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Transphobic Bullying

(1001 Posts)
VioletSky Sun 14-Aug-22 15:00:44

My teenage daughters frequently tell me of incidents at school.

A friend with short hair called "trans" as an insult and other older slurs I wont repeat, girls wearing trousers the same, girls who dont shave body hair or wear makeup the same.

One girl who uses a cubicle to change instead of the communal area had frequent banging on the door and shouting that she was hiding a (think rude word for penis). She is just shy.

Teenagers, some gay, some not, bullied as too masculine or feminine presenting and too different to be accepted into the rather rigid and narrow constraints in what is fashionable.

It's a wide spread issue: www.beyondbullying.com/transphobic-bullying

Far too many LGBTQ being bullied in secondary school, others bullied as LGBTQ when they aren't, or because their friend is or because they are supportive to LGBTQ.

Yet my son at university reports nothing of the sort. He says people are all very friendly and accepting towards LGBTQ.

So my question is this:

What can we do as adults to prevent our minor impressionable youth from bullying someone over a perceived difference that has nothing to do with their character or worth?

Can we conduct our conversations in private and public in such a way that it is clear that bullying someone for their gender identity, their friends or allies is never acceptable?

Can we help to prevent something that damages mental health and physical health over time and sadly sometimes causes suicide?

What are your thoughts?

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 22:59:37

If there is a joke, I'm not neurotypical amd I'm not good at jokes

Callistemon21 Tue 16-Aug-22 23:02:28

None of the children in the OP are trans

they are bullying children who don't conform to gender norms

Which are what?

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 23:04:49

Read the thread?

Callistemon21 Tue 16-Aug-22 23:05:57

Nah thanks

Callistemon21 Tue 16-Aug-22 23:07:30

I thought I might learn something but these threads tend to go round in ever-decreasing circles

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 23:16:19

Yes it's a shame

Smileless2012 Tue 16-Aug-22 23:16:54

I asked earlier today what these gender norms are that the children being bullied aren't conforming too and would really appreciate an answer because I'm getting very confusedconfused.

Zoejory Tue 16-Aug-22 23:17:14

I've given up on it as well

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 23:24:11

Callistemon21

I thought I might learn something but these threads tend to go round in ever-decreasing circles

You won't learn anything from asking questions, I'm afraid.

I've been on this thread from the start and I don't think that you are confused so much as it has shapeshifter so many times that nobody knows what's going on.

It's about transphobic bullying, but that doesn't mean bullying trans children - none of the ones in the OP is trans. It is about people using trans slurs against children who are not trans, but we don't know what the slurs are. The information in the OP comes from a poster's child, but it is naive of posters to believe what children tell them. The OP has taken the information with a pinch of salt. It is about inclusivity, but also about a specific group of children in a mainstream school. There is a general anti-bullying policy which deals with all facets of bullying, but the thread is about something else. Parents who talk privately about trans issues may be responsible for letting their children overhear things about trans issues which may not be 100% in favour of submitting to the Stonewall dogma. These conversations are a bad thing, but the thread is not about having a dig at gender critical people, such as the ones posting on another thread at the time this one was started. People have suggested possible ways of dealing with name-calling to unspecified groups of children but are told that the thread is more general than that. People have suggested how to deal with bullying in a more general way but have been told that the thread is about transphobic bullying. I have explained my confusion and been told to start my own thread. The bullied children don't conform to gender norms but we don't know what they are (or are not).

That's it, off the top of my head. HTH.

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 23:25:57

Smileless

They are in the OP

Rosie51 Tue 16-Aug-22 23:29:38

Smileless2012

I asked earlier today what these gender norms are that the children being bullied aren't conforming too and would really appreciate an answer because I'm getting very confusedconfused.

As far as I can tell they're the stereotypical gender norms that indicate if you don't conform to them, then you're probably trans. At least that's what Stonewall and Mermaids promoted at one time. You know...like blue, cars, climbing trees, trains and football? You're probably a boy. Like pink, ballerina tutus, glitter and make-up, Barbie or My Little Pony? You're likely a girl. Think 1950s and you're there smile

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 23:30:00

A lot of issues have been highlighted in this thread and I do appreciate that

Doodledog Tue 16-Aug-22 23:35:27

Rosie51

Smileless2012

I asked earlier today what these gender norms are that the children being bullied aren't conforming too and would really appreciate an answer because I'm getting very confusedconfused.

As far as I can tell they're the stereotypical gender norms that indicate if you don't conform to them, then you're probably trans. At least that's what Stonewall and Mermaids promoted at one time. You know...like blue, cars, climbing trees, trains and football? You're probably a boy. Like pink, ballerina tutus, glitter and make-up, Barbie or My Little Pony? You're likely a girl. Think 1950s and you're there smile

Yes, and if you don't support children opting for one or the other you are sexist and not a feminist.

Rosie51 Tue 16-Aug-22 23:36:06

Brilliant summing up Doodledog
There was an American program called "Soap" I remember seeing on TV. I thought I remembered the tagline as 'Confused? You will be' but it was actually 'Confused? You won't be after this episode of Soap' Of course each episode left you confused, a bit like this thread.

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 23:38:52

I'm sorry to those who haven't taken anything from this thread despite many many contriburion. I have learned a lot from it and gained a lot of understanding

VioletSky Tue 16-Aug-22 23:39:13

Contributions

FarNorth Wed 17-Aug-22 00:45:01

Smileless2012

I asked earlier today what these gender norms are that the children being bullied aren't conforming too and would really appreciate an answer because I'm getting very confusedconfused.

For girls - long hair, make-up, interest in fashion and pop stars
For boys - short hair, cars, football, crude jokes

Just at a wild guess.

FarNorth Wed 17-Aug-22 00:52:04

Helpful summary Doodledog.

Allsorts Wed 17-Aug-22 07:14:08

The whole thing is confusing, totally. I think it's anyone who doesn't think as they do but I could be wrong, but there again that would be stereotyping. Very confusing.

Callistemon21 Wed 17-Aug-22 10:39:31

Rosie51

Smileless2012

I asked earlier today what these gender norms are that the children being bullied aren't conforming too and would really appreciate an answer because I'm getting very confusedconfused.

As far as I can tell they're the stereotypical gender norms that indicate if you don't conform to them, then you're probably trans. At least that's what Stonewall and Mermaids promoted at one time. You know...like blue, cars, climbing trees, trains and football? You're probably a boy. Like pink, ballerina tutus, glitter and make-up, Barbie or My Little Pony? You're likely a girl. Think 1950s and you're there smile

As a child of the 50s I disliked pink, thought tap dancing and all the makeup and costumes were stupid, liked my chemistry set, my brothers' train set as well as dolls and knitting.

There are a lot of misconceptions about 1950s childhoods and it is only recently that toys have been made in what is thought of as gender categories.
When my DC were young, Lego was just Lego and didn't come in kits for boys or girls.

Stereotyping is more evident now than it was then.

Smileless2012 Wed 17-Aug-22 10:45:59

Thanks to those who answered my question but it doesn't make sense to me.

I posted earlier on the thread that when I was at school 45 to 50 years ago there were girls who wore trousers, had short hair, played football and rugby, did wood work and metal work, boys with long hair, a few who did domestic science, some played hockey and one or two had an ear piercing and wore a stud.

Not all girls wore makeup and TBH I can't say I ever noticed whether any didn't shave body hair.

So, if these are the 'gender norms' perceived as not being conformed too now, resulting in bullying, why wasn't any one bullied for doing or not doing any of these things in my school?confused.

VioletSky Wed 17-Aug-22 10:47:49

Likely because the bullying happening now as acknowledged in government policy is transphobic and influenced by how issues are being discussed in the wider media Smileless

Callistemon21 Wed 17-Aug-22 10:52:40

VioletSky

Likely because the bullying happening now as acknowledged in government policy is transphobic and influenced by how issues are being discussed in the wider media Smileless

But, as Smileless has asked:
why wasn't any one bullied for doing or not doing any of these things in my school?

I don't think some of our questions are being addressed

Smileless2012 Wed 17-Aug-22 10:53:38

But my point vs is that there wasn't any bullying due to gender norms so for me if this is happening it's because as others have also, said it's the 'latest thing' that bullies are latching onto and is not because the bullies are transphobic. They're just bullies.

Callistemon21 Wed 17-Aug-22 11:00:38

X post with Smileless

Yes, as has been pointed out several times on the thread, transphobia is just the latest thing that bullies have cottoned on to because it is so much in the media.
It doesn't mean that other reasons for bullying have disappeared, this is additional to those.

Bullying of whatever kind is wrong and should be addressed in school. Bullies themselves often have problems and it makes them feel better to take it out on a victim.

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