Transphobic Bullying

Bullying of any kind should not be tolerated and suggests a failing school. It should be taken up with the head and if ignored with the Chair of Governors. A letter to Ofsted (or the threat of one) suggesting an inspection focussed on protection from bullying might be useful.

I’m not sure why you made post about being gay etc, bullying comes in all ways My oldest was bullied badly and you didn’t have trans in life then so definitely wasn’t that. He was bullied because he was brought up in army and we had lived in Germany and he had a op when a toddler he got Jew boy natzi etc bees in a jar put in his face clothes ripped lunch taking off him etc obviously school said it didn’t happen in the end I moved out the area and different school he never had a problem in next school. That was high school. Bullies don’t care what your sex is and my son is definitely not gay but he is now a black belt and he’s also got his oldest daughter doing it and boxing as he doesn’t want her to go through what he went through.

My 2DS were teased and attempts were made to bully them about their polish surname and German fore names , they had a retort"you are what you say!" To spit back at those taunting! Also younger DS relentlessly goaded by one idiot calling him big nose(it wasn't anyway) so he stopped picked up a discarded half buttered muffin and rubbed in his tormentor's face!! All the kids (and staff) in canteen watching let out a huge cheer! He didn't get punished.the taunting stopped and DS became must have mate forever more at school.tormentor apologised when they were at college!! DS too for impromptu facial......... No need to get really aggressive/violent . Just learn to fight fire with...butter

I was called nazi by classmates when I started school. Clearly down to the parents. Luckily I had no idea what that was though knew it wasn’t a compliment. Not sure if anything was done about it.

VS I'm sorry if my pointing out how I see things is painful to you, but as an expert in gaslighting you will surely understand that restricting the ways in which others can express themselves is what gaslighters do?

I am also concerned about bullying (who wouldn't be?). I don't understand what difference it makes why people are bullied. Bullying is horrible whether it is because of wearing glasses, because they are perceived to be trans, or because they are.

Arguably, primary school children are far too young to understand about trans issues, gender issues and sexuality - many adults conflate them - and it would have been much better if they hadn't been taught in schools to children of that age, but left until they were old enough to understand the nuances. I say this not because I don't 'accept' transpeople, but because I do understand children, as well as anyone can 'understand' such a large and disparate group.

What are the trans slurs that are applied to non-trans children? I can't get my head around that, any more than I can the butch lesbians in the school toilets.

And yes, Galaxy, you did .

Define overly influenced in this situation.

Glorianny, Whatever other response you post, please respond to the question above.

I’d be really interested to know exactly what you thing the trans child was doing to overly influence my DGD.

Maybe ypu’re at work, or just not on GN, but I’m still really interested to know your explanation Glorianny.

Is your grand-daughter ok, Molly?

doodledog

Perceptions are individual but I don't seek to tell others who they are or what they mean.

Other than that we simply don't agree on some things and there is nothing malicious or gaslighting or twisting about simply not agreeing with someone.

If you genuinely have that perception of me then that is not my reality. It's not who I am. I am very qualified to know what I think and what I mean.

I think I deserve a voice too.

So either we can go forward differently or we don't but I will point out untruths about myself because this is a public forum and it would influence opinion against me on a personal level which isn't right or fair.

That is fair enough, and I will continue to comment when I feel that you are manipulating things.

I don't agree with you on trans issues, but that is not what I am talking about here. It's not a case of me telling you what you mean. I am talking about little digs about 'some people' not accepting transpeople, me having a 'perception' and you a 'reality' and so on. You haven't addressed any of that.

It's not a dig doodledog it's the truth

Some people believe that schools educating about trans people is indoctrination. I've seen headlines in the media about it.

If you percieve that as a dig at you ( I genuinely cant remember your personal thoughts on that subject)

What terminology would help instead of "some people"?

Back in from buying a carpet!

Actually something Doodle wrote a couple of posts up struck a chord. (though I’m not presuming to say this is what you were saying Doodle, just that it made me think)

This is all the wrong way round isn’t it. The solution isn’t in stopping bullies from centering on any particular group. The bullies will just move on to somebody else. There will always be differences they can pick up on.

It doesn’t solve anything to say how can we prevent bullies perpetrating this specific abuse. It’s like trying to plug a leaky dyke.

Of course it does matter to the specific group that any one person is concerned about. Then it’s a personal thing. Having myself a physical characteristic for which I was bullied, I was personally very relieved when an even more despised group entered society and the pressure was off me. (I know that’s not very nice of me but I was a child!)

But the bullies were the same. All that giving preferential treatment to one particular group does is open up avenues of power for the bullies in that group

Back to respect for other people. Sigh.

My thoughts are that these attitudes are learned in the home…at the parents knee. Always have been and always will be. Children are not born bullies or mallicious … these traits have to be taught.

In a lot of cases I don't think bullies are just bullies, end of story. I think that there are things going on that fuel that behaviour, that their perceptions can be that they are being bullied themselves and I don't ever want to give up on a child if it can be avoided.

Saggi

My thoughts are that these attitudes are learned in the home…at the parents knee. Always have been and always will be. Children are not born bullies or mallicious … these traits have to be taught.

Yes I agree

Children reflect what they learn from adults, therefore I agree with those who say lead from the front and be accepting of difference. Stop your own children early from name calling and taunting each other. Start young. Bullying for whatever reason is just wrong. Oppose it where you find it, find safe ways to do so. In schools or where young people are found there should be responsible, supervising adults who will be proactive about stopping bullying where they see it, or are told about it. Sadly this is not always the case.

Saggi

My thoughts are that these attitudes are learned in the home…at the parents knee. Always have been and always will be. Children are not born bullies or mallicious … these traits have to be taught.

But I also think that peers the media and social media also influence these things

Lupin

Children reflect what they learn from adults, therefore I agree with those who say lead from the front and be accepting of difference. Stop your own children early from name calling and taunting each other. Start young. Bullying for whatever reason is just wrong. Oppose it where you find it, find safe ways to do so. In schools or where young people are found there should be responsible, supervising adults who will be proactive about stopping bullying where they see it, or are told about it. Sadly this is not always the case.

Thank you for sharing this, I agree

I think you're right, Lathyrus, and that suggesting that bullying trans children is any different from bullying those with red hair or glasses is strange. We still haven't been told what the 'trans slurs' being used against children who aren't trans, so it is difficult to think around the issue.

I don't know how many children in one primary school are likely to suffer from sex-related body dysmorphia, so are likely to be trans in the first place. Overall, the way this has been presented doesn't sound like the school is very typical. I understand that these days young children do say that they are 'in the wrong body', but wouldn't have thought that there would be enough in one primary school to create more than isolated cases of bullying of the trans children, never mind those who are not trans and must be very much in the majority.

Not about sex - just the tendency of many to be horrible to people. Unkindness to anyone has to be stopped from when they are tiny. And kindness modeled by example. Yet another reason why children should be brought up by their actual family with whom they live - then you are motivated to turn them into the sort of people you CAN live with.

VioletSky

Saggi

My thoughts are that these attitudes are learned in the home…at the parents knee. Always have been and always will be. Children are not born bullies or mallicious … these traits have to be taught.

Yes I agree

Yes, I agree too.

But then a society, school or wider, has to have ways of either controlling abusive behaviour or changing it. Or else we just give up and let the powerful do as they please.

The OP was about controlling/changing one specific type of abuse and how we could do that. I’m saying that it would just be treating a symptom, not curing the disease. So focusing the energy in the wrong direction really.

Except of course, to make things better for the group that they are centred on. Which might then make it worse for another group instead.

VioletSky

Lupin

Children reflect what they learn from adults, therefore I agree with those who say lead from the front and be accepting of difference. Stop your own children early from name calling and taunting each other. Start young. Bullying for whatever reason is just wrong. Oppose it where you find it, find safe ways to do so. In schools or where young people are found there should be responsible, supervising adults who will be proactive about stopping bullying where they see it, or are told about it. Sadly this is not always the case.

Thank you for sharing this, I agree

I also agree, but genuinely can't imagine parents teaching their young children to feel negative about transpeople. They are age under 11 (or even under 9 if the school is in a 3 tier system) so few parents would be likely to discuss the topic unless the child brought it up, maybe after being taught about it in school.

I always taught my children to be tolerant of others, but also told them no harmful lies as far as I could, so if they had asked about people changing sex I would have told them that this is not possible (in an age-appropriate way that was respectful to transpeople). I'm certain that a lot of parents would do the same. Could the mixed messaging be responsible? Again, without knowing the nature of the slurs it is difficult to know what to think.

It also concerns me that, because this isn't just bullying, it is discriminatory bullying, by using slurs against one demographic against those not in that denographic, that those attitudes unstopped in children will follow them through to adulthood.

We must keep teaching children from an early age that discriminating is wrong and normalise difference.

Also teaching children that they are absolutely fine being their authentic selves and do not need to conform

What are the slurs??

VioletSky, You sound like a very intelligent and tolerant person, and who is very good at asking very difficult questions!
There are many things that I could say, but perhaps the first thing you should do is to make OFSTED aware of your concerns about the school, and encourage other parents of a similar character to do the same.
I don't pretend to know how OFSTED works, but I'm pretty sure that a few people contacting them about a particular school will set some investigation/ action in motion. The following link will give you more information.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/whistleblowing-about-childrens-social-care-services-to-ofsted/sharing-concerns-and-information-with-ofsted-about-childrens-social-care-services

Bullying for any reason is unacceptable, and should be taught to children from a young age.