Lady Gabriella Windsor’s husband Thomas Kingston died from ‘catastrophic’ head wound.

We lost a very close friend to suicide nearly forty years ago.

Why why why never goes away. It’s a life sentence to those left behind.

Someone can seem chatty and normal, talking about what they are going to do tomorrow, then go home and take their own life.
It happened to a colleague many years ago, he was telling me about a problem he'd solved and would tell me about it the next day. ☹

Hels001

So very sad. I wonder from reading lemsips post if he was suffering from PTSD? It certainly wouldn't surprise me after what he'd been through. Such a sad loss for all concerned.

Such a sad time for all in their family.

I, too, would wonder, reading lemsips post if there may well be a PTSD connection, not that we'll ever know. Such a horrid condition.

My husband has an honourary RAF position. Brigadiers often tell of the difficulties dealing with PTSD. Flying on top may be exciting, but seeing carnage on the ground is difficult for those involved.

So terribly sad, I feel so sorry for his wife, parents and friends. If only he’d felt able to reach out for some help.

So very sad. Having to deal with a suicide in any family is heartbreaking.
We always think we can stop it but unfortunately no-one knows what’s going on in someone’s mind.

My father shot himself when he was 48. I was 14, my brother 2. He was always cheerful. We had, the day before, loads of fun with several activities and when we went to bed he told us he loved us. He apparently stood at the end of each child’s bed for a while when we were asleep and thanked my mother for the family she gave him. He went to work in the morning (he was a police sergeant. He played a game of chess with his colleagues when it was quiet and went to his office. A moment later they heard a shot. They ran to his office and found him. Now, at 57 am still not over it and when I got married and had my 3 kids, I remember thinking ‘you could’ve been there’. He loved kids and would’ve loved my husband too. We never got the answers we wanted which was quite simply ‘why’. I so feel for the family and wish I could give his parents and wife a big hug and tell them to get support and counselling. We didn’t get that and we all needed it. My mother was that gutted she ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 3 months.

I think it would be good if we all knew what to do if someone we know and maybe love might be at risk of suicide. I have copied what follows from Mind, the mental health charity.

What if someone I know feels suicidal?
It can be very distressing if you are worried about someone who feels suicidal. They may have talked about wanting to end their life, or you may be concerned that they are thinking about it.

You might feel unsure of what to do, but there are lots of things that might help. You could:

encourage them to talk about their feelings
encourage them to seek treatment and support
offer emotional support
offer practical support
help them think of ideas for self-help
help them to make a support plan
The main aspect of supporting someone through this is compassion, listening and most importantly not over-reacting or becoming upset. Remaining calm and talking the situation through is extremely important.

It may also be helpful to remove things that someone could use to harm themselves, particularly if they have mentioned specific things they might use.

I will add more in a following message.

What to do in an emergency
If someone has attempted suicide, call 999 and stay with them until the ambulance arrives.

If you're worried that someone is at immediate risk of taking their own life, you should do the following if you feel able:

you should remove anything the person could use to harm themselves
stay with them
get emergency help.

My brother took his own life in his 20s. There is always the 'why?'. What more could we have done? As I've got older, I feel that something traumatic happened to him that he never told anyone about and he couldn't live with it.

My last offering on this topic and I both want to say I apologise for taking up a lot of space, and that I have felt it was worth it, as it might make a difference to someone. So I am grateful if you are reading this with understanding.

If you are with someone who is very distressed and you are concerned that they have suicidal thoughts:

Ask open questions. These are questions that invite someone to say more than 'yes' or 'no', such as 'How have you been feeling?' or 'What happened next?'
Give them time. You might feel anxious to hear their answers, but it helps if you let them take the time they need.
Take them seriously. People who talk about suicide do sometimes act on their feelings — it's a common myth that they don't. It's best to assume that they are telling the truth about feeling suicidal.
Try not to judge. You might feel shocked, upset or frightened, but it's important not to blame the person for how they are feeling. They may have taken a big step by telling you.
Don't skirt around the topic. There is still a taboo around talking about suicide which can make it even harder for people experiencing these feelings to open up and feel understood. Direct questions about suicide like 'Are you having suicidal thoughts?' or 'Have you felt like you want to end your life?' can help someone talk about how they are feeling.

That's very good advice Applegran. However there is often no warning. They just do it. Can you imagine the shock?

Me too, Kate1949, I lost my dear brother, my only sibling. Now lost both parents, so no birth family left. What very much helped me & Mum was SOBs, (Survivors Of Bereavement By Suicide). We went on a retreat with them, where I met many others who had lost a sibling by suicide. And my late Mum met many who had lost a child. They do lots of helpful booklets, most are free.

My darling Catherine took her life 6years 4 months ago, much loved mother, wife, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, friend, this followed a several years struggle with a mental illness I worked for Mind.

I remember Anniebach, how time has flown - and the pain never goes away does it?

Never will *MOnica, the support from GransNet brought me through x

Anniebach I totally agree and those that say it can be fixed don’t really know Someone can have all the understanding and help in the world and it can make no difference
A lady I know has tried multiple times to end her life she has talked copiously about how she wants to end it all she has had massive amounts of help from professionals, the NHS, friends, and family Police and ambulance were at her house almost daily for years sometimes multiple times a day …. the end of last year she was successful and killed herself Its what she wanted
Anniebach I cannot believe it’s 6 years I remember it like yesterday

My dear niece took her own life 3 months ago. She was 37. For years she had suffered with mental illness. Nothing seemed to take her inner pain away. We tried helping her by talking to her and telling her she was loved, to no avail. She had tried a few times to end her life but was saved by her father calling for an ambulance. Sadly, this last time, she died whilst on the phone with the crisis team. She had called them for help in the early hours of the morning after taking an overdose with alcohol. Sadly she became unconscious whilst on the phone with them and the ambulance only arrived an hour later. By then it was too late 😢

I'm so sorry for those who have lost people in this way. It's hard. The loss of my brother was ove 40 years ago. There was very little help then. We tried but how could we really understand what he was going through? He was so lovely.

This is my first post. It is absolutely devastating when you lose a loved one to suicide because everybody says why didn’t they talk to someone. The Kingston family will have access to the best counselling, but their pain will be the same as anybody else who has suffered such a terrible loss. Added which they have the press to contend with. In time they will remember how Thomas lived his life and the wonderful contribution he made during his lifetime and not the way he died.

I lost my son to suicide in 1989 when he was 20 and my dear husband in 2019 after 51 years marriage. I have a daughter and two grandchildren and I want to show them that life is hard sometimes but you have to make the best of it and carry on.

Thankfully I have never had to experience this with anyone close to me.

In what could be said the positive is that a troubled soul has been laid to rest.

This is a huge subject.
I think the causes are many and complex. And each case is different.
My DD works on a mental health unit and often has suicidal patients but with the most suitable drug regimes and support they usually recover well.
Allowing people to talk is so important. Especially the quiet ones.
All best wishes to anyone feeling low.

Such a tragic end to a life, and at the risk of sounding trivial, thank you to those of you who have shared your dreadful experience of suicide within your family, it leaves such unanswered questions for those left behind. Annie, I remember well when you told us of your DD, I can't believe it was over 6 years ago

My dad's best friend committed suicide. He had rekindled a relationship with someone he loved years ago but she was now married. She went out with him for several months but then decided to stay in her marriage and ended their relationship. My dad called at his house to check on him and see if he was OK - but it was too late sadly.

I’m sorry but have I missed something? Has it been announced that this was suicide? All I have seen is a statement saying that he died from a traumatic head wound and a gun was found nearby. Isn’t there a chance that this was an accident? He wouldn’t be the first person to forget to de-chamber a shotgun before cleaning it.

My brother was in the public eye too, (but obviously not a member of the royal family). He hung himself in 1999 and I will never get over it, I will never know "why", and I still can't forgive him for leaving his young children like that. It ruined my dad's remaining life - he blamed himself. I also blamed myself for not being able to protect him, and for having no clue that he was struggling. I now worry constantly about my children and nieces and nephew and the grandchildren and if they display any similar "family" character traits (which, of course they all do!) I worry even more.
My heart goes out to Lady Gabriella and the Kingston family. Their lives, like mine, will never be the same.