How to give money to adult children who are at different life stages

I was not in a position to give my 3 AC as much as that due to needing it for my future. I did have a sum to give so I split it at Xmas for my 3 a d my 6 grandchildren. I was tempted to hold some back from 1 grandchild as she is notorious for spending every penny she gets very quickly but I felt that was unfair. Its hard to be sure what's for the best. Any other money they will have to wait til I'm dead ! Which I hope will be along time yet. However we never know do we.

Yes a gift should be given freely but when it’s from a lifetime’s hard earned money it’s difficult not to want to see where it will be used. I hope you manage to find a property in order to downsize. I want to do exactly the same as you but in the southeast I can’t find anything that isn’t under offer or sold.

We have 3 children and have helped one to buy a house from a rented flat but only with the deposit so they now pay the mortgage etc but that is not more than they were paying in rent so you could do that for child 3. You are not going to turn the child out who lives with you so why not help set him/her in a flat as a deposit first months rent furniture etc will be needed. Then you can sort out your own move and make a gift of money to the homeowners. We have helped each child as needed and been open about it and they have been fine with that.

We have set up inheritances for our children when each reach a certain age. At 21 (which they have received) next at 30 the largest amount) which my eldest has received but not the youngest yet) and lastly at 40 (a smaller amount).
We wanted them to make their way in life and for these amounts to help along the way in whatever projects they might have. So they will never receive their inheritances at the same time but rather at the same age. What they do with it is entirely up to them and the amounts are identical for each.

Hmm....
Solution suggestion #1 : DC 1,2,3,4 I'd would have to gift them ALL equally.regardless of how I saw their status.theyre your children and I assume you don't pick favourites? The only thing you could do would be to tie up the #4 fund until he may have come to realise the value of property? Similarly #2 for reasons of saving from him/herself!
Solution suggestion #2 : gift them all exactly the same and as they're all adults, let them do with their very generous gifts what they will! Donating to charity if they so choose or buy a Ferrari?
Honestly if you're'giving' them money , it becomes theirs and you hav no say over how they use it. If it will worry you , make token gifts and the rest they can have once you've bobbled off!! Good luck!

Be careful you are not accused of disposing of assets to avoid paying for social care. I know you are not but the tax man could see it differently. Stay well for 7 years

Buffy

Yes a gift should be given freely but when it’s from a lifetime’s hard earned money it’s difficult not to want to see where it will be used. I hope you manage to find a property in order to downsize. I want to do exactly the same as you but in the southeast I can’t find anything that isn’t under offer or sold.

We don't have such problems in the north! We have perfectly good property for sale for. Up to 9years and no sale!!!! Some people still stuck in negative equity since crash in 2007/8 and no hope of escaping the millstone of an interest only debt that's never going to get paid off! So levelling up means so much more to us than cheaper bus fares!!!!

Last night I sold my house to my younger son at a discount and they gifted money to my daughter who was also moving. I kept the money for my eldest who rents and is single until he decides what he wants to do. I was only able to do this as I met a widower and we sold 2 properties and bought 1 between us. For me this was a great thing to do as I was able to give my 3 kids a decent sum (100k each) whilst leaving some for myself and to pay into a much better house than if I had been downsizing. Win win allaround. My kids are aware that they have had their inheritance early and depending on our situation, care needs etc there may not be much left. We have drawn up mirror wills and have got married. So everyone knows where they stand. My husband didn't have children but if we were both to die together everything would be split 6 ways between my 3 children and my husbands 3 siblings.

Last year!

I have two children and seven grandchildren I’m splitting everything three ways one third each for my children, one third equally between the grandchildren.
I hope they spend it wisely but I won’t be around to know so I don’t care.

Another financial minefield. The most important thing is to realise that adult children, unless they have special needs, are responsible for themselves, as you were when you were young. Every generation has its own challenges. That being said and having recently sold a property and made enough to free up a lump sum we decided to divide it equally between our two sons to use for family. Hopefully to have holidays or go out for meals, days out - for some fun after these last two years. Their children were each to receive a chunk for their savings account first. I know that number 2 son is not quite using the money as we’d hoped but that was our gamble. Definitely speak to a financial adviser - we did this and feel we have made good decisions, making sure that if we live into decrepitude a final holiday in Switzerland is affordable. We both have a chunk of premium bonds which act as easily accessible money - I don’t think they’re worth it as these days as an investment as it’s harder to win. I have had a couple of minimum wins and him indoors hasn’t had a penny., MIL wins every month! Trust funds?

couple of thoughts 1) there is property money and ordinary money and they are quite different. as property money 100K is good for deposit and putting towards, or being able to move up a bit to different area, bigger garden whatever Or maybe it could pay off a mortgage,.. as Ordinary everyday money itis massive. and that's the problem. You have every right to stipulate that it is property money as that will mean the longest benefit over their lifetimes. But for cars and holidays it is too indulgent and could cause so many more problems. As for this idea that gifts have to have no strings...disagree, better a gift with strings than no gift at all. My second pennorth is 'remember Lear'

I ask again where is OP? Has she started the thread as a wind up? She seems remarkably well off for someone who has earned it all by herself (£400k for children plus money to downsize and to live on, only 64) and the children are all so different. Maggie Tully/Lucy Snowe with a new theme?

Don’t let them blow the money !
I’d see if there’s any way you could buy two flats for the two renters. Maybe you could use their 100k to put down a deposit and pay a small mortgage on the rest? I think you’d be better to try to get a guaranteed roof over the heads of the ones who don’t own property, ( especially the one who lives with you) !
My sisters son has mental health issues and she’s ended up having to spend her pension on buying a flat for him to live in as he hasn’t been able to maintain rent etc,
I think if you don’t sort the one out with anxiety etc you’ll only end up having no end of problems because he’ll just blow the money and then probably have no where to live, and still be dependent on you. I wouldn’t let him blow the money. I’d buy somewhere with his share and maybe hope he pays the rent on the rest but realise he probably won’t.

Our 4 AC have all received around £20k.
2 of them used it to buy property.
1 of them used it towards extending and installing new kitchen in existing property.
1 of them has blown the lot.
What can you do? They are AC after all.
Good luck!

We have just been in exactly the same position. We have told them the money is there for when they want property, otherwise they get it when we die.

Please grassgreen -don't jump into making any rash decisions .

Your children aren't going to refuse a gift are they ?

You've worked very hard all your life .
You deserve a few treats - those holidays that you promised yourself .

And - you have no idea what needs you are going to have in the future .

One of my friends bought her daughter and family an expensive holiday to save their marriage when she needed to have a downstairs wet room installed.
Her daughter's marriage failed within months and her unfortunate ailing husband has to battle with bed baths and a commode daily.
He looks ghastly.

Early inheritance has caused a terrible rift and divisions in our family .

MOnica. Are you certain "you can give any amount of money away.......".
According to HMRC, it is £3,000 per tax year.
Read Chewbacca blog with same details as I was advised! If you know for certain "it is any amount" please confirm and kindly advise the source of this info.

Naninka
How is this possible? Read Chewbacca blog: £3000 a year only is ruling by HMRC.

So far, we do not have to fork any large sum of money to help our only daughter. She will be buying a property with her partner later this year but they managed to save up for the deposit. I did ask her how much she was hoping to save for the house purchase and she said £25k each.

We agree that we will give her a sum of money to furnish the house.

I will be reluctant to give my daughter a large sum of my hard earned money if I knew she is not capable of handling money.

Yes, but HMRC state that the limit is £3000 to a person annually.
One blogger said it was limitless monies. Another person said they gave £100K to each of their DC towards buying houses; how does that comply with HMRC ruling!

It’s £3000 before the gift s subject to the 7 year Inheritance Tax clause.

So if you gave £10,000 and then died, £7000 would form part of your estate for Inheritance Tax purposes. Getting less each year that you live.

And some minor gifts £500? to any number of people.

You can give away whatever you want. They’re only bothered about the Tax Implications.

Oh and depriving yourself of assets if you then want your care to be paid for.

You can give away any amount you like as long as you live for 7 years after the gift is made

Apologies for disappearing. Have had the 'not Covid' virus which has provided much thinking time.

I've read all your comments and really appreciate your suggestions and advice, and especially sharing your experiences, and it's led to me having individual conversations with AC about their aspirations. I haven't shared my potential plans with them but have become aware that each is maturing more than I'd realised.

What I'm also realising is that I don't have a clear idea of how much my next home will cost and how much I'm going to need to live on in the future. Therefore plucking sums like £100k (to give away to to each AC) out of the air is rather naive.

I intend to seek advice from a financial advisor and solicitor and also run potential gifting plans past my accountant.

Thank you again.