The fear women live with

I am a nurse working with children in care. In the world of safeguarding children we are only too aware of the abuse and violence prevalent in society.
I had a very happy working class childhood, we weren’t well off, but always well fed and clothed and had an annual holiday.
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realised at least 3 of my close friends had been abused as children or were witness to domestic abuse and parents who were drinkers. These discussions with my (now adult) friends, combined with my experiences through my job helped me to understand how prevalent abuse of women and children is.
If anyone is interested there has been lots of work done recently around adverse childhood experiences (Google it, particularly a TED talk by Nadine Burke Harris), this helps to explain the lifelong impact of abuse in childhood. Whenever there is something in the news or media about a murder, rape, county lines, knife crime, domestic abuse etc, I always wonder what the perpetrators childhood was like, and usually that’s where the issue is.
I know there are many people who suffer abuse and neglect as children who don’t grow up to commit such crimes, but very often in these cases there are other protective factors like a trusted adult in the child’s life that helps them work through their difficulties.
A bit heavy for a Sunday night, but food for thought and something that may just resonate with some of you.
Take care ?

Impartialandeducated

It appears that my previous post has been withdrawn. I was merely drawing a comparison between the demonstrations that were allowed in May at the height of the first epidemic with police even taking a knee in support of BLM whilst the only knees genuflected in support of Sarah and women in general were lodged in the backs of young women.

You can’t let it go though can you?

I agree. The police should have been showing respect and laying flowers rather than coming out in force and using force.

- To ' susiewoozie I’m just fed up of having to repeat myself- '

give it a rest for a while then, why don't you. '

It appears that my previous post has been withdrawn. I was merely drawing a comparison between the demonstrations that were allowed in May at the height of the first epidemic with police even taking a knee in support of BLM whilst the only knees genuflected in support of Sarah and women in general were lodged in the backs of young women.

Summerlove. I don’t understand your comment about “women’s faults” in response to Katie59 ‘s post. If only we could find common ground instead of looking for who is at fault. None of us are ever going to be perfect, so surely establishing positive ways forward instead of creating divisions is something to aim for.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Katie59

From what I saw on news reports there was an element male and female who just wanted to confront the police and others who just wanted to party.
Pretty much what you get at any demonstration or large gathering so I understand why the police didn’t want it, hundreds decided to go anyway.

So again...it’s women’s faults

Alegrias1

Self defence doesn't work. Its a complete fallacy that learning a few defensive moves will protect you from a person with a weight advantage and the advantage of surprise, if they are really intent on something.

No doubt there are martial arts practitioners that could fight off an assailant but the suggestion that a quick slap will see someone off is a dangerous delusion. Fight back by all means, but don't think that self defence classes are the way out of this.

Exactly.

Also, it’s another way of victim blaming.

“Why didn’t she have self defense? She must have done it wrong. It worked for me!”

From what I saw on news reports there was an element male and female who just wanted to confront the police and others who just wanted to party.
Pretty much what you get at any demonstration or large gathering so I understand why the police didn’t want it, hundreds decided to go anyway.

It shouldn't.
If its the police office it does make it worse .
Who have we been told to look towards when we are in need.
For me knowing it could or might be an officer of the law, whoes job it is to protect makes it more shocking it will be a massive betrayal
My faith is shaken

Self defence doesn't work. Its a complete fallacy that learning a few defensive moves will protect you from a person with a weight advantage and the advantage of surprise, if they are really intent on something.

No doubt there are martial arts practitioners that could fight off an assailant but the suggestion that a quick slap will see someone off is a dangerous delusion. Fight back by all means, but don't think that self defence classes are the way out of this.

Are things really that bad in the UK? They are not here.

Any woman who fears she will be attacked while walking in the street or using public transport should learn self-defence as fast as possible.

I remember being told when I was young in the 1970s that the more capable and confident you look, the less likely you are to be attacked.

The only man who tried to grab me, got an elbow in his midriff and my foot approaching his groin when he let go. I got a slap to his nearest cheek in too, whilst screaming loudly.

I suspect these tactics still work.

I do agree that it is reprehensible that anyone should be afraid to go about by herself, or even himself, but the only way of stopping it, is to make it very clear to those who try attacking "defenceless women" that we are not defenceless, at all.

Men often accuse women of misandry when incidents like this arise and we demand strong action to safeguard us.
Perhaps this tweet below will help them understand where we are coming from.

No, not all men. But if I gave you a box of Maltesers and told you that 1 in 10 of them was actually a nugget of s**t rolled into a ball and dipped in milk chocolate, you'd be wary of all of them, wouldn't you?

Cressida Dick is the boss. she is being heavily criticised...and her resignation is being asked for...priti patel at the home office is also female...she is worried. It was a dreadful error of judgement by those at the top who were just stupidly following the governments line..(.which is how they got there) ...the police holding down the protestors were male..the heavy handed security pc's were male. They have brains they didn't hold back. Yet when there have been large male gatherings in the pandemic...football etc the police don't move in for fear of violence. women are an easy touch. this is a turning point. lets hope. what are you just saying?

" male heavy-handed enforcement to control women's necessary public grief and anger at Clapham"

on BBC tv this a.m it has been suggested that someone at the head of the police, (can`t think of the job title) a woman is responsible for how the police (no women police?) behaved.

just saying

I was 14 and walking to school when a man went past me on his bike. Minutes later I saw the bike dumped in a hedge, then the man walked towards me with all his bits on show. I was terrified as he literally brushed past me. Fortunately I saw some boys from school ahead of me. I ran to them but didn't say what had happened. I was too ashamed to tell anyone, not even my mum.

I think this might be the tipping point of women's tolerance into fury. The cruel murder of a woman, because she was a woman, by a representative of our state security system and now the stupid, incomprehensible, male heavy-handed enforcement to control women's necessary public grief and anger at Clapham Common last night. At least we might see Misogyny become a hate crime. It was ludicrous last week that Scotland protected the rights of transwomen..but not women themselves. Its women that get harmed and killed. this sad turn up of events might end up saving many.

Rowsie no doubt he just thought it was "a bit of fun" - men need to be made to understand that any unwanted attention can be scary and is certainly not "fun" for the women targeted.

This is concerning but I don't think it has changed much over the years. I get so angry when I think that women still have to be scared to walk alone at night. I live in South London and I do still come home in the dark alone when I have to but it is not just the night time we have to worry about. The other day when the weather was beautiful I walked to a local park and found a bench in the sun to sit on and read a book. After a while a man came along and started "exercising" right in front of me. He did not have gym clothes on and he looked dirty and unkempt and started doing squats right in front of me and grinning at me. I felt very uncomfortable and finally moved away. I was very angry that I couldn't just sit in the sun and feel safe!

Yes women live with the fear of poverty, the greatest worry of all.

Many years ago I attended a lecture on violence towards women in film.

What it showed was that in rape scenes, scenes of sex etc it was almost always viewed from the male perspective. The women were simply seen as objects in the scene and no appreciation was shown of how the violence affected her. Frankly back then they couldn’t have shown that as it would have been classified as too violent or poor taste.
Literature too treated rape etc largely from the male perspective. Women swooned as the man “took” her after with violence written as strength or she sort of gave in.

I think this contributed to the issue, where sex and violence was linked without apparent consequences. In any case if a woman became pregnant she was ostracised. Still is in certain cultures.

Here’s a nice example from out state broadcaster reporting an arrack by a man on a girl

‘Teenage girl headbutts man after being grabbed on path’

Clearly what they meant to write was

‘Man headbutted by teenage girl after grabbing her on path’

See the difference? See why it matters? See what is says about entrenched attitudes?

Anyway, good on her

I was wondering how long it would be before someone mentioned lockdown rules in relation to this tragic death. It seems some people would have felt right at home in the Stasi.

Yes, the cost of taxis, and if you live outside a town/city, there are no taxi services at night anyway.