In laws nasty when we took our new dog round. We didn't expect them to ask the dog inside.

What the OP saw as rudeness might not have been actually rude. Suppose, for instance, he'd just said: "The puppy wasn't invited".

One doesn't turn up to invitation events with uninvited people so why would one do it with dogs?

I took my new puppy with me one time when I visited family. The lady of the house greeted me with a face that looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Often people offend because they react to something that is going on in their own psyches. Maybe your brother in law was over burdened with some trouble you cannot know about.

Maybe someone had just been murdered in your brother in law's house or maybe his wife had just said she was leaving him, and he was unbalanced. There has to be some reason for actual rudeness.
A reasonable and polite brother in law might have said " I love all dogs but I love my new carpets even more".
Me, I have never regretted giving up carpets.

Jane That is the parallel to what some people expect "dog-lovers" to extend to every dog in creation.

Dog lovers really shouldn’t assume that their pooch is welcome without asking first. I have never had anyone bring a dog to my place, if we go out it stays at home in the kitchen I do like dogs but recognize that some others don’t

Elegran. !

The "dog-lovers" who have replied with amazement at the in-laws' reaction don't really get it, do you?

He once had a dog of the same breed as this one - but this was not it. This was a new dog, whose personality and level of manners he didn't know. The dog wasn't expected, so he cidn't know whether she could be trusted - perhaps there was a low coffee table loaded with tempting goodies for the invited visitors, and glaases of bubbly? Perhaps there was a pile of fragile wrapped presents on the floor inder the Christmas tree? Perhaps there was a new long-pile white carpet?

Every dog is different, and this one was an unknown, and uninvited. He doesn't need to be some kind of monster to be unimpressed to be expected to suddenly have her march in to be adored. However much he had loved his own pet, there is no law that says he must instantly love this one.

I loved my dear departed husband - but I wouldn't throw my arms around every man who rang my doorbell and invite him in for a tummy-rub.

One of you could have stood well back, even on the pavement/by the gate, with the dog making it clear that you weren't expecting to be invited in. You don't actually have to say anything to communicate your intentions but you do have to communicate clearly. From what you said, it appears you didn't.

Re your last sentence about not wanting to see these inlaws again and what you call the in-laws' rudeness, I've a suspicion they don't want to see you and your husband either. Call it quits and back off, especially with the dog, for a while.

I like dogs too but would be annoyed if someone turned up at the door with one. You know you were going to take him/her home but your BiL isn't a mind reader so instantly jumped to the conclusion that you were expecting to be asked in.
Communication is a two way thing. You should have phoned first to discuss your plans.

Someone else once having a dog isnt an unending open invitation to yours! Its not difficult to ask first. Even if they CURRENTLY have a dog you still ask first. Their dog may not be social. Their mobility/balance may have decreased and they now get scared of falling when theres strange dogs at their feet etc.
They might have replaced hard floors with carpets now that they dont have a dog themselves

Or they might just not like it. Because its rude. I like dogs but I dont like entitled dog owners. I wouldnt like a dog visit that wasnt run by me first!

Nontana2, yes it does sound like they only liked their dog - which to me, seems very strange! But hey ho, it takes all sorts. ?

Oh for goodness sake, I am sorry, but if your relative had had a dog, they obviously like dogs

No it doesn't! It means they liked their dog.

I can understand you feeling hurt and upset. I think it was nasty of them, especially as you explained you were happy to take your new dog home.

In times of stress, a dog can be a great comfort and I think your brother in law was rude and lacking in empathy. I don't think I'd want to see him again either, especially if this is typical of his behaviour. You are already distressed about your Mum and such nastiness at this time is, I think, unacceptable. I hope you can enjoy some peace and relaxation during the Christmas period.

Shame the BIL had to be offensive. Easy enough to just say that they don’t want Dogs in the house. It’s not as if taking the dog home was going to be a problem. Is he normally grouchy and rude or was this an exception?

I do not understand people who have to take their dog with them absolutely everywhere. I am not a dog lover as you can gather. However, I think it is bad manners to turn up at anyone's door with your pet in tow. Ive been at parties where folk have turned up with their dogs, (not prearranged either). It's getting ridiculous now.

Same here Curlywhirly!

Oh for goodness sake, I am sorry, but if your relative had had a dog, they obviously like dogs, so I can't understand why they would object to you turning up with your own dog (a dog which is the same breed as their own dog no less). I can't fathom why they would object (if they didn't like dogs, well, fair enough, but they had one of their own previously, so were obviously dog-lovers). Sorry, but just seems weird to me! If you are a dog-lover, why would you possibly be annoyed when another dog-lover arrives at your house with their dog?!!!!! As, a dog-lover myself, I'd be thrilled!!

If I had a new (and possibly excitable) dog with me when we were invited to someone's house, I would phone them first before turning up on the doorstep with the dog in tow. If they then felt that they were happy to see the dog too, thet would be fine. If they seemed at all hesitant, she would be left at home. She could be introduced to them at some other time, when things were not so exciting. Better for everyone, including the dog.

Not everyone is happy to have a dog they don't know well appear without warning, particularly at this time of year when they might be cooking something. They could have been a bit more gracious about it, but they probably think that you could have been more thoughtful and phoned first - six of one and half-a-dozen of the other?

Don't fall out with them over it. If that is the worst thing that ever happens between you, you don't have much to worry about.

We hadn't expected to take our dog in our in laws house
Yet you were stood on their doorstep with arms full of presents! Of course he assumed you intended to come in!

If you live so near you could have easily dropped the dog home first THEN asked if they wanted you to go back and get it. Or call and say "we're passing with new dog, would you like to meet it or shall we drop it home first" It's not hard to just ask first!

We hadn't expected to take our dog in our in laws house. This is what I tried to explain to my brother in law. Our house is one hundred yards away and my husband planned to take our dog home, and then proceed with the visit. My husband's sister will not walk up the road on her own to see us, being elderly - won't go anywhere without her husband, and also reluctant to leave her house with anxiety problems.
But thank you for all your responses and support.

I agree notanana I would be very displeased if someone just turned up at my house with a dog. When will people learn that not everyone shares their preoccupation with dogs.

Oh dear. Can imagine how upset you were. New dog sounds gorgeous and am sure will bring you joy. DH is same though. We had a dog , now long gone and he really doesn’t want them in the house now.

I’m sure it was a misunderstanding, however BIL did sound brusque if not rude, miserable sod.

Enjoy your first Christmas with your wonderful new dog and put this out of your mind. I hope your mum recovers soon

Merry Xmas xxx

Just because someone has had their own dog in the past does not mean they should be assumed to be fine with other dogs being brought round.

We love dogs and will usually say yes if asked.
If not asked we will not be impressed at all!

Emotions and stress run high some times, Christmas being one of the worse times. Don't let this spoil your relationship with family, perhaps if your husband had rang to check with his sister first it could have been avoided. However it's done, you can't undo the upset or your brother in laws rude over-reaction. Maybe your husband could speak with his sister and either invite her for a walk with the dog one day soon or invite them to you . That way your new dog isn't in someone else's home and won't be stressed by new surroundings and people and they can get to see her at her best. Put it down to a shock for brother in law and give him a chance to redeem himself, if he's still rude then ignore him and enjoy your dog and Christmas

If someone came to my door with presents I would assume they wanted to be invited in, and if they arrived with a dog without messaging ahead to ask that would be nipped in the bud fairly swiftly.

Cant you see the flip side?