Things you CANNOT do

Pull your socks up even though I’m not wearing any

Be a monkey's uncle.
Cut off you nose to spite your face.

Cut the atmosphere with a knife

Work your arse off.

(noise related) you'll wake the dead.

Turn a blind eye.
Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.

As you can see, I'm getting carried away with this. Love this post Phoenix.

Make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Eat until you pop.

eat crusts to make your hair curl

drive a coach and horses through it;

been to hell and back;

spitting tacks/ feathers;

I was beside myself.

Eat your heart out

For Scots- hud yer wheesht. I am not too sure about the spelling of the last word.

For others- hold your breath

Run after one and catch two.

My mum used to tell us to do this if we were bored.

Your eyes were bigger than your belly.

(When you put too much food on your plate and couldn’t eat it all)

A watched kettle never boils.

Bob's your uncle.. Unless you just happen to have an uncle called Bob.

"Eat your dinner up" - surely it has to go down?
"Button your lip" - a bit painful I think?
"Wear your heart on your sleeve" - also a bit painful!

Shiver your timbers

Do anything ten or even nineteen to the dozen!

Sit down and sit up! As teachers used to say to me.

Turn in the grave

Burnt to a cinder

Sorry to be literal, but I can haud ma wheest. I can also think of quite a lot of things, gateposts for instance that I could drive a horse and cart through and lots of others that can be burnt to a cinder.

I am really enjoying this thread.

Anyone able to jump out of their skin, or over the moon for joy?

My mother used to tell us to haud your wheesht when she wanted us to stop talking.

Put the cart before the horse.

Beat yourself up.
Have your jaw on the floor with shock.
Meet yourself coming back.
Have your head up your arse physically impossible I would think
Have green fingers.
Melt down.