Sleeping wth children

Sil is 6'3" and sleeps diagonally!
Actually I used to do that! DH complained I had 1/2 the bed. I pointed out I was entitled to that.
He said'yes, but not diagonally!'

Petallus lighten up.

I think it's wrong. Not lurking, just busy.

Oh alright then!

I feel I should ask GNHQ to change my identity to lurkingwoodworm now.

Actually Bags when I was a child a neighbouring Italian family was the talk of the neighbourhood for a few years because the youngest boy refused to leave his mother's bed. When he was fourteen his older brothers finally lost patience and beat him up: the police were called. He was only a couple of years older than me and I've never forgotten the 'yuck' feeling I used to get when I saw him. There was no indication that anything untoward was going on, but his poor mother was tormented by him and he regularly used to boast about sleeping in her bed.

See.

My issue with this is that at his age I feel his mum should be actively encouraging him to be independent.
If he is afraid of going to sleep alone then she needs to show him it's not scary by getting him used to doing it in a way that reduces his fear. To go along with his "fears" is send a message to him that it is scary. Over protection is damaging and makes a child more fearful.

The only way of facing these issues is to expose the child to such fears in a sensitive way to show them it not. Like dealing with "monsters in the wardrobe" by hunting the wardrobe for them and discovering they are not there or shouting them out.

I had to do something like this by taking my three yr old DD around a lawn mower shop showing her all the pretty lawn mowers that were not really frightening. She had been refusing to venture into the garden one summer.

I think we grandparents with our experience should be able to take long view. When I hear of little boys liking to be in bed with Mummy I say

Well he'll not be in her bed at 16

We who grew up in the 40s and 50s shared beds, and I often slept with my mother or my brother. We slept with cousins who were visiting and there is nothing nicer than sharing a bed when there is storm blowing outside.
Its natural after all.

Well said Margaret. As an only child I sometimes hated my lonely bed and I loved nothing more than snuggling in between mum and dad. Better still was when relatives stayed when all manner of arrangements went on. Sharing with cousins was good but a high point was when there were five of us in a double bed - mum and her two sisters at the top, and me and my cousin at the bottom, fighting for space amongst the smelly feet

One example, ga, does show that my general supposition was wrong, but not that the supposition is wrong generally. That fourteen year old will have been very unusual and possibly problematic in other ways. In fact your mention of him "tormenting" his mother rather suggests that. I presume the problem was solved after the police involvement? I hope so.

I like your story of confronting fears, nelliem. I had to take that approach when Minibags decided to be terrified of woodlice.

Thatbags Our story went something like; "Lawn mowers get hungry and when they eat the grass they are saying the lawn mower equivalent of yum yum!" The lies we tell our children!

Nellie I liked your story. Hey Jingle - I'm not censorious about the co sleeping story, but my view is it's better for all involved if children are encouraged to enjoy getting into their own bed. It's those essential bedtime routines, bath/wash, teeth cleaned, into bed for a story. One of ours had us checking her built in cupboards for monsters every night, it just became part of the increasingly long bedtime routine. (with that child anyway - she's nearly 30 now, and still has a vivid imagination and affectionate nature, thankfully)

I just don't think she is putting the child first anymore. She's doing it for her.

I agree with you jingle.

I think Lona has it spot on - emergencies when a small child is sick makes sense. Every night does not.

If the little boy is so frightened then move his bed into the parental bedroom as a start to getting him to sleep on his own....it may need to be a gradual process to 'wean'.

Maybe I'm the only one who wanted to share my bed with my husband rather than my child? Other than good morning cuddles for all of us, which were lovely, of course!

Definitely nothing wrong with them coming in for a cuddle in the mornings. Or if they have a night or two of feeling frightened or poorly. Not a regular, accepted thing though.

By the way, can I just say, there is nothing at all wrong with being a "lurker". It's just a silly internet word for people who enjoy reading threads but choose not to post. Sounds horrible when you first hear it, but it isn't meant to be.

The first time he has someone for a sleepover, he will decamp I am sure.