Obsession with Money

fancythat

Sounds like these people are downright scared.

I have to say, the only thing dh’s old aunt was ‘scared’ of, was of having to part with any of her money. And it wasn’t because she’d been poor in the past - she and her dh had worked overseas for many (tax free!) years - she’d never been remotely short.

I've known quite a few people like this. One gentleman in particular who always "borrowed" a match to light his pipe rather than buy a box of matches. He owned a large house and we knew he had considerable savings. The accumulation of money becomes an addiction, on a par with hoarding. Once it gets a grip there is no turning back and it's not going to improve with age! My aunt was similar. She would sew by candlelight and never turn the heating on. She would eat cold sardines from the tin rather than put the cooker on. When she died her estate ran to £2 million. As I say, it is a form of addiction.

I agree it's akin to what flappergirl says - hoarding.
But hoarders tend to be a bit embarrassed and keep people away so that they can hide it - whereas when it's an obsession with accumulating money some people (not all) boast about it/see it as a 'talent' to brag about - and also even suggest /insist that others pay for things, leaving family/friends in an impossible situation - ie
a) either cut off most contact which doesn't feel at all the right thing with close family (and when it's clearly an 'illness' of sorts like with any other mental health issue - it's not as if they've hurt anyone in any obvious way)
OR b) fall out completely
OR c) keep dealing with the obsessive behaviour, visiting, listening, taking to GP appointments, trying to encourage involvement in other stuff, doing stuff to try to help (when it makes no difference) - which is all mentally exhausting, disheartening in the extreme - and a risk to one's own mental health and sanity in the end!

Oh she sounds like a friend of mine. Money is her god.
Same subject every week 🙄
I think it’s a type of OCD.

Thanks everyone for your stories of mean old relatives. I had a step-grandmother like that. Of course she left everything to her family, nothing to her step-children although all the money came from her husband, their father. My DM had persuaded her to let his son have his father's watch, but that was all.

Have you tried saying to the person

" Please stop talking about money all the time. I find it really difficult ".

You could offer an alternative;

"Lets listen to some music instead."

OP is from December 2023 !!!

This is the second thread that's turned out to be ancient today .Perhaps it's rehash Monday !

What sort of upbringing, background did this person have. Born just after the war when things were in short supply, possible a hard childhood and a constant worry about money. She may have had a better life through her own efforts and is living comfortably now, but the profligacy towards income and money of some may horrify her.
No solution because I doubt if the fear of poverty will ever leave her, but all you can do is humour her, until the time comes to use some of that money for care, which will eat a huge hole in her savings.

eazybee OP is 3 years old

May I make a suggestion, Use your phone or a tape to record the next time she is with you . Try to be fair and just talk as you normally would do, not especially trying to get her to moan more than usual. Then later when she has gone, listen to it yourself, so that you can confirm that she is way over the top about money all the time. Then preferably with another family member arrange for her to come and have a coffee with you, and when she is settled down, bring up her attitude to money, and then play the tape to her. This way she cannot deny her behaviour and attitude, and you can lay down some rules for the future. So at this age she is not going to change much, but you can take charge of the amount of time given over to it. So for instance , you might let her start talking about money , but then say I know you want to talk about this , so I dont mind, but once we have lunch/tea/coffee, we are going to walk round the garden and dont want to talk about this any longer. If she continues past the time you say, be polite but say that you must go now. If she protests and asks why you are going you say that if you are not going to talk about anything else or be interested in anyone else then there is no point to your staying. If you can encourage other family members to do the same, you wont change her views, I think that would be unlikely, but you will have at least provided yourself with a halt to such talking, and can leave early. Alternatively , you could try , every time she speaks about the bank or the money, you interrupt with your version in your own bank, so that you cap and stop her hogging the conversation about money as soon as she begins. If after a couple of visits you find she is not responding at all, then I suggest that once she begins to talk again about such things , you quietly collect your coat and begin to leave. If she asks why you are leaving, you say that you had already said that you would not stay if she went on about money again and so you were doing as you said you would.

At least that way, you are doing your best to keep some contact, but are not letting her drag you all down and make you miserable.

Good Luck

fancythat

Is the person actually worried about "lack of money"? Even though they have sqillions?

I think that’s “Bob on” I think many older people are a little obsessed about what would happen if they need residential care etc.

My DF wasn’t at all bother as he knew he had made good provision for my DM, but in the 6 years between his death and hers she was literally “obsessed” about running out of money, whilst also living a very good life in terms of how she furnished her home and her food (we literally encouraged her to spend her money to make herself as comfy as possible)

madeleine45

May I make a suggestion, Use your phone or a tape to record the next time she is with you . Try to be fair and just talk as you normally would do, not especially trying to get her to moan more than usual. Then later when she has gone, listen to it yourself, so that you can confirm that she is way over the top about money all the time. Then preferably with another family member arrange for her to come and have a coffee with you, and when she is settled down, bring up her attitude to money, and then play the tape to her. This way she cannot deny her behaviour and attitude, and you can lay down some rules for the future. So at this age she is not going to change much, but you can take charge of the amount of time given over to it. So for instance , you might let her start talking about money , but then say I know you want to talk about this , so I dont mind, but once we have lunch/tea/coffee, we are going to walk round the garden and dont want to talk about this any longer. If she continues past the time you say, be polite but say that you must go now. If she protests and asks why you are going you say that if you are not going to talk about anything else or be interested in anyone else then there is no point to your staying. If you can encourage other family members to do the same, you wont change her views, I think that would be unlikely, but you will have at least provided yourself with a halt to such talking, and can leave early. Alternatively , you could try , every time she speaks about the bank or the money, you interrupt with your version in your own bank, so that you cap and stop her hogging the conversation about money as soon as she begins. If after a couple of visits you find she is not responding at all, then I suggest that once she begins to talk again about such things , you quietly collect your coat and begin to leave. If she asks why you are leaving, you say that you had already said that you would not stay if she went on about money again and so you were doing as you said you would.

At least that way, you are doing your best to keep some contact, but are not letting her drag you all down and make you miserable.

Good Luck

I doubt very much if the OP has read your reply.
The post is 3 years old

Jaxjacky

OP is from December 2023 !!!

And they are still posting 🤦🏼‍♀️