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How long does pet loss grief last?

(89 Posts)
MommaP Tue 31-Dec-19 10:59:36

Any advice?

Had to have our rescue lab Marley put to sleep Friday night before Christmas. Very sudden but totally right thing to do but a giant black lab shaped hole in my life. Am very emotional still - I got call his ashes are ready to collect and I'm a blubbering mess again.... I know life will get better eventually

Foxglove77 Wed 01-Jan-20 12:32:35

Our lovely family dog was put to sleep at home on my lap after he suddenly lost the use of his back legs. He had liver problems too so I made the decision for him not to suffer. I had a silver pendant made with a pawprint and his name on. I wore it every day and just touching it gave me some comfort.

My saddest time was last April when I had my beloved pony put to sleep. She was 32 and I bought her as a small foal. I was with her when she had her final injection.

It's so hard to lose a pet but as time goes past it fades to happy memories.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 01-Jan-20 12:35:17

I grieve for most of the year when I lose a pet.

Obviously, my grief is worst to start off with and I know exactly how you feel right now.

In the course of the first year after losing a pet, I begin to be able to talk to others about the lost pet without breaking down in tears, but often feel like having a wee weep when by myself.

As time goes on, it gets better and I find a can remember all the good times without a lump in my throat.

4allweknow Wed 01-Jan-20 12:49:35

A loved pet will be sorely missed and you should allow yourself to have moments and not feel guilty. My last dog died 3 years ago and yet I still think I see her in certain circumstances. I do at times feel I want another dog but practically being busy with GC I know it wouldn't be the best idea.

Mealybug Wed 01-Jan-20 13:28:06

Sorry for your loss, there's no time limit on grief especially when you lose a much loved family pet. Pip had to be pts in August due to a ruptured gall bladder, she wouldn't have made it through the night, she was 12 years old. I still cry now when I think of her and her loving nature, her picture is on my computer so I see her every morning when I switch on. I still have her ashes because I want to keep her near to me. On Sunday I will welcome 4 year old Mona, another Border Terrier to keep my little whippet company, who has missed Pip so much. She was a rescue and Pip welcomed her into our home 8 years ago. These little brown dogs certainly steal your heart xx

Alexa Wed 01-Jan-20 13:33:24

You never get over a bereavement when you have loved. You would not even want to get over your loss.

Use your grief wisely.

Rosina Wed 01-Jan-20 13:44:49

People who have never known the devotion and unconditional love of a dog cannot appreciate that they are woven in and out of the fabric of your life, and the hole they leave is so painful. When our dear mongrel died some years ago we took on another almost at once - there was an 'orphaned' dog and it had nowhere to go. I felt briefly disloyal but then thought that my dear old dog had been a selfless and true friend; she left nothing in the world's terms except perhaps a hope that I would offer a home and love to another of her kind. We have never regretted it for a moment, and I feel our latest dog is a tribute to her, as she enriched our lives so much that living without that faithful companionship would be a life lacking in what is important.

3nanny6 Wed 01-Jan-20 13:48:29

Several tears rolling down my cheeks reading about everyone who has grieved over the loss of their family pets, I still have my two female dogs but the male one whose sister I still have completely out of character for him ran out of the park one evening and was hit fatally by a car not even a mark on him and I thought he was just stunned but a small gash on head showed he had been hit. I have his ashes in lovely casket it's been about five years now. He was just a legend such a big dog but a proper softie.
My brother lost his Yorkshire terrier three months ago she was seventeen he is coming to terms with it but behind the smile he is still grieving he went out and has now got two budgies in a cage he may get another dog but says he is getting too old to go through it all again we will have to see

rebbonk Wed 01-Jan-20 13:57:19

I lost my Japanese Akita two years ago, a couple of days before his 4th birthday. Even though I now have another dog (Belgian Mali') I still hurt about the Akita.

I've had other dogs that I've not grieved over as bad, but I think that's because they lived very long lives. The Akita's life was very short and I think that's part of why I still hurt.

In answer to your question, take as long as you need, take each day as it comes and things will get better. - We're all different. Do it your own way and don't let anyone rush you.

Take care.

f77ms Wed 01-Jan-20 14:10:26

So sorry to hear about your dog. It's very early days and I expect you will feel sad for weeks or months to come. I lost my two cats this year, one in March and one in October so fully understand how upsetting it is and I can say I will not forget them but just get used to their absence in my life. I cried buckets too, it's alright to be upset because they become your family. A few days ago I went to the local shelter and adopted two 5 month old kittens and will give them the best life possible. Let yourself grieve for your lovely dog xx

Nightsky2 Wed 01-Jan-20 14:59:58

MommaP.

I’m so sorry and I do know how you feel. It is totally heartbreaking. Not since my father died when I was still a teenager did I cry so much when my Sam was pts over 4 years ago now. I cried everywhere I went, in the shops, in the car. I think about him almost every day but I don’t cry anymore, I just remember all the lovely times we had with him and all the times be behaved like a little b.....stealing people’s food on the beach. Diving into someone’s tent and running off with a brown paper bag in his mouth which the owner informed me had a bread roll in it after he took a swipe at his backside with his book?. Once he cocked his leg over someone’s trainers as we walked on the beach and cocked his leg again over the same pair of trainers about 2 hours later on the way back. The memories are there with us and make us howl. I have his ashes on a shelf in the kitchen along with our first dog and our cat so he’s got company. I have a 13 1/2 year old dog who is the sweetest little dog and who has never been the same since we lost Sam.
You will feel terribly sad for a long time but it does get better. Cry as much as you like,he was your beautiful Labrador and you’re going to miss him terribly. ??.

Mommawolf Wed 01-Jan-20 15:07:40

DRIVERANN your post horrified me no vet should ever euthanas without consulting the owner and giving them the chance to be there and say goodbye i am so angry the final goodbye is a big part of the grief journey .he or she should be shot. MOMMAP my thoughts are with you I have allways found twilight and the teatime walk time the most difficult part of the day. Don't hold back the tears we are all with you.

Patsy429 Wed 01-Jan-20 15:16:02

It's so difficult isn't it? My DH was heartbroken after our little Jack Russell died at a good old age but left a deep hole in our hearts. I saw an advert for an artist who specialised in painting animals so contacted her. She did a lovely oil painting of our pet and I presented it to my DH on his birthday. He then cried but I think he was pleased really!

GrAnne2 Wed 01-Jan-20 15:35:33

I do empathise hugely. We’ve had 2 pairs of Labs over the last 25 years and only have one at the moment, her sister having gone missing completely inexplicably during a regular woodland walk in November. We searched everywhere for weeks - took & followed every shred of advice given - and yet, no trace of her has been found. I’ve been upset every day since as we were so closely bonded and rarely apart for more than a few hours. Having lost 2 of my Labs to old age/ ill health 10 years ago, may I counsel you to be glad that you have the assurance of knowing your dog is at rest - ‘don’t cry because it’s over, be glad because it happened’. I thought I could never replace my first 2 dogs, but after a couple of months, we took on 2 pups and never looked back. The tragedy is the depth of our love for our companion animals - the joy is the unparalleled privilege of experiencing their devoted love in return. I hope you’ll be able to consider a new dog to share your life with soon (never a ‘replacement’ though).

LoisH Wed 01-Jan-20 15:50:57

Our dear little 10 year old rescue tabby cat Frankie had a stroke before Christmas - all very sudden and so in the same situation, he had to be put to sleep. It all happened so unexpectedly and feel so sad and emotional - I completely understand and empathise with you.
I have just made up a book of photos of him, from a little kitten onwards and it has been a lovely way to look through the pages and remember all the happy times with him!

crazyfam Wed 01-Jan-20 16:36:20

hi i have loved and lost so many cats and dogs. I can only go on with life when i get another one. They are all different but we love them. I am sure they give me more than my family does.

Gabigirl Wed 01-Jan-20 19:14:38

MommaP - embrace the memory of your precious Angel- I cried more over the passing of my precious Golden than I did a close family member- your emotion is completely understandable and a symbol if how precious your Angel was to you- let them fly in peace ???

lindadoughty650 Thu 02-Jan-20 15:24:14

Have had several pets that I've loved and lost. But, for my special "soul cat" Winston I will miss him for the rest of my life.

PernillaVanilla Thu 02-Jan-20 15:37:20

So sorry for your loss, MommaP. It took me a long time to get over the death of our last Staffie, Butch, 2 1/2 years ago. WE decided to get another rescue dog recently and collected the lovely Skye from rescue remedies in Gatwick just before Christmas. We already love Skye a great deal but it has brought back sad memories of losing Butch, not helped by finding his spotted collar in the attic and Facebook throwing up the pictures we took 7 years ago when he arrived - he was a very handsome chap.
So, I'm another one who never totally gets over it. When I dwell on Butch I also think about the other dogs we have owned, I'm not religious but it would be so good if they were all there waiting at Rainbow Bridge to join me ....

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 18:05:31

To me...losing an animal is akin to loosing anyone else that matters to you. You NEVER forget....time just makes it easier to remember.

A year ago on 12th January I lost my wonderful mum. In April I lost my lifelong friend and in May I lost my beautiful cat, Duke. The pain I felt for all was indescribable! Anyone who said...but surely a cat? was shouted down! I loved them all!

Also lost dogs in past and couldn't face getting another for years as couldn't stand the pain. Even my dad, when he lost his amazing Golden Retriever, stood there saying "I am crying more for him than my parents, I don't know why?" ALL dog owners will know why!

Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. When the time is right you will get another which will not 'replace' just enhance your life. WE ALL know what you are feeling. Love and hugs x

Carooline Sun 05-Jan-20 09:16:45

I know exactly how you are feeling and it is heartbreaking, you know what I did... I adopted a rescue dog. It was the best thing I could have done. It didn't mean I forgot about my lovely Coco but it meant I was giving a much needed home to another, he it turns out is wonderful, a lovely and loving staffy and we adore each other.
Coco still lives in my heart ❤️.

Rio24 Sun 26-Jan-20 11:09:46

I too had to have my 5 year old gsp PTS on 20th dec 2019. She was under sedation after xrays showed lymphoma all over her lungs. My sorrow is that I didn’t have chance to say goodbye. In fact I’m sobbing my heart out now! She was human in more ways than one! When does this grief stop. I’ve been through this before with a 12 year old pointer but never felt as bad as this! Sorry for your loss I truly feel for you! ?

ananimous Wed 29-Jan-20 13:19:36

So sorry for your loss.

It does get easier with time, but you always carry them in your heart, and never stop missing them.

That they had the most spoiled, loved, and indulgent long life gives me some comfort.

GranOf4Monkeys Tue 09-Jun-20 09:47:21

I think it always hurts, I lost my beloved Jack Russell cross a few years ago and I still have dreams that hurt every now and then but we adopted not long after as the house felt too empty. It's what he would have wanted us to do so I've never felt bad about it. It does fill the whole and I love Alfie with all my heart. It'll break me when his time is up.

It never truly goes away it just gets easier.

Sparklefizz Tue 09-Jun-20 09:52:42

I still cry over much-loved pets who have long gone, often before their time, even though I have had a wonderful affectionate little cat for 6 years now. She and I grieved together when her brother was run over.

As others have said, you just learn to live with it.

Alexa Tue 09-Jun-20 09:55:10

The grief last for ever but you learn to pay less attention to it. I agree; get another sweet dog to love. I understand specialist rescues are still providing. My daughter in law has just got a lurcher from a specialist rescue and will soon be getting whippet from the same people.