My wife and I live in the USA, are both 63, have 3 adult, independent children ranging from 31 to 35. Two are married, one is single and we have 3 grandchildren. All 3 adult kids are friends and the spouses get along great.
Our oldest child and husband, owns 2 homes, and rent one. Middle child just finished college and moved back home with us 2 weeks ago, to start his job search.
The youngest is our daughter, age 31. She and her husband are the topic of my post here. They have a 20 month old child and they lived 2 ½ hours away from us for over 5 years. She’s a full-time mom, so they are a one income family. They were approved to buy their first home last Fall near where they live.
But just as they were about to close on the home, the husband was laid off, so the mortgage approval fell through. After searching for a job for 6 months, he got a great job in the same town and me and my wife. The mortgage loan company told him that if he stays in that job a min of 6 mos, they will approve his loan again.
So, since the job is close to us, they moved in with us for the six months, paying no rent or expenses, so they can save for the downpayment for their next home purchase.
We love having them live with us and we get to see our grandson every day. But now, they are ready to find and buy a home.
They have been in our home for about 5 months and they recently started looking in this city for a home to buy but found the prices in our city higher and they can’t find a home that they can afford (not many 1 income families can afford to buy a home). They were very discouraged. They had rented for 5 years and decided they’d probably be stuck renting again. I very much want to help them make the step to become homeowners, especially since our daughter and husband are trying to make it in life as a one income family.
By the way, they are very frugal, industrious, hard-working and very careful with their money. That’s another reason that encourages us to help them.
So, like many of you, we felt so much empathy we want to help them financially. And we have the money to help, too.
So about a week ago, we offered $50,000 as a gift toward the purchase of a home (I have not told them but I am willing to give them more, up to $100K, if needed). The home price range they are looking at is about $400K. They are again looking for a home to buy. We have not given them any money, but are planning to make the gift directly to the home buyer at the time of purchase (or something like that, so the gift is applied to a home purchase).
We have the money now. Why wait until I’m dead (which I hope will be 30 years from now) to give it to them? Right? They need the help NOW.
The daughter (and family) in this story is the only child now who has any financial need.
I’m looking for advice:
My question and my concern is: if I give money to one child to buy a home I don’t want this gift to ever cause any rift between our children. I don’t think it will. But – as many of us have seen in life, money can and does ruin families. I’d hate for our generosity to ever cause bitterness and division.
Have any of you have been in a similar situation?
If we do give a gift of money to our daughter to help buy a house:
I don’t think we should keep it a secret in the family. That would never work. All siblings will eventually find out. So, maybe my wife and I should meet with all 3 kids, be very honest about what we are doing to help one child (and because they get along so well, they will be supportive). And, maybe I should tell them that I am willing to help them financially too, if that day comes and if they want help. My goal as a dad is to try to continue to treat them equally.
If you have been in this situation, what’s your advice? Am I smart? Or about to make a huge mistake?
Thank you in advance friends. 
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