Granny leave, sandwich generation, work...

Good to see you back, Chadsky and to know that things are going well now. Your efforts to have your litte grandchild with you had us on tenterhooks!

Wonderful to hear chadsky that all has turned out well. (and too - but may be more beneficial!).

Hi ARIADNE - yes it was an awful time - but I so remember the support I had of Gransnetters . without being able to sound off here I don't know how I would have coped - we have had her a year now, and are having a small celebration this weekend - this is why I always say, never ever give up .

Hello, Chadsky! Lovely to hear about your granddaughter - I remember all your troubles very clearly. I can imagine how tiring it is, but how rewarding too!

I know that feeling GILLYBOB- I never expected to be looking after a three year old granddaughter - after a two year fight we finally got her , under a special Guardianship order - I would not have it any other way, the alternative was unthinkable ( adoption) as far as I was concerned - I was very lucky with my work, as they allowed me adoption leave- in a roundabout way - but both my husband and I realise - we are the grandparents - and there is no one to baby sit for us - and at times I am tired - and the prospect for retirement seems a long way away if ever, I am 60 next year - as now there is her education to think of etc - clothing but I have to say - her little voice saying I LOVE YOU Nana makes it all worth while.

(And Gillybob - you are phenomenal!)

Is it just our generation that's suffering from the 'sandwich' phenominum? Like most of our friends we didn't earn enough to afford child care and our mother's certainly wouldn't have volunteered. Our mothers were expected to leave work when they became pregnant and stay at home to raise us (my mother in law was of the generation who had to leave work when she married). Mothers stayed home, raised their children - and looked after the elderly - while daddies went to work. No sandwich.

Sorry nightowl perhaps it just missed a generation in my case??

Oh well bang goes that theory then

My mum hardly ever looked after my children. On the very rare occasion that she did it always seemed begrudged so I very rarely asked her which was a shame as being such a young mum I really did miss out on going out with friends and had no social life whatsoever. Her and my dad were very wrapped up in each other and I think they probably saw their grandchildren as something that would spoil their exclusive time together. My grandma on the other hand was very hands on and as a child I spent as much time as I could with both her and my grandad. I now try to spend a lot of time with her as a kind of thank you, pay back for all the happy times she gave me.

I wonder if it's a reflection of our own experiences? My mum looked after my children, even travelling 40 miles by train twice a week to look after them while I worked until she was in her seventies. She did it until she could physically do it no longer and sadly died at the age of only 76. Maybe that's why I have never had any doubts that I wanted to be a granny just like her.

I don't live near mine and our parents live a fair distance from us. I would like to live closer - but not too close, if you see what I mean. Sel, if you're a bad granny, so am I, but if I was that bad, I don't think I'd have been invited to spend a caravan holiday with one of the families - and not for the purpose of child minding either!

I just can't decide whether I would be happy looking after mine on a regular basis or not.I enjoy "me" time, but then again, they do cheer me up a lot. It doesn't arise, through distance though.

G S1 has just been given his first mobile phone, so at lease we can text now.

Ariadne that sounds perfect. I was beginning to feel like a bad granny

DDsiL to be correct. Pedant alert!

My own feelings exactly, Sel and my DD and DDiLs agree. But then we have never lived near any of them while the children were / are small. We are very happy to drive up to Hampshire or Gloucestershire to babysit, though.

We now live very near to DD, but her children are 17 and 15, so calls on us usually involve lifts etc. but I have done both children's Parents' Evenings, as my DD teaches in the same school, and DSiL says "At least you know what they're talking about." and if she has a meeting, then they pop round here, and we take them home after a bit of spoiling.

Gillybob totally agree with Nightowl above. Goodness know how you do all that you do. You're a pillar of strength in your family and they are very lucky.

A big difference for me is geographic, my two grandchildren are a three hour drive away so any day to day commitment would be impossible. It was the same for me when my children were small, I had to make arrangements outside the family as none were nearby.

There just seems to be a growing assumption that having brought up one's own children grandparents then should happily continue in that role for their children. Personally I don't wish for that but if circumstances dictated it was unavoidable then I would do it.

I think we are all in awe of quite how much you manage to do gilly. I know you feel you have no choice but it's obvious that you do it all with love, and those you love must feel that

Hats off to you, Gillybob, you're doing a great job!

Having had my own 2 children very young (18 and 23) I did think that by the time I reached my 50's I would have all the time in the world to do whatever I liked and still be young enough to enjoy it. But things sometimes don't quite turn out the way we expect do they? I can honestly say I didn't expect to have three grandchildren, I didn't expect my mum (who is only 71) to be so ill, I didn't expect my grandma to be still here!

As both J08 and nightowl have said, in no way do I see looking after my grandchildren as a burden, quite the opposite. I do sometimes feel very tied by my situation but certainly not burdened by it.

I give up out not put! Must get some new contact lenses.

I meant to say 'don't want to be put in the world' not 'out in the work'. Must have been a Freudian slip - I am still very much in work and thought I quite enjoyed my job! I guess my typo suggests otherwise

I appreciate that nightowl and also appreciate that for some it is an ecomonic decision. I'm enjoying 'me' time - awful expression I know because I can and I feel thankful for that. I know many truly enjoy spending time looking after grandchildren, guess I just feel I've done my time

Why do you think that Sel? I think we have had these kinds of discussions many times and it's always been clear that there is a wide range of views about this, as you'd expect from a wide range of people . As j08 said, looking after the grandchildren is probably the nicest kind of burden when compared to looking after elderly relatives. It doesn't mean everyone wants to do it though. Speaking for myself, I could turn your statement round: 'I don't want to be out in the work when my grandchildren beckon'. Some people will see that as a bit sad, and evidence that I don't have much of a life (they're probably right). But that's the point, we're all different

I married a man with a 5 year old..I was 25 then had two children myself, a third 7years on so I feel my adult life was juggling childcare with tge demands of a business. I worked throughout. Right now, youngest child is in her own home and all are independant. This is the first time for many years that I can do exactly what I choose. I never expected my mum to look after my children and I have no intention of signing up to look after my grandchildren. As and when is no problem but there are many things I want to do and looking after children each and every weekis not one of them.

I know many people do get enormous pleasure looking after their grandchildren it's not my choice now when the world beckons.

My children are absolutely fine with my attitude. I doubt gransnet will be