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Legal, pensions and money

Obsession with Money

(29 Posts)
Birthto110 Sun 24-Dec-23 10:25:34

What to do if a key older relative in 80s (healthy and well) is obsessed (always has been) with talking incessantly only about money (costs, saving yet more money, price of things, electricity, gas, petrol, cleaning products, milk, the benefits of thriftiness etc).
To the exclusion of any other topic?
Despite being more than well-off, high income from pensions, having a well maintained home, cash savings to last ten lifetimes and nothing monetary to worry about. Meanwhile zero interest in world conflict, or their younger family members of different ages - who are all good and kind and sensible and try to be imaginative , - & with infinite patience !
Trying to be joyful around this is getting even harder.
We have also had a family tragedy but this is pretty much glossed over too.
They would not even spend a few pounds on an outing for social pleasure if there was a cost involved. wine
PS The emoji is meant to be a whine (a whine is allowed sometimes!) but will appear hopefully as a nice glass of wine instead !
Thank you for reading. Unfortunately it really is a serious problem getting family down, as we all thought it might get better one day. It's hard to believe one person can have this impact on everyone else.
We think people will refer to the loneliness issue- and yes this is sadly a problem - but in this instance it's sadly been created by the negative attitude. Other people /neighbours shy away eventually when they realise how tricky it can be. We visit regularly and do our best, always have done, go on outings etc - host birthdays nd so on - but it's having an impact on everyone and there are no real solutions. We try to encourage thinking about local charities and voluntary schemes etc but this doesn't work either.
A local church or community might be able to provide support but this has also been tried to no avail. This has always been a bit like this, so it's not age related and I rather suspect neuro-diversity maybe, although not sure if this is the right take on it either.

Witzend Mon 25-Dec-23 10:53:10

fancythat

Sounds like these people are downright scared.

I have to say, the only thing dh’s old aunt was ‘scared’ of, was of having to part with any of her money. And it wasn’t because she’d been poor in the past - she and her dh had worked overseas for many (tax free!) years - she’d never been remotely short.

flappergirl Mon 25-Dec-23 12:15:27

I've known quite a few people like this. One gentleman in particular who always "borrowed" a match to light his pipe rather than buy a box of matches. He owned a large house and we knew he had considerable savings. The accumulation of money becomes an addiction, on a par with hoarding. Once it gets a grip there is no turning back and it's not going to improve with age! My aunt was similar. She would sew by candlelight and never turn the heating on. She would eat cold sardines from the tin rather than put the cooker on. When she died her estate ran to £2 million. As I say, it is a form of addiction.

Birthto110 Mon 25-Dec-23 19:38:15

I agree it's akin to what flappergirl says - hoarding.
But hoarders tend to be a bit embarrassed and keep people away so that they can hide it - whereas when it's an obsession with accumulating money some people (not all) boast about it/see it as a 'talent' to brag about - and also even suggest /insist that others pay for things, leaving family/friends in an impossible situation - ie
a) either cut off most contact which doesn't feel at all the right thing with close family (and when it's clearly an 'illness' of sorts like with any other mental health issue - it's not as if they've hurt anyone in any obvious way)
OR b) fall out completely
OR c) keep dealing with the obsessive behaviour, visiting, listening, taking to GP appointments, trying to encourage involvement in other stuff, doing stuff to try to help (when it makes no difference) - which is all mentally exhausting, disheartening in the extreme - and a risk to one's own mental health and sanity in the end!