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Is this the way to deal with loneliness as you get older?

(63 Posts)
minimo Sun 18-Sep-16 15:52:20

Three friends bought a house together and live communally. I think this is a fantastic idea in principle. Terribly risky though. What if you fall out with each other? Although also what if you have more fun and companionship than you thought possible at this stage of life.
Would you consider it?

gettingonabit Sun 18-Sep-16 15:55:42

I love the idea. I'd definitely do it. It would take a good bit of thought to ensure the property is "right", but a great way to deal with loneliness/vulnerability.

MargaretX Sun 18-Sep-16 15:56:11

I haven't got three friends I could live with.

rosesarered Sun 18-Sep-16 15:57:35

No, not for me, I couldn't live with friends ( would drive me mad!) much as I value them
In everyday life.Also, what happens to your share of the property when you die?

Irma Sun 18-Sep-16 16:00:37

I haven't got 3 friends I could live with either MargaretX

tanith Sun 18-Sep-16 16:13:43

I don't have 3 friends I would want to live with lovely as friends but live with them NO!

PRINTMISS Sun 18-Sep-16 16:39:40

Me too, couldn't stand living with any of my few remaining friends, great to have them around though.

BlueBelle Sun 18-Sep-16 16:44:17

I m with you guys nice idea but can only think of one friend I could live with and even then you just don't know maybe we are such good friends just because we don't live in each other's pockets No I ll stay on my own ta

Liz46 Sun 18-Sep-16 16:59:25

Well done to the three ladies. I don't think I would like it unless I had my own lounge as well as en-suite.
I can see a rota to cook etc. would be good but it would be too easy to fall out. Probably not for me either.

Pollengran Sun 18-Sep-16 17:11:00

The Golden Girls made it look like a lot of fun smile.

I think it could work if it was a really big house with friends who knew each other very well indeed.

For many people it wouldn't, because they like their privacy. You only have to look at the empty, but well meaning communal lounges in retirement complexes to know that.

Personally, I couldn't do it.

Jane10 Sun 18-Sep-16 17:26:24

Abbeyfield homes used to provide this sort of thing. Only a few residents each with their own bedrooms/sitting rooms but communal space too. Staff could help out as required and the costs shared. Don't know if they're still on the go. I used to know a lady who lived in one. Snag being they had to be big houses and as time went on the site became more valuable to demolish the house and stick up lots of little boxes. I don't know about the financial aspects. Always struck me as a good idea.

Christinefrance Sun 18-Sep-16 17:33:50

I can see where it could be successful for very social people. I think you would have to know each other well and have certain ground rules. Not for me though, think I have become less sociable the older I get.

kittylester Sun 18-Sep-16 17:38:29

There are a couple of Abbeyfields round here like that Jane. I can't think of three friends I would like to live with either - much as I love them.

Galen Sun 18-Sep-16 17:57:49

Her next door's is a deputy manager in an Abbeyfield home.
She complains that they are getting 'conned' by social services into taking unsuitable people e.g. Senile dementia sufferers who need a lot of help. The problem is that the residents are supposed to be self caring.
Abbeyfield are residential not care homes.

Falconbird Sun 18-Sep-16 18:10:18

I've got 3 very good friends but live with them - definitely not.

Charleygirl Sun 18-Sep-16 18:27:44

I have one very good friend who does not live remotely near me (thank goodness) but she wants to know all of my business, financial and social, there is no way I could live with her. She would be wanting to know where I was going each time I went outside the front door. A good idea in theory for some.

TerriBull Sun 18-Sep-16 18:40:38

As much as I like my 3 best friends, I really wouldn't want to live with them, a couple of us did share a hotel room many years ago, but that's it.I couldn't live with anyone other than my husband, we have adapted to each others idiosyncracies, not too many, over the years and I just wouldn't want to compromise with anyone else now. I really know how I like things done, I'm less adaptable now.

Falconbird Sun 18-Sep-16 19:48:48

I want to stay in my nice flat until Social Services take me away. I wouldn't mind an Elderly People's Home too much as you have your own room, loo and wash hand basin. Mum was in a Home for 5 years and felt safe there.

My dh and I were so emotionally entwined that now he's passed away I don't feel the need to travel alone very much.

I have learnt to live on my own and sometimes like it that way.

Jane10 Sun 18-Sep-16 19:56:55

I'd rather not wait for a crisis to occur before social services step in and it would have to be a crisis before they did.

Falconbird Sun 18-Sep-16 21:47:30

I think you are right Jane10. I had to do a lot of hard work, liaising with the GP and Health Visitor before anything was done to help my mother.

I guess I'm quite worried about my future in that respect but hope one of my sons will act on my behalf.

Falconbird Sun 18-Sep-16 21:50:16

Sorry it wasn't a Health Visitor it was an excellent District Nurse.

ginny Sun 18-Sep-16 22:51:32

No thank you. I have lived with DH for 40 years and I am still struggling with training him to my ways. Certainly don't want to start with anyone else. :-)

Anniebach Mon 19-Sep-16 09:27:08

No way, have lived on my own for just over twenty years

nigglynellie Mon 19-Sep-16 10:02:40

Oh no, I don't think so!!! I've got lots of lovely friends, but none that I would actually want to live with, ditto the other way round I daresay!!!! Being an only child would stand me in good stead, plus a lovely son and dil, who I know would do what they could to help which ever one of us it was, on all fronts, when inevitably two turns into one.

cornergran Mon 19-Sep-16 10:04:44

There is one friend who has suggested this to me, should Mr C predecease me (fortunately very fit and healthy right now!) if anyone can think of a way to say 'no' without offending her then please share it, I just couldn't contemplate it.