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Brexit dividing my family.

(432 Posts)
iluvsylvanianfamilies51 Fri 06-Dec-19 13:10:03

I voted leave in 2016 and had no idea it would come to this. I really think this country has never felt more divided. Walking on eggshells when discussing things with friends, family, neighbours. Not wanting to offend but not wanting to back down. It is horrible.

What makes me sad is that it feels like families are splintered and there's so much resentment. Grandkids all voted remain and kids voted remain and leave. All have arguments about it all the time and I feel them getting more closed off to each other.I t is unbearably sad. We shouldnt be divided like this.

I'm sure others feel the same but the reason I post is because my granddaughter sent me this video and I think it articulates it really well. You may not like Labour or momentum but I think we will agree that this tension between leave/remain leaves us weaker. And when I voted in 2016 I didn't think it would be so drawn out. I feel embarrassed about that

twitter.com/PeoplesMomentum/status/1202573131606573056

I have been on the fence about who to vote for but I despise Johnson for his comments on single mothers (AND his racism!) and I think Labour are the best chance we have to get a better leave deal and bring our country back together again. In 2015 I never expected political division to make living rooms tense and communities divided. I wish we could have it back and this stalemate to be over.

varian Sat 07-Dec-19 14:58:36

This information from the Institute for Fiscal Studies, was not available in 2016, but should be of interest to anyone interested in analysing information.

sharon103 Sat 07-Dec-19 15:04:08

I agree jennyvg Sat 07-Dec-19 13:47:23
We don't discuss Brexit among family or friends.
Whoever's voted in next week as Prime Minister will have to be accepted. Some of us will be pleased, some not. I still feel the arguments will carry on though regardless of the outcome.
I can't see why people are worrying so much about future generations. What will be will be. It's wasted energy. We can't change anything.
I'm sure parents and grandparents thought the same and worried about the future of children during two world wars. We survived.
The future is in the hands of the next elected government. We can only vote for who we think will give us the better future.

varian Sat 07-Dec-19 15:16:32

We can sometimes change things. We have the opportunity next week to change things for the better.

granh1 Sat 07-Dec-19 15:18:44

I think it is easy to 'respect other peoples views' until Brexit impinges personally. My daughter lost her job in UK/EU environmental research as a direct result of Brexit. When this was mentioned to family/friends there reaction was that it was nothing to do with their vote, and she would have to find another job. I find this blind spot between Brexit and what it means to peoples lives quite staggering.
Yes, Brexit has caused a rift in my family - despite giving my siblings the apology they demanded for questioning their vote, I see very little of them.
I live in a Leave area, so don't express my views so I don't upset neighbours and feel quite alienated from my community.
My daughter has requested that when we meet up after Christmas, could we not talk politics in front of the teenage grandchildren who are getting quite upset about it - what a legacy we are leaving!
At the end of the day, you can choose the people you have emphathy with, whatever their opinions, which overrides family.

varian Sat 07-Dec-19 15:44:01

I am sorry your daughter has lost her job granh1

She is one of many who have already suffered because of brexit. If it is not stopped there will be many more, which is just one of the many reasons to vote for the candidate most able to beat the Tory in your constituency.

crystaltipps Sat 07-Dec-19 15:50:21

sharon - parents and grandparents thought the same and worried about the future of children during two world wars. We survived
I’m sorry to call this out again but please don’t say this. Millions did not survive the two world wars including members of my family. Please don’t insult them by comparing the self inflicted Brexit omnishambles to wars.

DillytheGardener Sat 07-Dec-19 16:03:09

I voted leave and both my children depart with their wives to live abroad early in the new year as their industries have respectively moved and work dried up because of brexit.

My sons of course judge my vote and my dils, one is an immigrant and the other the daughter of two immigrants
. They have voiced their hurt that we voted they way we did because of immigration as they both have contributed greatly by paying taxes and volunteering.

My husband has now been emboldened to make his racist and sexist views known now that his beloved Boris (who I formally liked until the past few years) says what he he likes, so this has further alienated our children.

I feel very grim and gloomy the past 6 months have been a drain.

M0nica Sat 07-Dec-19 16:03:14

Good heavens what a censorious and dictatorial group the Reminers on this thread are!

No, wait, before you all shout, I voted Remain because I strongly believe that it is the best thing for this country, but I do not think I have a monopoly of truth. I can still like and respect those who voted leave because I believe that there decision making process was as careful as mine and that they believe that leaving is the best thing for the country in every way, in the same way we remainers do

I really do not want to mix with Remainers who think they have some kind of moral superiority over those who think and vote differently to them - and I am qite scared of them, because that way lies fascism

Labaik Sat 07-Dec-19 16:07:54

How can you equate remain voters with fascism when, imo the instigator of Brexit, Farage, is the nearest thing this country has had/has got since Oswald Moseley?

Chestnut Sat 07-Dec-19 16:09:05

Crystaltipps - Brexit itself is not being likened to two world wars. It is that people are saying they now fear for the future, which is exactly what people would have said when the wars were raging. In fact, it is remoaners who say they fear for the future after Brexit. Those who want Brexit do not fear it because they know that (given time) things will be better.
Change is inevitable during our lives and we all have to adapt to change.
For instance, horses and everyone working with horses became unemployed when cars came along. That includes skilled saddle makers who found there was no need for saddles any more. That is life.

varian Sat 07-Dec-19 16:17:50

What a difficult situation for your family Dilly. It is hard enough that your sons and their families are moving abroad but it must be even harder that your husband's views have become more racist and he expresses these views so freely. I hope that your sons realise that you do not share his views and you can maintain good relationships with them, even though they'll be living elsewhere.

Your sons and their wives sound like the sort of good citizens our country really cannot afford to lose. I wish them well.

Chestnut Sat 07-Dec-19 16:20:59

How can you equate remain voters with fascism when, imo the instigator of Brexit, Farage, is the nearest thing this country has had/has got since Oswald Moseley?
Wash your mouth out! Don't your realise there are several far right groups who are as far removed from Farage as you can imagine. They don't get publicity but they exist. Don't you know the Brexit Party has a greater ethnic mix than any other party. The far left are all too quick to demonise anyone who calls for reform or regulation of any kind.

varian Sat 07-Dec-19 16:24:14

In chestnut's opinion.-

Those who want Brexit do not fear it because they know that (given time) things will be better

How much time?

MEP Lucy Harris who has just left the Brexit Party to support the Tories, said thirty years, but Jacob Rees Mogg said fifty.

Caro57 Sat 07-Dec-19 16:37:44

que sera sera - what's more important in our (relatively) little worlds......politics that we connot influence other than vote when ask and, as we are a democracy, accept the result or keeping our family

ananimous Sat 07-Dec-19 16:44:31

We are not leaving Europe, just leaving the E.U. folks - Let's have a bit of Dunkirk spirit! I'm sorry if it has caused job hunts and house moving, but it is not the end of the world really, and let's have some sensible perspective.

M0nica Sat 07-Dec-19 16:52:07

I am not equating Remain voters with Fascism, I am a Remain voter myself.

I am equating the attitudes of some Remain voters with Fascism, when they think they are all right and anyone who voted leave is wrong and. effectively, should be excluded from normal society, no doubt sent to some camp where they can be 'taught' the error of their ways.

AlisonKF Sat 07-Dec-19 16:53:52

Before the Brexit vote, it did not occur to me to consult my immediate family because I knew we would all agree. My sons, an actor and a middle ranking civil servant both voted against as I did. Both are keen on Irish passports. The elder, the actor, obtained one years ago to look for work in the US. He was born in NI while I was living ther. The younger is urging me to obtain an Irish passport on the strength of my Northern Irish mother. This is all to make a point about the ridiculous Brexit plan. Thousands are applying at the moment. I have noticed that actors and others in the arts and enter tainment, mostly are against Brexit. Westminster politics is embarrassing and if Scotland breaks from the Union (only 300 years old), I shall be glad to take advantage of my Scots half and get a Scottish passport as well. Englsh citizens will know who to blame for their isolation.

Chaitriona Sat 07-Dec-19 16:57:46

Of course, you are right, there is already privitisation of the NHS as of many other public services to their detriment and at a high cost to the public purse. A vote in Parliament to end privatising health services was narrowly lost. However this will increase apace. We do not yet have an insurance based health service as they have in the US. But this will come if the Tories win this election and Brexit follows. I have many friends with my illness in the US and the position of many people there is desperate.

Labaik Sat 07-Dec-19 16:59:28

It infuriates me that many Brexit voters are also obtaining Irish passports; I think Noel Gallagher is one of them. Alison; if I was you I'd definitely get one!

25Avalon Sat 07-Dec-19 17:09:28

How can you say you don't like anyone who voted leave without even meeting them? If that isn't being bigoted I don't know what is. We live in a democracy and that means accepting people have a right to vote how they feel and to respect that. What I hate and I'm sure loads of others do is how we have prevaricated for the last three years. Can we get it done or not done and get out of this limbo.

Chestnut Sat 07-Dec-19 17:17:09

Well said, 25Avalon. The last three years have been a nightmare. We should have left on 31st March and got it over with because I've reached the point where I really don't care any more. It's soul destroying. It's not the leavers' fault, it's the arch-remainers who have divided this country and turned us all into crazy people.

Vivian123 Sat 07-Dec-19 17:21:34

I have friends who voted to remain and others who voted to leave. This is a democracy and we are privileged to be able to vote as we wish, unlike some Countries where the populace are terrified to vote against the government. My friends, family and I are all still very friendly and all have accepted that the majority of our Country have voted to leave and believe that this result should be honoured, no matter which way they actually voted. I have friends in various Countries, in Europe and we will still be friends after and if. we manage to leave the EU. We all respect the others' view. As far as racism goes, I suppose I must be racist, as I wish to remain English and part of the UK. Some Scots would like independence, I respect this and if they get independence, it will save the English tax payer a lot of money. Personally, I think Scotland will be better off remaining in the UK, but it is their democratic choice and must be respected, whatever the outcome. We should all be more tolerant of other person's views, no matter that those views may differ from our own. It is not worth falling out and losing lifetime friendships over it, We are all different, which makes this World such an interesting place to live in. Don't fall out with your family and friends over this, it just is not worth it.

Labaik Sat 07-Dec-19 17:30:35

'Can we get it done or not done and get out of this limbo'
..it hasn't 'been done' because Brexit is based on a lie if it being one of the easiest deals in history'. It wasn't then and it isn't now..

Lancslass1 Sat 07-Dec-19 17:39:22

Leyburn
Hear hear!

Lancslass1 Sat 07-Dec-19 17:40:45

We have already had the people’s vote.