It really gets up my goat!

... a cleaner Greatnan

You have

Correct pronunciation v dialect.

I say a*l*mond too, but don't pronounce the 'l' in alms. It depends what dialect you speak. I don't pronounce the 'oop' in up north, but nether do I say 'op' which many southern people say. I love our language - it's endlessly fascinating.

ah-muhnd

My cleaner got an enormous letter.
I am puzzled about the pronunciation of almond without the 'l'.
I say all-mond. What else would it be - awe-mond?

Like it ! . Brings back memories !

An Induction course at work- my colleague said, "come on we've got to go and be induced."

Ordinal? Original!

She was called Ethel and she was ordinal pure Black Country. She used to look after 'her Doctors' really well when we came in and wouldn't let anybody else serve us!
A bit better than the kitchen porter at the hospital I did my preregistration jobs in.
One day lunch was very late. He apologised saying 'sorry lunch is late, I had to wait for a body to come into the mortuary!'
It was liver for lunch!

I love that waitress!

In Australia, Abbot who said something like he was not the suppository of all wisdom.

"Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008

Misuse of "infer" when meaning "imply" always irritates!

I remember trying to keep a straight face when in my first post a patient said 'I've had this knee for a long time'!!

A waitress in a pub in wednesbury who also asked 'do you lot want the thick or the mine strone doctors?'
This was at our Monday monthly lunches where the choice was always brown Windsor or minestrone soup

People who say 'I've come with my stomach/heart/leg etc' also ones who state that they've got blood pressure! (I'd be worried if they hadn't)

Advocados. The envirolment. Statellites

DH's uncle phoenix

Our manager tells us that new volunteers have to be accreditated before they can work on their own and that the rules are quite pedantic about that.

In the firing line. Those are the people who have the guns, i.e. firing squad. If you are in trouble, you are in the line of fire.

I also sigh when people say prevaricate but mean procrastinate. Prevaricate is being evasive – just this side of lying – while procrastinate means to put off doing something. Similarly coruscate – to sparkle either literally or figuratively – and excoriate – to criticise harshly (figuratively).

Lovely contributions, many thanks!

I think that we all know someone who either mispronounces words or uses the wrong one.
(KatyK I too had a friend who said Panasonic when meaning panoramic, also told me about a fish in Egypt that is so poisonous that if you even touched it's utensils you would be ill, believed in mahogany, and swore that her spare glasses made her look like Dave Haemorrhage !)

And of course little ones words and phrases are often so charming and/or funny!

goose a bit like "Play it again Sam"?

Right now the things getting "up my goat" are the mis-quoted sayings, I even heard one on Radio 4 today, problem is, I can't remember what it was. I think I might have the beginning of that "Old Timers" disease. (Another favourite of the friend I mentioned)

Of course we could always stray into new territory (a long held Gransnet tradition) of either mixed metaphors or mangled sayings.

One of my personal favourites (and apologies in advance to those who might be offended) is "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"

Affect instead of effect, or the other way!

Oh YES * yogagran* haitching drives me mad, as does pronouncing the 'l' in almond!!

Access instead of excess when talking about insurance details

Petition instead of partition in buildings