The fear women live with

Whilst in a hospital bed I was a attacked, a man held a knife at my throat and told me he would kill me and my husband and children.

It was a dreadful experience that left me with PTSD, although I didn’t realise at the time.

I am very aware now of my surroundings, I hate anyone walking behind me, I will always look for exits in crowded places.
I feel as though I have a 6th sense.

When in Strasbourg a couple of years ago at the Xmas markets, I was very uncomfortable and begged my husband to leave the narrow streets of the old town and head away.
There was a large Police presence and I sensed danger.
The following day on that very street a terrorist

Foxie48 - when my children were young adults, I was more anxious when the "boys" were out after dark than the "girls".

As I have long been aware, as a young man you are much more likely to be assaulted by a stranger.

I am so sorry that happened to you Missfood

I wish they'd stop saying this is rare---it isn't ! Doesn't Cressida Dick ever read the papers ?

Suzy Lamplugh disappeared in 1986 after arranging to meet a man for a house viewing ( she was an estate agent)
This shone a very bright light on women and lone working, and that has continued, becoming part of H &S risk assessment.
I was given an attack alarm by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, and for the first time my employer began to think about people working alone.
Later we all had mobile phones of course, but attack alarms are still being given out for free.
I remember thinking that the alarm needed to be attached to me in some way as the attacker probably wouldn't let me get to my handbag.

I remember having a lecture from Suzy Lamplugh’s mother at work about the danger from women’s lived experiences.

It seems to me that nothing has changed.

It is rare though. Millions of people live in London and most are safe. Having said that, there's always a risk. I'm quite aware of surroundings when I am in isolated spots with the dog. I doubt many men out with their dogs have similar feelings. Having said that I know of a man in a rural wood was attacked by a complete stranger. Think that I've talked myself into a circle. Everything is a calculated risk.

Why is the onus always put on women, don't dress in a particular way, don't drink, take taxis, stay in groups, don't walk alone at night.

I accept we are all responsible for our own safety but it seems if a woman is attacked there is always the presumption that she may be partly to blame if she didn't follow this advice

Oldwoman70

Why is the onus always put on women, don't dress in a particular way, don't drink, take taxis, stay in groups, don't walk alone at night.

I accept we are all responsible for our own safety but it seems if a woman is attacked there is always the presumption that she may be partly to blame if she didn't follow this advice

Taking taxis isn’t necessarily safe is it!?

Yes men are subject to violence, but can you name a man that this happened to?

Yes. A colleague's brother was killed by someone as he walked home. Nothing he had done - killer didnt know him, he was just out to kill anyone.

I would like to remind you that young black men are killed every day by other young black men, there is this horrific culture in this country.
My son was killed in a domestic violence situation.
Woman are beaten in their homes. Children are abused beaten and so are babies.

This is so tragic, poor lady. I will admit, when this was first reported on and I read she had left a friends house around 9pm to walk home, a journey of around 50mins, my initial reaction was 'What'.....why ever didnt she get a cab but, 'Why shouldn't she have walked home alone at that time without fear or worry'. As mentioned, all woman worry about being out late at night. My WI is an afternoon one, purely for the fact a lot of its members are retired and flatly refuse to venture out in the evening as they have to go home alone.
Such a shame

My DH with a wife and 2 daughters is very aware of women’s fears and if walking in the evenings (not happening at the moment as 6pm curfew here in France!) is always careful if following a woman. He’ll hang back or change pavement so as not to frighten her. I love him dearly!!!

Sheilasue

I would like to remind you that young black men are killed every day by other young black men, there is this horrific culture in this country.
My son was killed in a domestic violence situation.
Woman are beaten in their homes. Children are abused beaten and so are babies.

I really find that this post raises my hackles. I don’t need reminding of this - we are discussing the context of women and the fear of being out in the evening. I would happily discuss any of the issues you mention if you start a thread on any of them.

There have been a few murders of young male students in Liverpool city centre.
My brother was picked on alone in town at night for no reason spent a week in hospital. Unprovoked attacks for no reason and randomly picked on.

Riggie

*Yes men are subject to violence, but can you name a man that this happened to?*

Yes. A colleague's brother was killed by someone as he walked home. Nothing he had done - killer didnt know him, he was just out to kill anyone.

Was it a woman who killed him? Does your brother feel fear if he realises he is being followed by a woman at night? Does your brother always think twice about going out after dark?

60 years ago when I was 9 I was sexually assaulted and in my early 20s I was raped. I never told a sole until a few years ago when out on one of my long walks with a friend only to find out that she had an incident in her teens. A friends twin brother was raped on his way back from cubs one evening and that was about 60 years ago. This all took place in London so I cannot comment on other parts of the country. The thing is this sort of thing has always happened but in the past it was never spoken about. If my father and brothers had ever known what had happened to me they would have gone on the rampage. I now longer live in London but to this day I will not venture out alone in the dark and I fear for my 7 year old GD.

We moved from London to Leeds in late 1979 - the height of the Ripper, which meant from being able to walk to work and back through the park often after dark in London to not being able to go out of our door in Leeds - husband taught me basic self defence but even now am very wary especially if I hear footsteps behind me even during the daytime

I live in a small town where crime is normally very low but since the lockdowns started there seems to have been a surge of random violent attacks. My neighbours were attacked randomly just walking down our street in broad daylight in a very violent, unmotivated attack. They are both in their 40s. They were hit round the head with a blunt object by soneone who said he didn't like the look of them. Nothing was taken. They needed medical attention. The man got away with it as he sped off on a bike. I feel that since the lockdowns some people have become very angry and become quite dangerous.

suziewoozie

Sheilasue

I would like to remind you that young black men are killed every day by other young black men, there is this horrific culture in this country.
My son was killed in a domestic violence situation.
Woman are beaten in their homes. Children are abused beaten and so are babies.

I really find that this post raises my hackles. I don’t need reminding of this - we are discussing the context of women and the fear of being out in the evening. I would happily discuss any of the issues you mention if you start a thread on any of them.

Absolutely. I started this thread in the hope that people could talk about women’s lived experiences with regard to every day fear of violence, death, harassment etc.

I am not interested in reading examples of men’s experiences of violence perpetrated by other men.

That needs another thread.

I have always been afraid of being out on my own, especially at night. As a seven year old child I was on my way to my dance class when I was stopped by a man. He was asking for directions to the train station. I was only too happy to help, and explained where it was. He was grateful and said as a thank you he would give me a gift. He then exposed himself to me and asked me to play with him. I was absolutely terrified. I ran. Fortunately he didn’t chase me, but it has stayed with me to this day. My advice is to always be careful where you go on your own, and take an alarm with you.

No one has pointed out that 99% of the perpetrators of this type of violence are MEN. That is the problem. Yes young men, gay men are targets of random violence but NOT by women.

This thread could be linked to the one about freedom for children,, did we have more?

how life here in England(UK) has changed over the last few years,, in my generation....

I grew up as a child in freedom, then.. it started,,, more than one reason why more violence.

Lukasz Skaboszeski, Kevin Lee,, John Chapman. All brutally murdered by Joanna Dennehy, who would was proud of her violence and said herself that she would like to murder more men.
There are many more names of men murdered by women if you care to look.

I understand your passion WWM but it never does any cause any good to make innacurate statements,

Of course women should be able to walk safely at night; we all should, both men and women, but that is in an ideal world and we don't have that. Both Joanna Lumley and a senior woman judge, who had just dealt with an appalling case of an attack on a drunken and helpless woman, were vilified for saying that we must all take care and be responsible for ourselves. Reading some of the reports, this poor young woman had decided to walk home, a completely reasonable action, when she was in full control of herself and presumably just wanted some exercise, but she has been the truly unlucky victim of violence - how must her family feel. I too was surprised to see the alleged perpetrator named, and on the front cover of my newspaper. The article also said that currently there is nothing to link him to the victim, or indeed any evidence that she knew him. It is all so sad and ugly.