Lending/gifting money to children

short comment - just say no!
you have yourself and your partner to think of.
and I think I'd be very tempted to rewrite my will!

I hope to downsize and move nearer to my DS and his family. I still have a mortgage and am struggling financially but with a smaller property and in a cheaper area I would be mortgage free and have significant savings so I would probably start giving some to them to avoid inheritance tax. However it would be my decision. If they asked for it, it would be a big fat NO!
I've lent both my kids money for cars in the past but it was always paid back. I was happy to help when I had the money to spare but it was always a loan. I intend to gift using the tax free allowances and if I'm able will be more generous with spending on them when we go out etc but only when I can afford it without putting myself in a precarious position!
It's essential that you don't risk your own financial security and I would hate to be put in your position. Don't feel pressured. They are not in real need, they just fancy a nicer lifesyyle at your expense! I'd be more than shocked, disappointed and sad!

Shocking. No!

When last updating my will, in a way my solicitor ‘gave me permission’ to keep my current savings pots in case of needing carers or care home fees in the (distant?!) future. I was wondering whether to pass another lump sum to my son to avoid inheritance tax, but she made me pause and think. The outcome was that knowing I had helped him hugely already, I put my possible future needs first. You and your DH can do the same.

In a word tell them where to go! Not a chance.....

Nellil23 - say no very emphatically. You are young yourselves and have many more years ahead of you where you may need care which is not cheap. This is what you have to think about. A care bill for just one person could be £6,000 a month - would your son-in-law want or be able to foot that bill for a few years if you sold your property now and gave him your assets? If the answer to this is No and it would surely be that, then you can't even contemplate it. So knock the idea on the head immediately and keep your daughter well in the loop.

I asked a financial planner recently about care home fees and making provision in assets. They said the standard recommendation was now £2,000 a week.

We won't have that kind of money... But for people who do, live-in care for my mother-in-law was around £1,200 a week, it was organised through an agency who took a weekly fee but the carer herself was paid directly.
My lovely mother-in-law was really fortunate that her deceased husband had made provision for her.

I don't know if this helps anyone - but do not be mortgaging your asset so young!

Please knock it on the head severely. Else they will try and grind you down. No excuses and reasons whatsoever. ' no ! Absolutely not ever. ŴÈ will not even discuss this !

What a cheek!

What absolute cheek!

I guess he does realise that your home is not her inheritance, with DH not being her parent.

You are far too young to even think about parting with your home. Tell him you could not afford this, and even if you could, any inheritance (if anything left) may well come in for HER retirement

No!

Ask them if in return they will make out a fully legal document to pay top up fees for you and DH when you need care since he wants that money now. To be taken out of their current assets at the time.

Even if they have to mortgage their house to do so.

My all time go-to phrase for refusing something is “I don’t think so”. It stands alone, and above the need for any explanation

I would have told him to duck off.
After my husband died 22 years ago both my children told me they didn't want any inheritance when I die. They didn't receive any from their dad. Because my husband was 47 and I was 45 the government gave me £2,000 towards his funeral but we knew he was dieing so had put aside the money for his funeral. So gave the children £1,000 each they didn't want it but I said save it towards a house in the future they were 20&16 .

Both couples rented and saved . Even though my son estranged me and our side of the family 6 years ago. I am proud both couples saved brought their own homes ,brought their own cars and paid for their own weddings with no financial help from me.

I did say to my daughter few years ago I would pay for just a cremation she said she wanted a funeral. I said I would pay for it now . She said no it was her responsibility when I die and was to spend what money I have on myself.

Had nothing but money worries since my husband died. Took me 35 years fighting to get disability benefits and I was born disabled .

I wasn't brought up with money so saved from an early age . Its how we had our first house .

The phrase I hate is the bank of mom and dad.

My brother and I was brought up to work and save for what we want . We brought our children up the same . My daughter's boys have piggy banks I brought them and know if they want something they have to save . They only have presents for birthdays and Christmas. I know the oldest gets bit of pocket money from his parents I didn't ask my daughter told me once I assume his brother does to. I do give them £5 when I have been on holiday but it has to go into their piggy bank to save . For birthdays and Christmas I set a budget how much I on spend on people I buy things for.

We worked and saved for what you want for us it gave us a sense of achievement that we did it on our own. Why do some children expect their parents to help? Don't they realise as we age we need what money we have to pay people to do things we can't do . I have a window cleaner ,gardener and cleaner who does things I can't do anymore. They are necessarities not luxuries.

When one of my daughters was starting a new career she needed a different car. She didn’t ask for help but I offered to lend her the money for the car by cashing in some Premium bonds. She repaid the loan monthly and it automatically paid for more Premium bonds every month.
This saved her from interest charges.
Some years ago I gave a similar amount to another daughter who was made redundant just before Christmas. She was in no position to pay it back and I didn’t expect to ever get repaid.
Different situations and different solutions.