Transphobic Bullying

I need to reiterate again, my daughters are teenagers and in secondary school which is the events in the OP.

I have mentioned things I have witnessed in primary school.

It's always difficult, we want to work with parents, not against them but if a child tells us "Dad said to thump him if he annoys me" that's hard to undo.

Also children at primary school age are often overlooked when adult conversations are happening. Especially if an adult thinks it is acceptable to discriminate anyway and doesn't realise their words may be repeated and tht the school has a different ethos and set of values.

It would probably surprise many parents what children tell us.

My DGS is very young, but stared at a man in a wheelchair. I said hello to him, and asked if he would talk to us if he wasn't busy. He was lovely (my GS is non-verbal, and he said to him 'Oh your voice is like my legs then...not working properly' GS was amazed (he's 2, takes lots in, knows his ABC, and can count to 14...but can't/won't talk). We ended up having lunch with our new friend, and arranging to meet again; now my GS waves to everyone in a wheelchair rather than staring. I hope we can continue to teach him that different isn't bad, just an interesting difference.

Doodledog

What are the slurs??

I won't repeat them. Google it, I tried googling "transgender slurs" for you and they all came up

Maybe we could all help by calling other adults out when we hear them making disrespectful remarks about any person who does not fit their small-minded profile of normal or acceptable. We British (although I have also seen Chinese and Indian friends keeping silent too) tend not to want to make a fuss. None of us want to upset people but children may well pick up this unpleasant behaviour towards casually abusing others if their parents are not clear about it being completely unacceptable.

Lupin

Children reflect what they learn from adults, therefore I agree with those who say lead from the front and be accepting of difference. Stop your own children early from name calling and taunting each other. Start young. Bullying for whatever reason is just wrong. Oppose it where you find it, find safe ways to do so. In schools or where young people are found there should be responsible, supervising adults who will be proactive about stopping bullying where they see it, or are told about it. Sadly this is not always the case.

It's not necessarily learnt in the home.

Some parents would be horrified to find out that their children are bullies at school.
Using trans as an insult to bully others is just the latest, and current, term to use because the topic is in the media so much.
Teenagers are always on their phones and some parents may have no idea what they see online.

Other forms of bullying have not gone away either.

That's lovely Treetops

My autistic daughter has done similar things but she is verbal and when younger used to shout out things and I was always so grateful and amazed at how kind people were about it

A friend with short hair called "trans" as an insult and other older slurs I wont repeat, girls wearing trousers the same, girls who dont shave body hair or wear makeup the same.

These are given as examples of transphobic bullying.
Yet it is also the sort of thing said, supposedly helpfully, by trans supporters.
Although conveyed in a supportive tone, that could equally be seen as bullying of people who don't fit stereotypes for their sex.

I wonder what sort of 'trans-supportive' education is given to the pupils.
Might they be told that these things are signs that someone is trans?

Some people, young or not, will grab onto anything to bully someone else because they think it makes them superior.

rowyn

*VioletSky*, You sound like a very intelligent and tolerant person, and who is very good at asking very difficult questions!
There are many things that I could say, but perhaps the first thing you should do is to make OFSTED aware of your concerns about the school, and encourage other parents of a similar character to do the same.
I don't pretend to know how OFSTED works, but I'm pretty sure that a few people contacting them about a particular school will set some investigation/ action in motion. The following link will give you more information.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/whistleblowing-about-childrens-social-care-services-to-ofsted/sharing-concerns-and-information-with-ofsted-about-childrens-social-care-services

Thank you, sorry I missed this comment

If things are not resolved after the holidays I will definitely take it further

My daughter was bullied for not wearing a thong. My other daughter was bullied for her “cankles”. There are kids at schools who feel superior while at the same time, they are insecure. We need to teach children about empathy. No one should be miserable because of bullying. It’s outrageous. And certainly no one should be in a position where they are so unhappy, they consider suicide

VioletSky

It also concerns me that, because this isn't just bullying, it is discriminatory bullying, by using slurs against one demographic against those not in that denographic, that those attitudes unstopped in children will follow them through to adulthood.

We must keep teaching children from an early age that discriminating is wrong and normalise difference.

Also teaching children that they are absolutely fine being their authentic selves and do not need to conform

But people with red hair are a demographic, too, or people with glasses like bottle-bases, or homeless people who don't have a nice warm bathroom woth hot and cold running water in which to keep themselves clean and sweet-smelling, or who immigrated from a war-torn country, or have learning difficulties or look significantly different to the norm.

Treating trans people as though they are aliens from Mars and giving them top position in the prize list of "those-we-mustn't-upset" is a sure way of moving them to the top of the companion list, of "those-who-are-getting-an-unfair-advantage" and so making them more likely to be treated badly.

They are one of many categories of potential victims. Elevating them to victims-in-chief makes them into a bigger target - and bullies love a big target to cut down.

Elegran I keep explaining that I have noticed a trend in what is discussed wider society playing out in schools.

Currently that is trans, previously it was something else.

I'm in no way asking that any demographic gets special treatment

As a feminist, equality for everyone is paramount

VioletSky

Elegran I keep explaining that I have noticed a trend in what is discussed wider society playing out in schools.

Currently that is trans, previously it was something else.

I'm in no way asking that any demographic gets special treatment

As a feminist, equality for everyone is paramount

Other topics for bullying have not been dropped, I can assure you.

And as Mollygo has so powerfully illustrated, it hands power to those bullies in the group given preferential treatment.

Focusing on one group like this is totally counterproductive in my experience. I have dealt with this situation, though with a minority group other than trans. And managed to achieve a positive outcome for everyone.

It’s no use saying we shouldn’t single a group out and then single them out ?

That should have followed on from Elegran, but I took too long.

No I know Callistemon

But when children are using discriminatory language it concerns me.

Many people believe what I would call discrimination is valid and therefore not bullying as they percieve that demographic as wrong or bad in some way.

The same thing played out over different issues that are prominent in the public eye

I'm in no way asking that any demographic gets special treatment
That you titled your thread transphobic bullying does suggest you think it's different/ maybe worse than other types of bullying. If that wasn't your intention it might have been better to just title it bullying since I think most would agree all bullying is distressing and harmful to the bullied. Every means possible should be used to eliminate it, but human nature being what it is, there will always be those that make themselves feel validated by bullying others.

And I type so slowly half my points are made before I post, sorry.

I don't say that particularly because you are putting trans people at the top of the list for bullying attention (though at the moment you do post about transitioning a great deal and do seem to see them always as the victims) It is a general fact that a great deal of work has beeen put in to paint trans people as martyrs.

Before Stonewall took up the cudgels on their behalf, trans people were gradually and quietly getting on with life and being seen (and mostly ignored) by the rest of the population. Softly softly catchee monkee - as people became more used to seeing clearly nonconforming people about, and they weren't being a threat, they were getting more accepted more and more, just as women in slacks were earlier accepted as still females, and not fiends frm hell.

Then the activists recruited as Stonewalls Champions were taught things like trans being the most persecuted group ever (what, more than Jews under the Third Reich, sent to gas ovens? Old women, burnt or drowned as witches after torture? Twin babies exposed on mountainsides as spawn of the devil?) and anyone who mildly expressed any contrary opinion to the marketing mantras was labelled as a hater and persecuted.

Misrepresenting the legal position to make it appear that even asking someone what sex/gender they were before they transitioned was akin to treason, punishing people for forgetting which pronoun an acquaintance preferred and altering the language to turn men into women, and women into "those who haven't transitioned" was such overkill in the campaign that it was inevitable that some would react against it.

Have you never been persuaded by over-robust campaigning and less-than-truthful marketing to take the opposite course to the one that you were being pushed into?

But the prominent issue here is transphobic bullying which targets trans children and children who simply aren't gender conforming.

That has roots in sexism, something all feminists are concerned about.

That to VS. I type too slowly, too.

Elegran I post on lots of topics across gransnet.

If I post on trans threads I am likely to be discussing that and I may have my own opinion on transitioning or may not agree with others opinions...

I am not sure what you mean by that?

Stop the general issue and the "prominent issue" stops with it. Job done (though the improvement has to be maintained)

Stopping the "prominent issue" before stopping the general one doesn't cure it - either for that issue, the already existing ones, or the new ones which will surely appear in the future.

Mean by what?

Well, no it isn’t the prominent issue here, unless by here you mean this one thread. In that case it is, the issue that is prominent in your thinking.

This is obviously an issue that concerns you greatly and you are very aware of incidences that are brought to your attention.

That doesn’t actually mean it’s a prominent issue anywhere else. Prominent meaning at the forefront of the majority’s experiences.

I suggest again tbat a determination to focus on one particular personal issue in the wider of issue of bullying is totally only counterproductive in dealing with the core issue of bullying.

One very good reason for not pursuing differentiation of particular groups is that it doesn’t work?

Elegran

Stop the general issue and the "prominent issue" stops with it. Job done (though the improvement has to be maintained)

Stopping the "prominent issue" before stopping the general one doesn't cure it - either for that issue, the already existing ones, or the new ones which will surely appear in the future.

Yes so what can we do as adults to prevent that amd are we being responsible in the media as a society?

It doesn't matter what your views on trans people actually are