.

You might want to ask for a valuation of the jewellery, medals and silver before starting this, but remember that there is a significant difference in monetary terms between a valuation for insurance purposes and for sale of the item. A higher value is placed on these items when you take out an insurance than when you want to sell them.

If no-one wants these items, I would suggest you sell them and divide the proceeds between your siblings and yourself.

When selling furniture or other household items such as china, the price you will get depends entirely on what is fashionable right now.

Personally l would sell it all and divide the money. Saves the resentments setting in.

Well as you have inherited them it is up to you to decide. When you die it will be their turn to inherit for now, just enjoy them. No decisions necessary at the moment. If anyone asks for something sentimental specifically then give it unless it has greater significance to you then leave it to them in your will.

Why does jewellery always seem to be given to daughters ? This part of the family gives them to their daughters (gds)whilst gds from a son receive none. Please think ahead and include your sons in your bequests, they may have daughters one day.

My father did what you did Wibby but he was too impatient and didn't wait until all the great grandchildren had taken a look at mum's jewellry so he went to a Cash for Gold place and sold all the gold chains etc without telling myself or my sister.We were deeply upset at this.

When Mum died me and my four sisters had all moved in with my Mum to care for her on rota system day and night. We expected it to be up to three months but was six weeks in the end. We had all been allocated one item Mum wanted us to have. I got solid silver tea set on silver plated tray. After Mum passed we had to sort through parents things. If we had given something to Mum as a gift we had first option on taking it back if we wanted it. Next we took turns to choose an item for each grandchild. Clothing, curtains and most linen all went to charity shops. Two sisters wanted China, two sisters wanted bits and bulbs from garden. Mum used to collect bells from different countries and I took some of them.

I have been involved in several people's estates. I recall a colleague years ago who was one of 12 children! He told me an inventory of items with valuation was made. All children minus spouses gathered at a table and the list was circulated from eldest down. Each had the option of picking the most valuable or of most sentiment.

My MIL died tragically and her children did not cope well with the death so I took on job of sorting house including ejecting a lodger. Apart from one visit from a sister in law who dealt with clothes/kitchen items to go to charities and a good diamond ring taken by another, there was no more interest, In the end, I did out a list of all furniture etc remaining and circulated to the children and then organised a house clearance firm to deal with contents in time for its sale.

When my Mum died Dad invited my sister and I around and asked us to choose in turn which items of jewellery we wanted. It was a strange and upsetting going through Mum's jewellery box but we both felt happy with the outcome. My mother-in-law died 2 months later and she had told me that the jewellery was to go to the 2 DILs. My BIL had divorced by then and FIL, the executor, didn't consider her as part of the family. When we arrived at the scattering of MIL's ashes 6 months later at her home, can you imagine my surprise when all her jewellery was laid out on a table with an invitation from FIL to all the relatives to "help themselves". The vulture aunts descended and I was left with nothing! When challenged later he said "I didn't think that you would mind". If he had asked me I would have been happy to take a couple of items and let the family have the rest. Instead I was speechless and sad to say it has coloured my judgement of him and the aunts since. I would advise BoadiceaJones to tread very carefully as it does stir up feelings. Make a list of the items of value and discuss between the beneficiaries who will have what on a rota choose basis. All other items can be open to any of the grandchildren to take mementos as they wish. This happened with my Grandad and I am the proud owner of fish plates that are of no value but remind me of him every time I see them.

I don't have a lot of jewellery, my pandora is to be shared between my granddaughter's my wedding rings I have two mine and my grandmother's will go to my daughter and a pair of earrings to each of my dil's I have grandson and he will get one of my husband watches as a memento and I plan to leave a letter with the will stating this.

When my MIL passed away her sister and neice swooped on the house and took the majority of her nice clothes without asking if anyone else wanted them. Then her own Son & Daughter (hubby's brother and sister) also went in and took all the family photos, jewellery etc so they could "empty the house". Hubby was never asked if he wanted anything from the house and it wasn't until years later that his sister (after deciding what she wanted to keep) offered him a ring which he gave to me. So I asked for an old mirrored picture of his Dad which had been in someone's loft since her passing, we now have it on the wall in the living room. Hubby wasn't bothered about possessions but it would have been nice to be asked, he was given nothing of his Dad's who had passed away a few years earlier.

When my mother died, there was just my sister and me clearing out. We took back things we had given her (if we wanted them) and then took turns in choosing. It worked very well. My sons were offered things and the two grandchildren were too small. My sister did not have any children, so I guess it's a lot easier with a small family.

It's a tough one. Several children and quite a few grandchildren, we all get on well, and we'd all say that. I said I wanted nothing, ditto one of my two. The other one had been promised a piece of jewellery (not valuable, but because they played with it when young, Mum had promised it to them), I can't remember who got it, but we didn't! There were 2 other things requested (again of little or no value), one couldn't be found, and the other Mum had promised to another grandchild. So the 3 of us got zilch.

Pressed too soon. Of sentimental items I chose an old bread board that I rolled marbles around the sunken rim as a child, one sister had cake tin, one sister chose a little penguin ornament she remembered Mum buying after a visit to a zoo. We all had a Christmas bauble that had been grannies. We all got a cut glass vase as Mum had five of those. Lots of stuff boxed up and taken to charity shop including boxes and boxes of books. Some things like wall units and sideboards put on Freecycle and went quickly. A grandchild who was moving into first home had three piece suit and freezer. 0ne grandchild took a few jigsaws. Two sisters took handbags. Great-grandchildren got momento like a cookie jar
One sister took a few garden tools. We have everything we could to charity and Freecycle and then my brother in law kindly took remaining boxes of bits to tip. This made us feel terribly upset and we all met up for a meal after we cleaned house together. Mum was always careful with money but we were surprised at how much money she had in shares, bonds and saved in bank, along with sale of house we all had equal share of estate. We all got far more than we had expected and we were all sad Mum had not treated herself to more when alive. But as my sister pointed out to Mum family was everything. She got what she wanted most regular visits from daughter's and grandchildren even when grandkids grew into adults. My sons made regular trips from Midlands to Devon to see her and sometimes stayed weekend and did garden jobs for her like paint garden shed and fence each year. What we all value is the happy childhood we all had and Dad taught us all how to budget and save. As soon as we started our first job Dad sat us down and helped us organise our pensions. I can remember how we all laughed and teased each other at the time. So glad he did that for us now though.

I think it is up to the children of the deceased to deal with this, not grandchildren. When my mother passed away, we each began by taking any jewellry or other presents we had bought her. The rest was then divided up ( but most peoplr didn' t have room for much) and then the remainder of furniture etc sold or given away by the children.

ok, what we did was group together things of similar value, write them on pieces of paper and put them in a hat. Each drawing out in turn. This way everyone got something, but it saved arguments over 'I wanted this ring' or whatever, whatever you pulled out of the hat was yours no argument.
This worked extremely well and was very very fair.

I have already given most of my niece's jewelry from first marriage. Dd offered first but did not want as yellow gold. Then dd got angry I have 1/2 carrat diamond engagement ring to one of my niece's and eternity ring to another. Pearls to another and diamond necklace to another. I gave daughter's of my nephew's a dress ring and bracelets, earings or necklaces. First husband was generous with jewelry but when I remarried I could not wear it again. Sadly I have no grand daughter to leave jewelry too but two sons and two dgs will get it with one platinum ring for dd.

One piece of sage advice from a friend in 'antiques' - he said never share out any sets as they are worth so much more complete.
He is often presented with four valuable cups and saucers or half a dinner service to auction that would have realised ten times as much if whole. Somebody some day is likely to want to sell family treasures so it's worth bearing in mind; if Granny has a matching necklace , bracelet and earrings, don't share them out!

GrannyLaine that is really lovely.

Reading through this thread it appears that no one made a will - very strange
Make a will and state quite clearly what you want to happen. If there is a named executor there's no problem as anything taken without valuation is theft and is therefore open to charges as such.
ALL property of a deceased person has to be valued for probate, with or without a will.

Dillyduck. . Thanks for recommending the book. My mum’s moved into a residential home near to where I live my father died over a year ago and I am finding the sorting out of their belongings hard, Especially as my mum’s still living They are both hoarders so it’s going to take a looooong time ?

An old aunt of mine died and my dad sorted it all out, dividing fairly between four of them, clearing the house afterwards and leaving it ready for sale. He went back the next day to collect his brush and shovel and a brother had been in and even taken them!

I’m a bit worried about our stuff. We don’t have a lot of jewellery or valuable stuff but our son is a ‘gatherer’. He cleared everything that was left when we downsized houses and just put it all in his loft. My daughter keeps saying she’s worried if we don’t sort who gets what first, he’ll take the lot! She wants it all designated beforehand so there’s less chance of them falling out.

List all the valuable stuff and work out how many things or groups of things there are and how many people should benefit, print a copy of the list for each person and ask them to tick an appropriate number of things-so 15 things 5people-3 each. If more than one person has ticked something they can draw lots for it and the losers can choose from the other items. If you are a friendly family you can do it by putting stickers on things each person wants. But this can be a source of conflict when two rival members put on a sticker just so they can argue.

I ended up managing my parents’ estate unexpectedly when my sister had knee surgery. I made a list of family members in order of birthdate. I then sent an email with remaining items each time it was the next person’s turn to make a selection. I kept a list of their choices and everything that wasn’t chosen went to charity.