The fear women live with

At 17 years old I was walking home , it was about 7pm in April so still a fair of light, in a built up neighbourhood , plenty of houses I passed , I sensed someone was behind me, I walked faster , so di he, I started to run I looked behind he was running too, I made it home, he had chased me to the front door of my house, then decided to run away. , I was ok,
But, nearly 60 years later I have a fear of walking if anyone is behind me ,That incident left me with a picture of him chasing me , Poor Sarah Everard must have been terrified,

I'm shocked and angry.

I also think twice about going out of my home after dark, and in fact I will drive even stupidly short distances if I have to be somewhere else, rather than walk fearfully. And if someone is walking behind me I am super aware of them and of what they are doing.

I don't think that these thoughts even cross the mind of my male friends and colleagues.

So, I think that enough is enough. I think that men should be subject to a curfew. Unless they have VERY good reason to be out of their homes safer dark, they should stay in and let women learn walk the streets unafraid.

I'm 64 now and have lived in fear of men most of my life. I was sexually and physically abused as a child then physically abused as a women. It's only in the last couple of years that I feel I can have an opinion without my heart racing with fear (although it still does happen). In my experience a lot of men don't really like women especially strong women but i do realise this opinion stems from my awful experiences with them....

I live in a town but the street lighting is so poor I wouldn’t venture out of my house after dark unless in my car even though I have friends who live less than a five minute walk away. I feel sorry for those who can’t afford to run a car.

It was spoken about here: www.politicshome.com/news/article/jess-phillips-sarah-everard-violence-international-womens-day

I don't think there is any woman who hasn't experienced some form of harassment in their lives. When I was a teenager a comment could be dealt with by a sarcastic reply but these days that is just as likely to result in a physical attack.

I was grabbed by a colleague after leaving work one night who tried to kiss me. My father had taught me some basic self defence and I was able to get away. I complained to my employer the next day who after talking to the man told me "it was just a bit of fun". Other men in the office took his side and I was accused of having no sense of humour and even that I must be gay (not the word they used) as I didn't welcome his advances. Only one man supported me, he had a daughter my age, and would walk me to my car every evening after until I left the job.

Having said that, I think the majority of men are as appalled by violence towards women as we are. It is a minority of "men" who attack women - basically because we are usually weaker and they are cowards. Young people, boys and girls, need to be taught that everyone is equal and entitled to respect

Women’s hour on R4 were talking about this and the Reclaim the Night movement started in Leeds in 1971. The woman speaking said the situation had never really improved. LBC have been talking about this since 10.00.

I’ve lived in a number of places and the only place I ever felt safe being out alone after dark was on the west coast of Ireland living in a small village. I’d love to feel safe enough to go from our local bus to home after dark but it’s not to be.

Tonight I shall be returning from my daughter’s on public transport then the walk to home, about 5 minutes. Every time I do this I hurry home and breath a sigh of relief when home with the doors locked.

It’s a shocking state of affairs but I don’t currently see a solution.

My heart goes out to anyone who has been attacked be they female or male. If I feel as I do how much more must others feel if they have been subject to unprovoked violence?

With four sons and one daughter we raised our boys to treat girls/women how they want their sister to be treated.

Until males are routinely educated on respecting ALL women this problem will always be around.

Some young men are around violence in their homes, see their mothers beaten and verbally abused, this becomes their normal.

Society has to change to give females the same freedom on the streets as males!

I'm becoming a cynical old bat.
This problem isn't about women who should be free to walk wherever and whenever they want to.
This is a problem with men, men have to realise that though, of course they would never do a thing like that themselves, given the opportunity others will. Back to the school room, back to the education of males by mothers and female relatives and most definitely, it's up to men, all of them to teach their sons, to police each other. It's not our problem so instead of continually telling us to check behind, be careful, wear clothes that are not suggestive and the rest of that bull shit, men have to realise keeping us prisoners to protect us won't work, they have to change. What's up with them. Lack of self control? Help me, 50% of the population need to sort THEIR problem out.

97 % of violent sexual assault is perpetrated by men. Is that ok for you peasblossom.

Truly WWW and others. Can’t you see the damage that you do?

I think talking about something is the first step in trying to make change, I think Male violence is just something that we have all learned to live with, like a background noise.

But the fact remains men are the perpetrators in the vast majority of cases - it’s men’s behaviour that needs to be addressed. Not women’s.

Why should anyone believe anything that women say about their experiences when the originator of this thread says she’s not interested in truth.

No wonder we can’t get other people to take us seriously and they were exaggerating.

Here’s written proof fir them that they’re right?

Leah Croucher

Is it really that rare? Leah Crochers parents still do not know what has happened to her and I am sure there are many other cases. I am pretty sure, from my own experience and that of others, a lot of predatory male behaviour from strangers goes unreported too. I live very rurally and I have even been followed on a dog walk, I doubt I'm alone.

Wow. You’re not interested in truth. In what actually happens. Wow!

I can’t think of anything else to say, Wow.

I lived in South Africa until I was 20. I remember a lot of newspaper reports about women being attacked and the attacker always got off if he said the woman was dressed in a short skirt as that was thought to be a provocation and she was "asking for it."
Some years ago when I lived in Dorset I used to walk my big white Alsatian dog after work in nearby woods, sometimes even as it was growing dark. I used to love the evening sounds of the birds going to their roosts. I never felt scared as I had my big dog with me. I would not have gone without him though.
Sheilasue, my sympathies for your son.

Peasblossom

That wasn’t what I was saying vegansrock.
WWW said name one, as if it wasn’t possible, but Joanna Dehenny immediately sprang to mind and then I googled “Women murderers” and there was a long list.

The trouble with impassioned but inaccurate statements is that the subsequent challenge, that shows them to be exaggerated, then throws doubt on anything that is said and gives those opposing a handle mock the whole thing.

It really doesn’t help. You’re usually someone that likes a nice fact and accuracy.

This thread is about women’s lived experiences and possible answers to the problem.

This isn’t about facts.

Yes men are subject to violence, but can you name a man that this happened to?

Unfortunately, I can. However, statistically it is more likely to happen to a woman than a man. I wouldn't let my daughter walk home alone at night or in a isolated place when she was younger and I wouldn't do it myself. I just wouldn't take the chance unless it was absolutely necessary.
When my daughter was old enough to drive to work, there was a rapist preying on woman on Thursday nights. She only had to walk from the cinema where she worked, to the car park but it was late at night. One night she had a run in with a man who was threatening to clamp her car. She had a male colleague with her on that occasion but she said he made her feel really uneasy and was glad her colleague had been with her. All the girls were aware of him and didn't like his manner. It turned out it was Lee Bellfield. Strangely enough, the Thursday rapes stopped after he moved from the area although no link has ever been made to him.
Living in an area where there is an uncaught rapist certainly makes you think twice about how safe you might be.

Maggiemaybe

^I am not interested in reading examples of men’s experiences of violence perpetrated by other men.^

So when you stated Yes men are subject to violence, but can you name a man that this happened to? Men suffer violence but largely for entirely different reasons, associated with their lifestyle etc.., did you expect everyone just to accept your version of events?

I actually find your judgement on the lifestyle of innocent male victims every bit as wrong as questioning what women wear, what perceived risks they take, etc.

I am not interested in this thread - does that help?

Start a thread about the lived experiences of men and the violence, death rape harassment they experience every day and I will contribute, but I am not interested in being diverted to discuss men’s issues on this thread.

My daughter works in a nursing home and walks the two mile or so home at 10pm . I say to her things like make sure you walk where it’s well lit and on the main road where there are houses and cars passing , there is a short cut for her but it’s on a tree lined lane with no houses and shielded from view , I have made her promise never to walk that way . Had it been my son I’m not sure I would of given the same advice

That wasn’t what I was saying vegansrock.
WWW said name one, as if it wasn’t possible, but Joanna Dehenny immediately sprang to mind and then I googled “Women murderers” and there was a long list.

The trouble with impassioned but inaccurate statements is that the subsequent challenge, that shows them to be exaggerated, then throws doubt on anything that is said and gives those opposing a handle mock the whole thing.

It really doesn’t help. You’re usually someone that likes a nice fact and accuracy.

My daughter is particularly horrified by this. I believe the road that this young woman was walking along was the South Circular - a very busy and well lit road. We have friends and relatives who live close by and my daughter and her friends have walked here many times. It may be a relatively rare occurence but it just brings violence. closer to us.

Sheilasue

I would like to remind you that young black men are killed every day by other young black men, there is this horrific culture in this country.
My son was killed in a domestic violence situation.
Woman are beaten in their homes. Children are abused beaten and so are babies.

We all know about this, of course. But why the diversion to mention it? It rather smacks of "what about the men.." which ALWAYS crops up on social media whenever the discussion is about women. It's a young woman we're talking about here, not the murderous aspects of gang culture.