Playing with fire

Trisher where did you get your facts that excluded children are the ones who are smacked ?

Sill no answer from Maryeliza about her superior parenting techniques. l am beginning to think she is a fraud who actually has no answers.

cherry

childhood psychology is better understood now than when our children were small. The mums understand this.

Parents quarrelling in front of children should be outlawed, as should shouting at children. If anything was/is more damaging it's this ! Using a mobile phone while in the care of children, unless it's an emergency, should also be banned. Children are there for your pleasure not to either listen to parents fighting nor someone on a phone ignoring them.

trisher

But you can’t generalise for a whole population because a small minority of parents are violent abusers. Those parents should face the full force of the law and i have dealt with child abuse cases during my working life.

smacking is never necessary

Whitewatermark

I agree but it happens and the odd smack is unlikely to cause long term physical emotional or psychological harm to an otherwise cherished loved and cared for child.

I am not suggesting either/or

I am saying that a parent who is a vehement anti smacker May or may not be a great parent either.

There are 4 main types of abuse as I am sure you know

Physical, emotional sexual and neglect.

One snack on the bum occasionally done by a parent (who probably immediately feels far worse then the child) is by no means as bad as the above list.

I had 4 children and I smacked the older boys occasionally. Not proud of it but neither am I going to beat myself up.

All my kids are fabulous adults.

Whitewave I completely agree with you.
And if this (I believe) was posted on Mumsnet the
pro-smackers would be given short shrift and quite rightly so.

IMHO children of the present generation are no more naughty or rude than any child from previous generations.

Children are children!

They are Myhatisahacker along with many other children who can't cope with the pressures of school. A lot of these children are smacked and hit at home
The number of children permanently excluded from state primary, secondary and special schools in England increased by about 1,000 between 2016 and 2017, according to the Department for Education (DfE) figures.

Secondary schools accounted for more than four out of every five permanent or temporary exclusions, according to the figures, with “permanent disruptive behaviour” accounting for the bulk of the increase in both types of exclusions.

The total of 7,700 equates to more than 40 permanent exclusions a day during the 2016-17 school year, compared with a little over 35 a day the previous year.

By the way I only posted how to bring up your child without smacking because people kept asking about how it can be done.

mycat one last time

Smacking is never necessary.

Emotional abuse is a disgrace, but you simply cant suggest either/or.

Why private schools??

Myself and dh attended junior/infant and grammar schools and were both smacked.

It wasn’t a private school phenomenon.

And I am very glad it’s outlawed in schools but it should work both ways. Any child hitting a teacher should be out.

WhitewaveMark2

One last time noone is advocating smacking as a good or an ongoing go to tool to parent! Ok no one.

But many parents have given their child the odd smack and said child has not entered s life of either crime or counselling because of it.

As I said upthread I witnessed much emotional abuse and in my view neglect of her kids from my neighbour who was also vehemently anti smacking.

The odd smack does not a terrible parent make or the anti smacker Bloody Mary poppins.

perspective and commen sense is all.

I refused to allow such “corporal punishment”

Those of our children that attended private schools knew that we had signed the corporal punishment consent forms, we discussed it with them. They behaved as expected so never encountered the "dreaded cane".

Believe me I’m not smug. But extremely concerned that anyone thinks it acceptable to smack a child.

It is wrong from which ever angle you look at it.

I think that the point is that it is clearly possible to bring up children without inflicting the slightest tap or slap.

Given the choice, it must be the better option.

What concerns me is when do you start slapping a child? Birth? 6 months? 1 year? 2 years?

Toddlers are so vulnerable - I can’t believe that as a child’s mother anyone would even remotely think a tap or slap would produce the required behaviour. So if you have a child that is generally well behaved and she suddenly decides to put her fingers into say a plug, you have to ask yourself first, how is she able to do that? The situation should never arise.
If you have a child that is difficult, and badly behaved, I think you have to look at your parenting. The point is slapping does nothing except prevent immediate behaviour that the parents were at fault for in the first place. It won’t prevent future behaviour.

It is muddled thinking to think it would

I had no cause to smack either the GC or GGC simply because it wasn't me who was/is looking after them.

If these smug " non-smackers " were to go inside the home of my 7 GGC with a mother who believes in " sparing the rod and spoiling the child ", they'd all run out screaming ! I wonder what their thoughts would be then ?

Then how come many of us have brought up our children successfully have never used physical punishment?

My dad, who brought myself and my brother up (unusual in the 50s/60s) was very soft, but, if I was really naughty, then I got a smack on the back of the legs and sent to my bedroom. I did the same with my two daughters. None of us came to any harm, either physically or mentally. I think the "no smacking brigade" are there because they think it may open the door to parents beating their children. It's about adults behaving in an adult way and controlling their anger? Actually, thinking back to my Secondary School, the lessons that everyone (even the really naughty kids) behaved themselves in all thee time were the ones where we all knew that the teacher was not adverse to use the cane!

oy tricher

Do you really think your list hasn’t tried by everyone on here!!!??? Of course we all know the best way to deal with behaviour. It’s not rocket science and you are not some superior child care guru educating the masses and us stupid abusing child smacking monsters.

For goodness sake stop making an arse of yourself.

The odd smack is fine. Nor great parenting but not dreadful.

Good grief the patronising and nonsense on here is laughable

Do you know what it’s bloody sad that a collection of women who claim to be mothers cannot actually differentiate and understand the difference between a odd smack and outright emotional and physical abuse.

It’s pathetic it really is. ‘Maryeliza* what a sneery superior comment about emotional intelligence.

I like every poster on here adored my children and adore my grandchildren and you know what they adore us back.

No I wouldn’t smack a grandchild because I only see them weekly and of course the ongoing stress and parenting isn’t mine.

if one of my kids did smack one of their kids I would listen to them, sympathise and understand. It’s obviously a one off!!!

You know why because they are completely normal but Like all of us fallable.

Some on here need to really look in the mirror and stop being so bloody smug.

Mind you in my experience what smug people say outside is very different to what happens in the privacy of their own homes.

Nothing guaranteed to make a crap parent feel superior is to bitch about other parents parenting.

Oh I'm real EllanVannin I don't exist in a world where you can say to someone "it's OK just smack your child gently when they are in danger", because I know quite well that the only words some people will hear from that are "IT'S OK JUST SMACK YOUR CHILD" and will do so. I have worked with children who were smacked regularly and who thought the only solution to anything was to get your blow in first before the other person did. If that is the sort of world you want to live in that's fine. But then why not go back to when there was real discipline, when men took their belts to their wives and children if either of them stepped out of line. After all if the youngest and weakest don't deserve the protection of the law why does anyone else?

Cherrytree, unfortunately many teachers cannot control a class of 30 children an many have been physically assaulted themselves by their pupils. My grandson was a trainee teacher and so was my daughter, just for a few months, and in that short time they decided they definitely did not want to teach. How were those children disciplined at home?

Maryeliza, you still have not explained to us dimbos exactly what your method of training is. Do it please!!

I smacked my children when I was at the end of my tether, and never before they were about 5 years old. I don't think I was right to do it, and am certainly not proud of it. I see it as my failure. I could mainly discipline them with a look.

None of my daughters smack their children, I just don't think it would occur to them, any more than it would occur to them to smack another adult. Their children are all well behaved.

Proud of smacking ? Get real Trisher ! Typical of the do-gooders of this world who do more harm than good----of which I have proof !