Tia

Alison; I've often wondered about that. The police obviously realise pretty quickly when they have a potential murder enquiry on their hands.

And, yes, I question all these candles and flowers. I know it all started with Diana, but we did all, somehow, feel that we knew her [to me she was the patron saint of dysfunctional women everywhere and I loved her for it]. I somehow feel that a lot of these people get some sort of pleasure out of involving themselves in, what is or should be a private grief. Is it bad of me to think that?

I agree with your sentiments there, crimson. It's as if they want to soak up the drama of the awful thing that's happened. Years ago I went to a funeral I shouldn't have gone to. It was the funeral of a child that I didn't know and I barely knew the mother. In a way, I think my friend and I went there as a way of supporting the grandmother with whom we worked, but I know (now) I had no right to be there. It wasn't my grief, and my being there did nothing to support the family at all. I still feel quite ashamed of myself for going.

Not at all crimson. We all express emotions in a variety of ways. I do not favour the flowers/soft toys/candles tributes, but can understand why many people feel better for making a public display of their personal grief. I have made it crystal clear to my family, that I wish to go out with a sigh. No big show. No flowers. No mournful attire. Cheapest/simplest coffin on the market. Straightforward cremation, apart from any body parts that may enhance another's life, followed by a gathering of those I've loved on the beach across the road. Scattering of ashes into the sea. Raise a glass of cheer and sing 'Westering Home....'

Crimson think you are right about all the flowers and paraphernalia staring with Diana, just remember seeing loads of flowers and teddy bears set out for a shrine for Baby P. One of the most upsetting cases over the past few years, I don't know why people feel they have to set up these shrines. The baby died alone in a filthy cot in immense pain and I doubt whether any of these people knew him. It would be better to send the money spent on flowers, soft toys and the like to the NSPCC

I also dislike all the tributes to someone they do not know and have made it very clear to my family that, if I die in a road accident, they are not to let anyone leave anything at the scene as I would think it tacky. They can have as many flowers as they like at my funeral as I have always loved it when someone brings me flowers. No sombre attire and everyone who comes to my funeral must wear something red and then party and say how wonderful I was before getting on with their lives.

Does anyone else think that the 'neighbours' interviewed by the media and who didn't know the person often seem to be falsely upset?

I think people just want to show solidarity and sympathy to the family who have lost a child in awful circumstances and putting all those flowers toys etc; down show that. People feel helpless in these circumstances and this is how they show their feelings.

AlisonMA, I do agree with you I just think some people thrive on drama and want to turn everything into a giant sob fest. I feel those who have been directly affected by this tragedy should be left to grieve in peace, it's not a reality show.

I agree about the neighbours, Alison. Quite often all they can say about the deceased or the family members is that they 'used to see them out and about' or 'she kept herself to herself but she seemed a lovely lady'. I think the interviewers are sometimes just desperate to speak to anyone, however remotely connected.

baNANA I do agree about the public, high profile shrines..It feels to me as if it is somehow more about the people who go rather than the person who has lost their life. Many people go and leave flowers etc I thought the Diana response was quite odd.

It would be better to donate to a charity , e.g NSPCC, when a child is murdered and then to grieve privately. I can understand close friends and relatives wanting to visit a place of death but there are often 'band wagon' mourners too who have no real connection with the deceased person at all. Such as seen with the mass of flowers when Diana died. Most of those who laid flowers only new her media persona, not her at all. I personally feel that is less, rather than more, respectful.

I wonder if it's some sort of extension of the strange storylines they put in soaps these days. Years ago I used to watch Coronation Street and it contained gentle storylines about everyday folk. Now they all seem to be about horrific accidents and murders. I gave up watching anything like that a long time ago [although it might have all started with a body under the patio storyline in Brookside, which I did think was a good soap in it's day].

baNANA Baby Peter's tragic short life broke my heart. The scores of floral tributes and cuddly toys left in his memory could have done far more good as donations to the NSPCC.

I too dislike the shrines and so on, it seems ironic and illogical that as society becomes more secular, people feel the need to indulge in these pseudo religious practices.
However alison, I don't think the neighbours' distress is necessarily false, just because they didn't know Tia personally. A violent death is shocking in any circumstances and to have it happen on your own doorstep literally unbelievable.
When I was at school, a woman was murdered in some woods nearby and this haunted me for a long time afterwards. I remember also being terribly upset by the Moors murders - my friends and I used to go hiking not far from where the children were buried.

It's the groups of sobbing teenagers clutching each other and all but rending their garments with grief that bemuse me. They may have attended the same school as the victim, but couldn't all have known her/him personally. I doubt whether some of them ever knew who they were when they were alive.

There are definitely some teenagers who love sobbing, hugging and attaching cliche ridden notes, written in round baby writing with sentiments such as "never forget you babe" and "heaven must have needed another angel". Thing is they do forget and can move on but the parents never can.

Worst type of message has to be "fallen soldjah" or something like that not for an actual soldier but usually fatally stabbed black gang member, I don't think some kids realise the enormity of a young person meeting their end in this horrible way.

I never quite understood the "Diana thing " !

Nor me Nonu I found it embarrassing.

The grief over Diana was without precedent; what I felt was being felt by people all over the country at the same time..people weren't copying each other. There was the frightening aspect of the fact that, if it could happen to someone like her it could happen to anyone. And I'd never thanked her; I meant to thank her for what she did about landmines;also to tell her how I understood what it was like to be in an unhappy marriage and have issues about weight and public image. How she went out and touched people, mentally and physically [touching the kings evil; she reinvented it]. I respected the way she was raising her boys [didn't she do well]. The Monarchy needed to people to tell them how to go about things [indeed, how to save themselves; it worked]. And the pain of being a mother of a son the same age as William and understanding what he had lost. It's a week that will be etched in my memory forever.

Well said, crimson. You have summed up the ways in which she touched so many people's lives.

Soop you have the same funeral plans as me. Except I want Orinoco flow.

I'm afraid I still don't understand it. She did good works, but was in a position to do so, and I can't believe Charles was the only one at fault in that marriage. It was sad that she died so young, leaving her sons motherless, but that's all. I can't feel it was the huge tragedy that the world's media made it out to be at the time.

Agree , she wasn"t totally blameless

I think the facebook/twitter generation are so used to putting their feelings out in public, and then competing with each other, eg. "mine's better than yours" "No,it isn't, and here's a photo to prove it", that they feel they have to be seen to make a statement when someone dies in tragic circumstances.

anagram well said.