Playing with fire

I had no cause to smack either the GC or GGC simply because it wasn't me who was/is looking after them.

If these smug " non-smackers " were to go inside the home of my 7 GGC with a mother who believes in " sparing the rod and spoiling the child ", they'd all run out screaming ! I wonder what their thoughts would be then ?

I think that the point is that it is clearly possible to bring up children without inflicting the slightest tap or slap.

Given the choice, it must be the better option.

What concerns me is when do you start slapping a child? Birth? 6 months? 1 year? 2 years?

Toddlers are so vulnerable - I can’t believe that as a child’s mother anyone would even remotely think a tap or slap would produce the required behaviour. So if you have a child that is generally well behaved and she suddenly decides to put her fingers into say a plug, you have to ask yourself first, how is she able to do that? The situation should never arise.
If you have a child that is difficult, and badly behaved, I think you have to look at your parenting. The point is slapping does nothing except prevent immediate behaviour that the parents were at fault for in the first place. It won’t prevent future behaviour.

It is muddled thinking to think it would

Believe me I’m not smug. But extremely concerned that anyone thinks it acceptable to smack a child.

It is wrong from which ever angle you look at it.

Those of our children that attended private schools knew that we had signed the corporal punishment consent forms, we discussed it with them. They behaved as expected so never encountered the "dreaded cane".

I refused to allow such “corporal punishment”

WhitewaveMark2

One last time noone is advocating smacking as a good or an ongoing go to tool to parent! Ok no one.

But many parents have given their child the odd smack and said child has not entered s life of either crime or counselling because of it.

As I said upthread I witnessed much emotional abuse and in my view neglect of her kids from my neighbour who was also vehemently anti smacking.

The odd smack does not a terrible parent make or the anti smacker Bloody Mary poppins.

perspective and commen sense is all.

Why private schools??

Myself and dh attended junior/infant and grammar schools and were both smacked.

It wasn’t a private school phenomenon.

And I am very glad it’s outlawed in schools but it should work both ways. Any child hitting a teacher should be out.

mycat one last time

Smacking is never necessary.

Emotional abuse is a disgrace, but you simply cant suggest either/or.

They are Myhatisahacker along with many other children who can't cope with the pressures of school. A lot of these children are smacked and hit at home
The number of children permanently excluded from state primary, secondary and special schools in England increased by about 1,000 between 2016 and 2017, according to the Department for Education (DfE) figures.

Secondary schools accounted for more than four out of every five permanent or temporary exclusions, according to the figures, with “permanent disruptive behaviour” accounting for the bulk of the increase in both types of exclusions.

The total of 7,700 equates to more than 40 permanent exclusions a day during the 2016-17 school year, compared with a little over 35 a day the previous year.

By the way I only posted how to bring up your child without smacking because people kept asking about how it can be done.

Whitewave I completely agree with you.
And if this (I believe) was posted on Mumsnet the
pro-smackers would be given short shrift and quite rightly so.

IMHO children of the present generation are no more naughty or rude than any child from previous generations.

Children are children!

smacking is never necessary

Whitewatermark

I agree but it happens and the odd smack is unlikely to cause long term physical emotional or psychological harm to an otherwise cherished loved and cared for child.

I am not suggesting either/or

I am saying that a parent who is a vehement anti smacker May or may not be a great parent either.

There are 4 main types of abuse as I am sure you know

Physical, emotional sexual and neglect.

One snack on the bum occasionally done by a parent (who probably immediately feels far worse then the child) is by no means as bad as the above list.

I had 4 children and I smacked the older boys occasionally. Not proud of it but neither am I going to beat myself up.

All my kids are fabulous adults.

trisher

But you can’t generalise for a whole population because a small minority of parents are violent abusers. Those parents should face the full force of the law and i have dealt with child abuse cases during my working life.

Parents quarrelling in front of children should be outlawed, as should shouting at children. If anything was/is more damaging it's this ! Using a mobile phone while in the care of children, unless it's an emergency, should also be banned. Children are there for your pleasure not to either listen to parents fighting nor someone on a phone ignoring them.

cherry

childhood psychology is better understood now than when our children were small. The mums understand this.

Sill no answer from Maryeliza about her superior parenting techniques. l am beginning to think she is a fraud who actually has no answers.

Trisher where did you get your facts that excluded children are the ones who are smacked ?

WW Thank goodness

If anything, it's those who are not used to discipline and an orderly behaviour who are excluded.

Children are cunning. If they cause ructions in school they know that they'll be sent home------which is just what they want !
Would they rather stay in a school where they're safe or go home for a battering ??
There's your answer to your battered kids Trisha !

My mother once told me that her mum used to tell her she didn't love her anymore when she'd been naughty, but never ever told her that she loved her again when she was good. She felt unloved. Far worse to do that to a child than the occasional short sharp smack on the bum in my opinion. Regular and senseless beatings of course are totally wrong. Surely people know the difference between beating and gently correcting a child. We're turning into a police state.

I agree child psychology indeed all emotional/mental health needs are understood more these days.

Doesn’t mean that out treatment of those issues are any better now.

At dds school there was a full time councillor.

It was well known that if you wanted to get out of maths/PE you requested to see him him to stress!

I have to say in my view and in the view of my closest friends who are high school teachers teenagers now are less resilient and less happy and more stressed than there grandparents were.,

And please don’t blame it all on the internet and social media. That has been questioned literally today my oxford uni study.

We have by no means got all the superior answers to parenting kids properly today.

Thanks to trisher, maryliza, whitewave , cherry tree and others for your contribution to this thread. No one is suggesting a one off slap by a loving if exasperated parent constitutes abuse. The non smacking group unite in saying there are better ways to help children learn acceptable behaviour. Trisher’s post spells that out for those demanding explanations on how to parent successfully without hitting

georgia101

Well exactly.?

iam64

I am guessing those posters asking were being sarcastic?

Trichers list is what all normal parents do and was certainly well known wen I was first a parent 30 years ago.

It’s not rocket science it’s common sense.,

"It didn't do either of us any harm...except having red cheeks for a bit. *GabriellaG54 (Mon 06-May-19 20:45:54)

... and yet we know you as the person who puts her own wealth ahead of the lives of others. I would blame it on the beatings if I was you.