Happiness

Hoping it's not too late to comment here (I'm a forum virgin) but the op and many of the following comments have resonated with me so much. My menopause was a bit odd as it had just started when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and the subsequent chemo/radiotherapy meant a sudden shut down hormone wise (I think). Now, 8 years later I feel so grateful to still be here and able to enjoy my 2 gorgeous grandchildren - but I do feel my top layer of happiness and the ability to really feel 'joy' has disappeared! However, all of the comments on here have really helped: in a practical way (am trying to walk daily) and also in knowing I'm not alone in this. So a huge thank you

Try taking vitamin D, I feel better since taking it. Having a dog is also a great incentive to go out for a walk and you meet lots of new people.
I could retire now but have to decideded to drop to 2 days a week instead, think its the fear of giving work up altogether as I do enjoy my job.(May regret it when summers here)

What a great thread this has been. Like so many of the other posters I too have suffered from these feelings but thought it was just the result of retirement and solitude coupled with health and family problems plus living on a tight budget. I'd never linked it to menopause but it certainly helps to know that this is a factor.

Walking and/or gardening help keep me on an even keel most days as of course does Gransnet.

Good luck and hugs to all.

Thanks paddyann, I think I may look at this - I have been so anti HRT and determined not to take anything for the menopause but several people have said this might help so I will arrange to see my GP in the next few weeks (abroad currently) to look at the whole issue.

HRT patches seem to work better for a lot of people than pills ,they certainly have for me

I dont know how long its been since your menopause but it may still be connected,my sister will be 68 next month and she has gone back on HRT (evorel conti) because of issues like this and others.Might be worth asking your GP for a referral to the menopause clinic to check it out ,even if they dont give you HRT they might have some solution to your problem.My sister said she felt she'd lost her emotions...rarely cried OR laughed ,sounds similar to what you are saying

Day 3 of walking at least 3 miles in the morning. I have enjoyed it - headphones on and listening to 60's / 70's music, clapping, playing 'air drums' and generally behaving like a loon because I am walking through fields where no-one can see me.
I lay in bed this morning and thought about all your comments on here - you are all wonderful to have taken the time to post - and tried to work out what I could take from the replies and what might work for me. I see a definite theme with regards to owning a dog - they seem to give a lot of you great happiness and I may one day get one but that is not possible at this time. The mindfulness suggestions are interesting - I have read both of the Ruby Wax books regarding this and found them excellent - I do practise this when I remember and have found it really useful in banishing negative thoughts, but not so much as a panacea for happiness generally?
I have decided that this morning I am going to de-clutter my house to see if that will lighten my mood. It will be tricky because my husband is paranoid about getting rid of anything - we have so much 'junk' that he holds onto for a variety of reasons (we can sell it/ we might need it / it seems a waste to get rid of it) so I am mentally girding my loins for the battle ahead. Wish me luck.

Grandma, thanks! I often talk to strangers in shops and do enjoy it a lot! Even just a few words brightens the day.

I have thought deeply about this thread and recall being 'happy' three times in my life. One, spending an afternoon in bed with a partner, two, after the birth of DS1 and three, being alone in my own home when last DS left home and choosing what do do for myself! None of these lasted more than a few days.

I am a very positive person on the surface, and feel better after exercise, walking, being with friends and family and all the usual stuff. I keep healthy and have a good diet have lots of interests and am not really 'depressive' but honestly and truly cannot remember being 'happy' except for those three occasions.

Yes I have had tough times but not as tough as some of you on here.

wot I know how you feel. My only answer is to get away from home and talk to strangers. I chat to supermarket checkout people, strangers in queues, bus passengers, people in doctor's waiting rooms and generally anybody near! I have always been quite shy so this takes some effort but usually you find out something about them and it gives you something else to think about apart from yourself.

If you can't get out of the house try internet chatlines and forums though I admit I only know of this one which has helped me a lot even though I don't always post.

I actually think that happiness, like love is greatly over rated. (shock, horror, controversial!!!)

I am in sympathy with you Loobs. Horrible to feel like that though and not know if you'll ever feel as you used to again. I've been caught up with my husband in looking after my parents who have had Alzheimer's this last five years. Dad died in January and mum is in a residential home but when they were living in the family home nearby we were over there constantly sorting out all sorts! It definitely changed me mentally. I am just in this 'grey light' all the time and can't seem to shake it off. However walking is a real help and it does change my mental state so that if I've gone out feeling grim I always come home feeling better even if it's just a half hour walk. Sex - what is that? Memory is poor and I feel I can't switch on properly. I have two children both in they thirties and two grandsons. They are a joy and a big distraction when they come to stay but as soon as life is 'normal' the cloud descends. I take anti depressants and have done for a long time but recent events with mum and dad have made life too sad really. But, I think you have to do the best for yourself. Look after yourself as well you can. So best foot forward! Mindfulness helps and when I am self disciplined enough, meditation!! Oh, and don't think about D Trump, that helps too

wot

ps Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a way to adapt Kim 19 idea so we gransnetters could befriend those of us that are unable to get out for the occasional chat/visit.

for you wot I don't know your circumstances so can't really offer any advice. Walking and getting out and about is great advice if your physically able but that's not always the case for some. It must be miserable if your housebound. It's one of my fears and I realise it could happen to any of us almost in a blink of an eye. That's what keeps my pecker up a bit, knowing that we have to make the best of what we've got now. My DiL has been an inspiration to me during her illness. She's taught me to be grateful and live in the moment. Not easy for a anxiety ridden pessimist like me but I keep trying.

My mood is low 90 o/of the time and I get so lonely I could jump off an cliff.

I feel exactly the same since I had my womb removed when I was fifty one. .I am now 68 and still get problems. sometimes my mood is low and I don't know why .I do not want to take even more tablets. .I find I feel better if I go out even if it is just for a hour or so .I also find I feel better if I have company and i am not on my own all the time.I wish you all the best.

"Worry just pulls tomorrow's clouds over today's sunshine" Love this Heather. I must pass it on to some of the extreme worriers I know.

Only just catching up with this thread and reassured that so many of us feel the same way. I never linked it with the menopause (seems light years away now) but to a glass half-empty outlook that has plagued me since my dear departed Dad imbued me with negativity from an early age. I also link it to retirement and a lack of a specific raison d'etre and to the ongoing anxiety of being alongside my Mum, as she slips into her 93rd year with attendant mental decline. Then I remember that happiness is not a right - I rather think it is a fleeting emotion and I experience it from time to time - mostly when with our adorable GS. Mindfulness helps to remind me to live in the moment - "worry just pulls tomorrow's clouds over today's sunshine". "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain" and then "Happiness is not getting what you want, it's wanting what you have". There is some sound advice in all these sayings and whilst I don't go around feeling on top on the world very often, I do remind myself how lucky I am to be alive and healthy and to have all that I do. I think I'll try the Ad-Cal supplements mentioned - my Mum has them, so why shouldn't I?? With regard to meeting up with other Gransnetters - there are local groups and I notice GN is advertising for local editors .....

I've read this thread with interest and totally agree with the "feeling 90%" as I get older, though I've not linked it with being post menopausal before. Like most here, I appreciate the every day things like a sunny day or spring flowers and try to exercise daily, but the joy and highs I used to get seem to have gone.
My current positive is that, as two sons have just left home, it's great to cook just for me and not clear up after anyone else.

Just been to a meet up in Edinburgh and met some lovely women. As long as you aren't obsessive about your anonymity, it is a great idea. Putting faces to names makes GN communication more meaningful.

Re postmenopausal feelings, it is a mixed bag for me. Since the menopause I have felt more comfortable in my own skin and not so concerned about what people think about me. No more periods has meant feeling less up and down in mood. I like the feeling of being on an even keel emotionally. The down side is the increasing slow down of the body, aches and pains and bits falling apart. But being a 'cancer survivor' very small things make me feel good and I am generally grateful to be still alive with a good husband, caring children, lovely grandchildren and of course my beloved dog. Not everyone is so fortunate, I know.

I find making a list of things to do and doing them keeps me from sitting and brooding about the woes of life. And so agree about getting out and walking if you can. Here are some to lift the spirits of those feeling a bit down at the moment.

The Gransnet meetups in Edinburgh are great sessions. Lots of chat. Definitely a good thing.

Kim you are certainly not an idiot. It's an idea with great potential. X

May I now fully and unreservedly withdraw that suggestion for meet-ups. The more I think of the negatives, the more I realise my brain was not fully in gear. Sorry people........ I'm now feeling like an idiot and deservedly so.

I too seem to have lack of joy as my default setting. I have a lot to be grateful for and I do try, but so many bad things have happened I sometimes feel that there is more bad in life than good. It's very hard at times although I do agree that 'getting out there' is of help.

I do believe there could be a way of meeting up for some of us and retaining our anonymity. How about something like be at ???????? somewhere very central in various big cities. If a few turn up - great; if none sobeit. Thinking caps please you innovative members........ This is my initial and rough thought. Work on it, improve and refine it you clever grans whom I know are part of this group. I await ideas with gusto.

What a wonderful positive post ! Thanks to everyone for your input, I now am able to articulate what Ive been feeling the past ten years or more, the " underlying depression" and the anxiety, but the upwards and onwards that I strive for day and daily really does help. Its a work in progress, but I know cliched as it sounds, I do try and get out and about and embrace nature plus I really am thankful for so much in my life. Ive struggled with various family problems, doesnt everyone? , and now I love " the mundane days" My mood def improves as the spring approaches and gives way to summer and the lovely bright mornings helps enormously. I try to factor in something each day, no matter how insignificant , that brings me joy. Today its going to the garden centre, where I hope to purchase some plants for the garden and have a coffee whilst Im there. I endorse what the other lady said about wouldnt it be great if we could all meet round the table for a natter LOL