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Transphobic Bullying

(1001 Posts)
VioletSky Sun 14-Aug-22 15:00:44

My teenage daughters frequently tell me of incidents at school.

A friend with short hair called "trans" as an insult and other older slurs I wont repeat, girls wearing trousers the same, girls who dont shave body hair or wear makeup the same.

One girl who uses a cubicle to change instead of the communal area had frequent banging on the door and shouting that she was hiding a (think rude word for penis). She is just shy.

Teenagers, some gay, some not, bullied as too masculine or feminine presenting and too different to be accepted into the rather rigid and narrow constraints in what is fashionable.

It's a wide spread issue: www.beyondbullying.com/transphobic-bullying

Far too many LGBTQ being bullied in secondary school, others bullied as LGBTQ when they aren't, or because their friend is or because they are supportive to LGBTQ.

Yet my son at university reports nothing of the sort. He says people are all very friendly and accepting towards LGBTQ.

So my question is this:

What can we do as adults to prevent our minor impressionable youth from bullying someone over a perceived difference that has nothing to do with their character or worth?

Can we conduct our conversations in private and public in such a way that it is clear that bullying someone for their gender identity, their friends or allies is never acceptable?

Can we help to prevent something that damages mental health and physical health over time and sadly sometimes causes suicide?

What are your thoughts?

Doodledog Mon 15-Aug-22 23:19:09

Sorry It isn't my job to explain to you what you think overly influenced means. Either you think it or you don't. If you think it, discuss it with the child. If you don't, it doesn't matter. It's just yet another example on these threads of how the so called feminist gender critical unite to oppose anyone who might question or draw attention to any inconsistencies in their posts.

It was you who suggested that Molly's grand-daughter was 'over influenced', Glorianna. In your post on Sun 14-Aug-22 22:28:13. Why is Molly supposed to explain what it means to you when it was you who said it to her?

We're back through the looking glass when people can turn the tables like that, or just say something like 'your perception is not my reality' and leave it at that grin.

Rosie51 Mon 15-Aug-22 23:40:02

It was you who suggested that Molly's grand-daughter was 'over influenced', Glorianna. In your post on Sun 14-Aug-22 22:28:13. Why is Molly supposed to explain what it means to you when it was you who said it to her?
We used to have another poster who used exactly these tactics Doodledog How Mollygo is supposed to unravel the reasoning (if there is any reasoning) behind another poster's post is beyond me. Just hope your granddaughter is OK Mollygo, it must be a really difficult situation to deal with. I suspect the 'bully' is enjoying every second of their inordinate power, hopefully the tide will turn and the bully will fade into obscurity.

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 00:31:50

Doodledog

*Sorry It isn't my job to explain to you what you think overly influenced means. Either you think it or you don't. If you think it, discuss it with the child. If you don't, it doesn't matter. It's just yet another example on these threads of how the so called feminist gender critical unite to oppose anyone who might question or draw attention to any inconsistencies in their posts.*

It was you who suggested that Molly's grand-daughter was 'over influenced', Glorianna. In your post on Sun 14-Aug-22 22:28:13. Why is Molly supposed to explain what it means to you when it was you who said it to her?

We're back through the looking glass when people can turn the tables like that, or just say something like 'your perception is not my reality' and leave it at that grin.

I haven't been here all evening why are you bringing up something I said in a negative way to someone else?

It's just not necessary

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 00:41:11

Because it's all part of the same way of not answering or engaging, but brushing aside questions and twisting the reality of what happened. It can be like being in a parallel universe at times.

The next stage is usually someone flouncing off, saying that there is no point in engaging, when in fact they haven't engaged at all.

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 00:43:00

No it isn't doodledog

How would you prefer I explain to you that you are wrong in something you have assigned to me?

I don't do it to you

FarNorth Tue 16-Aug-22 00:52:16

I was glad to see you say that you'll take things further with your DD's school after the holidays VS.
It sounds like they have a big problem with bullying there.

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 00:56:12

I am getting bored with going over and over this, VS. I have not 'assigned' anything to you. I was quoting something you said. That is not the same thing.

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 00:57:52

FarNorth

I was glad to see you say that you'll take things further with your DD's school after the holidays VS.
It sounds like they have a big problem with bullying there.

Yes, I hope the Head is able to explain what they are doing about the bullying, as it sounds as though it has got out of hand. Are your daughters happy there?

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 01:01:15

Maybe you should come and narrate my whole life for me doodledog so I am not confused about myown intentions

Me: " ah the washing machine is finished, I will go and peg this out"

You: "and here we see a VioletSky in her natural environment planning her next axe murder"

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 01:06:45

I have other things to do, sadly. You are missing the point though, but never mind.

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 01:16:50

Honestly, if I am such an awful human why engage with me at all?

I am also very bored with it. I understand you have your perceptions of what I think or mean but when you are wrong you are wrong and you need to handle that yourself because it's not my fault nor my problem.

I don't even own an axe.

FarNorth Tue 16-Aug-22 01:25:55

grin A likely story!

Glorianny Tue 16-Aug-22 09:09:15

Funny isn't it one example of children bullying others using the trans element is dismissed and the poster cross examine whilst another poster is fully accepted and sympathised with. Examine your ideas because your prejudice is showing.

I haven't accused you of lying Mollygo I have simply questioned the version of events your GD is relating to you. I have spent hours with parents who insisted their daughter would never bully and was only the victim when actually the group of girls concerned took turns in both roles and I had witnessed their behaviour. What children tell us is sometimes what they know we want to hear.

FarNorth Tue 16-Aug-22 09:16:35

Glorianny no-one on here is intentionally dismissing bullying so you'll have to be clearer what you are talking about.

Smileless2012 Tue 16-Aug-22 09:20:29

You say you haven't accused Molly of lying Glorianny and yet yesterday @ 21.11 you posted "some of what she posted about porn being shared is either untrue or based on false premises".

So what exactly are you saying?

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 09:41:30

VioletSky

Honestly, if I am such an awful human why engage with me at all?

I am also very bored with it. I understand you have your perceptions of what I think or mean but when you are wrong you are wrong and you need to handle that yourself because it's not my fault nor my problem.

I don't even own an axe.

I will have one more try. I have never said that you are an awful human. That is another example of what I am getting at.

I am pointing out that many of your posts present anyone who disagrees with you as unkind, misinformed, bullying, having a problem, 'narrating your life', 'wrong', assigning things to you, not accepting/validating trans people, seeing you as an awful human and so on. It is done by presenting yourself as the opposite - as kind, 'right', in the real world (as opposed to a perceived one), accepting, a victim etc. Nothing is your fault, and you don't have a problem.

You complain that people are 'assigning views to you', but by saying 'if [you think] X then Y must be true' you are doing exactly that to others. (eg 'if [you think] I am such an awful human. . . .'), but the way you do it is presenting yourself as the victim. You say I am wrong when I quote you directly, and that I should explain to you how you should point that out in a way that shows I am wrong, which is exactly what Glorianna did to Molly by asking her to explain what Glorianna meant by saying that Molly's grand-daughter was 'overly influenced'. It goes on and on.

People can see through it, but I am pointing it out in the hope that you will realise that and stop doing it so that we can have these debates in a way that discusses the actual issues, as you are not the only one who finds the subject important. I do not want these threads to be taken over by this sort of thing, but to ignore it would validate the narrative of you as a poor misunderstood victim, with everyone else as aggressors or unable to tell reality from perception, and I do not want to do that.

Anyway. I have made my point now, and will leave it there. I have no doubt that you will deny it, but others can decide for themselves whether it is perception or reality.

Callistemon21 Tue 16-Aug-22 09:55:11

I think I lost the plot of this thread somewhere along the way (not surprisingly)

Is this a problem at a specific school which the OP's DD attend?
Is it a problem at a school where the OP works?
Is it about a statement made by someone eg HM Inspector of Schools about current types of bullying in all schools, as was mentioned at one point?
Or is there another point to the thread entirely which I'm missing?

FarNorth Tue 16-Aug-22 10:01:40

VioletSky spoke about a secondary school attended by her DDs, and also about a primary school where she works.
Mollygo spoke about a school attended by her DGD.

Glorianny suggests that Molly's DGD may not have given her an accurate version of events.

FarNorth Tue 16-Aug-22 10:05:01

Funny isn't it one example of children bullying others using the trans element is dismissed and the poster cross examine whilst another poster is fully accepted and sympathised with. Examine your ideas because your prejudice is showing.

I don't know what example Glorianny has seen as being dismissed.

Lathyrus Tue 16-Aug-22 10:16:07

Glorianny

Funny isn't it one example of children bullying others using the trans element is dismissed and the poster cross examine whilst another poster is fully accepted and sympathised with. Examine your ideas because your prejudice is showing.

I haven't accused you of lying Mollygo I have simply questioned the version of events your GD is relating to you. I have spent hours with parents who insisted their daughter would never bully and was only the victim when actually the group of girls concerned took turns in both roles and I had witnessed their behaviour. What children tell us is sometimes what they know we want to hear.

Do you think Glorianny that if Mollygo’s GD “version” is to be questioned because she is over influenced the same might be said of Violetskys children?

As you say, children sometimes tell adults what they want to hear and everything in the OP could just be made up or exaggerated.

A possibility?

Mollygo Tue 16-Aug-22 11:18:25

Lathyrus,
Possibly the difference is that we have textual and audio proof, records of reprimands/detentions with reasons given by school and calls to parents (not just my DD) from school to back up what has happened.
I’m still waiting for an explanation of what tri, sorry Glorianny would regard as “over influencing” by a trans child on my DGD.
I don’t expect to get one, but this brushing aside of any questions she doesn’t want to answer is so reminiscent of another’s tactics that it’s almost like déjà vu.

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 11:26:45

doodledogI have simply pointed out to you, that things you that thinking you have assigned to me is wrong

I'm not being passive aggressive, twisting words or gaslighting

If you can't accept that, it's your problem not mine

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 11:31:17

Lathyrus I have already said at least twice on this thread I am not one of those parents who think my children are perfect blameless angels.

But one of my daughters is autistic and doesn't know how to lie or exaggerate and the other is not directly involved and witnessed things.

I still take it with a pinch of salt because as I also already said, working in a school myself, 2 children can both have the perception that the other is the bully

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 11:44:41

I still take it with a pinch of salt because as I also already said, working in a school myself, 2 children can both have the perception that the other is the bully.

Much like with adults, really. So given that you are taking it with a pinch of salt, what do you think should be done about 'transphobic bullying'?

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 11:49:12

Doodledog

*. . . .as some people do not believe acceptance of trans people should be taught in school at all and view it as indoctrination.*
Acceptance of transpeople is perfectly possible without agreeing that they have changed sex, and I'm pretty sure you understand that that is the POV of many people on this thread. That sort of word-twisting is very passive-aggressive, and explains why I, for one, do not believe you are either moderate or a fence-sitter.

An example would be this doodledog

If you can't deal with being challenged on saying things like this, don't say them.

I would like to have a genuine discussion

This sort of thing derails it and makes it unnecessarily personal.

I can go back and quote every incidence of this if it will help you to understand that when you say something about a person that isn't true, they will generally stand up for themselves and won't then allow the narrative to be changed later.

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