Playing with fire

I can sympathise - but not excuse parents who give a smack to a child when they reach the end of their tether, but there is no excuse for parents who discipline their children with slippers, belts or wooden spoons. A grown adult who hits a child should be ashamed and should face the legal consequences..

There’s quite a few of us on here who have been emotionally intelligent enough to bring up our children without any form of physical abuse or the risible use of threats and/or deprivation of favourite toys, love and treats. That clearly makes some of you feel very defensive.

I was always so worried when DM would say naughty children get taken away.
I read one post on Facebook, it said don’t take electronics away, take just the charger then see how they panic as the charge runs out, to me that is unkind.
Mine didn’t get any bad slaps but remember one day my DS kept going and trying to put his fingers through the bars of my mum’s electric fire, I kept saying no and taking him away, he kept pushing and pushing it though and in the end he did get a smack across his fingers and I told him the fire would really hurt, never did it again.
He is now 27 and works as a youth pastor and sometimes does the sermon in church, he has his own baby now and agrees that a smack on the hand never hurts to prevent a danger

Will you ever tell us how you did it maryeliza54

Does it just require a degree in 'emotional' intelligence?

Is this somehow telepathically transmitted to the 2 year old who is biting chunks out of his brother or nursery chum?

Blimey I trust the nursery aren’t slapping the children

After witnessing shouting and swearing at a small child I would prefer a quick slap.

Whitewavemark2 no, the nursery shouldn't have to because discipline 'should' start at home.

Too many liberal parents are shoving the responsibility onto nursery staff and teachers because they are either too lazy (tough love is difficult) or too afraid to enforce any discipline on their children at the optimum age.

Before they go out into the world and are expected 'not' to behave like animals.

Why would anybody want to physically hurt another human being never mind a vulnerable child?

If a teacher can conrrol 30 children without the use of physical violence, then why can't a parent?

How does one measure pain in child?
because surely for the 'slap/smack' to work the child would have to feel pain or at the very least discomfort.

I also am not a liberal or have fed my children/grandchildren mung beans!!!

If my daughter smacks her son (my grandson) can I then give her a slap as she is my child.
At what age should parents stop smacking their children???

disagree. its assault same as if you hit an adult.

Hurrah! I do so agree. It is so obvious.

Oh dear. Parenting by fear still seems to be prevalent. I am a parent who never smacked my children and a teacher who saw the consequences of children who had been assaulted by parents.

I was just wondering how many of the parent smackers on here have also smacked their GCs? Or don't they dare because their DCs wouldn't approve.
How to raise a child wthout smacking:
1. Make sure they are surrounded with love, a child who is loved and cared for cares for others.
2. Use your voice and your face to show disapproval when a child does something wrong.
3.Give praise when a child behaves well. The more the better. One word of praise is worth ten of condemnation.
4. If a child does something unacceptable like biting another child take them away from the child and tell them why. You don't need to smack, just to stop the child doing it and if that means crawling around after the child to intercept a bite well accept it's part of the job. Just as ignoring a child because you are on your phone is wrong so is ignoring them whilst they are playing because giving them a smack is easier.
5. Never give in to screaming and yelling. Remain as calm as you can and explain what you want the child to do.
6. Be consistent if something is wrong one day you can't let a child do it another day because you are busy. Removing a toy, using the naughty step and time out can all work, but what should matter most to the child is that you find something wrong. Mostly children want to please.
7. Play with your child, talk to them and listen to them
8. Give lots of hugs and repeat 1 as much as possible.
I am amazed that so many people feel smacking was not only necessary but are proud of doing it.

My own mother was always ready with a smack but it was not the physical which hurt but what seemed an inability for her to show me any affection and was to become more obvious in my adult years.

Ginger79, I'm with you there as I think that shouting and swearing at a child is more offensive than a slap. I can't bear it when I hear raised voices toward a child of any age.

I think it depends a lot on whether the slap is pre-meditated or a spur of the moment thing.
I remember that when I was little, I did something or other which was considered naughty - can't even remember what it was - and, after my dad had come home from work, and they had discussed my misdemeanour, they agreed that I should have a good spanking. this was some time after the offence, whatever it was, so Mum took me upstairs, made me lie down on my bed, pulled my pants down and gave me a good hiding. I was so shocked that I remember it to this day, as it was so cold and pre-meditated and so much time had elapsed since I did whatever it was. I'm still appalled at the thought of it.
On only about three occasions in her childhood, did I give my daughter a quick smack, and then it was immediately after she did whatever it was that was wrong.
The main sanction was a video ban or a felt-tip ban (!) if she was particularly naughty, and this worked a treat! (she was actually a very well-behaved child, but nobody's perfect!)

trisher?

Proud of smacking ? Get real Trisher ! Typical of the do-gooders of this world who do more harm than good----of which I have proof !

I smacked my children when I was at the end of my tether, and never before they were about 5 years old. I don't think I was right to do it, and am certainly not proud of it. I see it as my failure. I could mainly discipline them with a look.

None of my daughters smack their children, I just don't think it would occur to them, any more than it would occur to them to smack another adult. Their children are all well behaved.

Maryeliza, you still have not explained to us dimbos exactly what your method of training is. Do it please!!

Cherrytree, unfortunately many teachers cannot control a class of 30 children an many have been physically assaulted themselves by their pupils. My grandson was a trainee teacher and so was my daughter, just for a few months, and in that short time they decided they definitely did not want to teach. How were those children disciplined at home?

Oh I'm real EllanVannin I don't exist in a world where you can say to someone "it's OK just smack your child gently when they are in danger", because I know quite well that the only words some people will hear from that are "IT'S OK JUST SMACK YOUR CHILD" and will do so. I have worked with children who were smacked regularly and who thought the only solution to anything was to get your blow in first before the other person did. If that is the sort of world you want to live in that's fine. But then why not go back to when there was real discipline, when men took their belts to their wives and children if either of them stepped out of line. After all if the youngest and weakest don't deserve the protection of the law why does anyone else?

Do you know what it’s bloody sad that a collection of women who claim to be mothers cannot actually differentiate and understand the difference between a odd smack and outright emotional and physical abuse.

It’s pathetic it really is. ‘Maryeliza* what a sneery superior comment about emotional intelligence.

I like every poster on here adored my children and adore my grandchildren and you know what they adore us back.

No I wouldn’t smack a grandchild because I only see them weekly and of course the ongoing stress and parenting isn’t mine.

if one of my kids did smack one of their kids I would listen to them, sympathise and understand. It’s obviously a one off!!!

You know why because they are completely normal but Like all of us fallable.

Some on here need to really look in the mirror and stop being so bloody smug.

Mind you in my experience what smug people say outside is very different to what happens in the privacy of their own homes.

Nothing guaranteed to make a crap parent feel superior is to bitch about other parents parenting.

oy tricher

Do you really think your list hasn’t tried by everyone on here!!!??? Of course we all know the best way to deal with behaviour. It’s not rocket science and you are not some superior child care guru educating the masses and us stupid abusing child smacking monsters.

For goodness sake stop making an arse of yourself.

The odd smack is fine. Nor great parenting but not dreadful.

Good grief the patronising and nonsense on here is laughable

My dad, who brought myself and my brother up (unusual in the 50s/60s) was very soft, but, if I was really naughty, then I got a smack on the back of the legs and sent to my bedroom. I did the same with my two daughters. None of us came to any harm, either physically or mentally. I think the "no smacking brigade" are there because they think it may open the door to parents beating their children. It's about adults behaving in an adult way and controlling their anger? Actually, thinking back to my Secondary School, the lessons that everyone (even the really naughty kids) behaved themselves in all thee time were the ones where we all knew that the teacher was not adverse to use the cane!

Then how come many of us have brought up our children successfully have never used physical punishment?