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No - I am NOT an Xmas "Pity Project!"

(63 Posts)
Margs Thu 12-Dec-19 10:59:11

I've lived alone for many,many years and at this time of year it's always the same and I veer between bored or amused or angry or insulted.

Why?

There is usually an invitation from at least one of the neighbours to "Xmas dinner with us - you MUST be very lonely. Isn't it depressing being on your own especially at this time of the year?"

Well, no actually. I'm OK on my own and ESPECIALLY at this time of the year. Faux jollity doesn't do it for me and furthermore I don't think I was put on this earth to be treated like a sad pet just so you can bask in smug complacency and imagine you are doing your Christian Duty!

sodapop Sat 21-Dec-19 09:16:51

And then go back to being ignored for the rest of the year.

Persistentdonor Sat 21-Dec-19 09:23:29

Absolutely Sodapops, but I do have a strategy for Margs:

You could smile sweetly and decline, because you LIKE being on your own, and then explain that you would otherwise have made arrangements to go and help out at a care home/Sally Army etc etc for the day.

Hetty58 Sat 21-Dec-19 09:28:10

I agree too. It's the 'enforced happiness' of Christmas that I find depressing, at times. What's the message?

It's Christmas!
You must join in!
You WILL enjoy it!
You CAN'T be alone!

Well, I'm never allowed to be, so just have to go to one of the kids' places, slap on a smile, play with the grandkids, eat an enormous dinner etc. - it's compulsory you know! I find that Ibuprofen helps!

Hetty58 Sat 21-Dec-19 09:37:39

It's not about us. It's all about THEM. They just wouldn't 'feel right' - or be entirely happy - thinking of us, all alone.

People donate to the homeless shelter so nobody sleeps in the snow, give a charity toy to the poverty-stricken kids, feed the birds, drop something in the food-bank tub at the supermarket etc. - as it's Christmas! For the other 364 days of the year? Sod the lot of them!

Anniebach Sat 21-Dec-19 09:52:36

I think it rather sad you have such a low opinion of yourself,
you think you have been invited to make your neighbours feel
snug and not because they like you.

bingo12 Sat 21-Dec-19 10:26:07

I think it's important at Xmas not to be self-obsessed as to one's situation (unless homeless of course); not to over analyse whether one is being insulted or not by invitations and just to get through the day if you can't actually enjoy it.

mumofmadboys Sat 21-Dec-19 10:30:37

Perhaps you should go Margs. You may find you actually enjoy your neighbours company and have a fun day!

felice Sat 21-Dec-19 11:36:17

With me it is the constant asking if I am going 'home' for Christmas, my stock reply now is 'yes I will be AT home for Christmas'.
Last Sunday I was asked again twice, now I have lived here for more than 25 years and I live in the family home(own Granny flat).
I gave my stock reply and was asked how I was getting there, driving or flying(Scotland from Belgium). I said we will get the tram or walk, oh that is nice said Woman. I just walked away, a friend was trying not to laugh next to me. Duh.

inkcog Sat 21-Dec-19 16:23:45

Hetty, what a wonderous and refreshing attitude.

sodapop Sat 21-Dec-19 16:34:27

One can get through the day on one's own quite successfully I would have thought Bingo12

M0nica Sat 21-Dec-19 17:33:34

If you are invited and would rather not, just thank people with a smile and say, that without intending to be ungracious, you prefer to be alone with your memories on Christmas day.

Goodwill all round and good neighbours who think kindly of you in case at any time you really do have to ask their help in an emergency.

Oldandverygrey Sat 21-Dec-19 17:37:28

I have asked my elderly widowed neighbour if she would like to spend Christmas day with us for years now, and she has always politely declined. I hope she didn't think we asked her because it is our Christian duty.