Friends that depress you!

not with it tonight. Early bed I think!

[green]

I have witnessed bullying on another site, which I decided to leave when posters were open about ignoring a member, and insulting about members from another site. If they had just engaged in challenging discussion and been clear that they disagreed I would have had some respect for them. I left and told the managers of the site why I wanted no part in such a culture of bullying.

I like Gransnet because we can have rigorous discussions and agree on some things, but not others. If one person makes a statement someone else doesn't like, they can say so. It's not personal and we have a code of conduct. We don't have to contribute to threads we aren't interested in, or don't enjoy. I have a day or two off when I feel it's getting too heated. I'm here for entertainment and chat, and I learn lots of new things all the time.

I'm off out for the evening, to meet friends for a Thai meal. See you all tomorrow

If you disagree with someone, you are bullying them. If you ignore someone, you are bullying them. Other than agreeing with everything everybody says, how can we avoid the charge of bullying?

Well, if that is the definition I have certainly been bullied! However, I don't feel like a victim and I am not asking for sympathy. I choose to take part in controversial discussions, so I expect others to disagree with me. If several disagree, I don't assume they are in cahoots, or in some sort of clique. It just means that several people disagree with me - and it will usually be the same few people on certain threads, such as religion, which is to be expected. If several people agree with me, and say so, does that automatically mean we are bullying somebody?
I think we have some very sensitive members but it would be a shame if some of our most interesting debates had to be curtailed because somebody felt unhappy every time a few people disagreed with them.
I am told I am 'a strong personality' and 'very self confident' - oddly enough I have never considered those traits to be failings -in fact, if I had not been strong during these past twelve months I would probably have had a complete breakdown.
Where I do not feel confident, as on threads on sport, gardening, cooking, or art, I do not post.

I think bullying on a forum is when 2 or 3 band together and try to make nasty comments or ignore the unfortunate victim.

It is a shame but this does happen.

sorry I not really into this thread just responding to Greatnan comments.

I do think if I had a friend who pulled me down like that I would not spend much time with her, like you said if you already have problems you just do not need it,

we like to spend time with another couple who really make us laugh and feel good to be alive!!

I am never sure what makes somebody feel bullied on a forum - it surely can't be just because somebody else disagrees with them and says so? I have had a very large number of posts disagreeing with my views, but I haven't felt bullied - challenged, perhaps!
I do think it would be a good idea if people stopped bringing up what they call 'nastiness' from previous threads. That hardly makes for a pleasant atmosphere now.

gillybob {{{hug}}}

Ana of course you were. So was I.

Not familiar with that thread nanadogsbody . As I said previously I tend to stay away when the thread takes a turn for the worst . There's nothing wrong with having a strong opinion but sometimes they go too far and you can end up feeling bullied.

gillybob I really think it might be worth having a word with your GP who will surely know better than to treat you as a hysterical female. Hormones can be a right old nuisance unless they are put firmly in their place. You don't really have anything to lose and might well gain a bit of tranquillity and strength to cope with things (chauffeur service to the hospital, for example) that can't be treated by your GP.

I especially thought the 'hello and goodbye' post disgracefully childish.

I agree POGS and Ana I didn't take any offence at his comments. He probably did mean it as a bit of a joke and it will be a shame if he has been scared off. I agree that some threads can get quite nasty and I tend to stay well away when that happens now as have felt a wee bit "bullied" in the past.

absentgrana The thing is you end up getting taken advantage of don't you? My family would die of shock if they asked me to do something and I said no I can't or even worse no I don't want to !! I would love to have a little mini-meet with you and Glass as felt disappointed not to be able to make Edinburgh. I was considering a visit to my GP but didn't want to come across as a "hysterical female" who should jolly well pull herself together.

Thank you Ella46 can't remember when I last got any flowers. Would have to physically ask for some from husband which is not the same.

The funny thing is absentgrana is that he was probably dead right I am emotionally bonkers !! I do think he thought it was a funny, witty comment and choose not to think he was being in any way malicious ...... time will tell if he dares to come back.

I didn't interpret his posts in that way, absent, and was just stating my opinion.

gillybob I'm sending loving vibes to you from a sunny Kintyre. Stay with us. We're rooting for you.

Ana The "emotionally bonkers" comment did horribly trivialise gillybob's feelings and it was certainly pretty stupid to say something like that when, as a newcomer, he could have no idea of gillybob's personality or what has been going on in her life. It's the sort of tiresome straw-that-breaks thing that has been known to tip someone into overdosing or taking some other drastic course of action. It was also extremely arrogant to suggest that he was introducing compassion to Gransnet unless you really think everyone is completely selfish and uncaring. I don't think he was so much shot down in flames as that he shot himself in the foot.

gillybob be kind to yourself xxxx

I do think he was trying to be helpful with his suggestion about sorting through gillybob's problems - he wasn't to know they're not the sort of things that can be tidied away like that. As for the 'bonkers' bit, it was probably meant to be a joke, which makes me wonder whether he actually knows many women!

It is a shame when newcomers are shot down in flames before we've even got to know them, though. Often they don't come back.

gillybob I am also one of those people who, no matter how hard I try to say "no", the mouth spreads from round to wide and out comes the word "nyes". Perhaps life will ease a bit when your mum comes out of hospital – in the near future, I hope. If so, perhaps you'll take up glass's offer of coffee and maybe I could join you both too (I didn't get to Edinburgh either). It does sound as though your hormones aren't helping anything, so maybe a word with your GP might be helpful. Also, the best I can suggest is not to do anything that doesn't absolutely have to be done in order to give yourself as much of a break as possible at this trying time. Take care.

Stansgran

Thoughtful words in my opinion. He/she hardly came close to the nastiness that can and does develop on other threads. I guess it will take Daman a lot of courage to try again.

crimson

I too could give up most things but not my cuppa.

No. Mine was meant to be brutal! Having said that, I've a great interest in the Buddhist way of life and would greatly welcome Daman to discuss it with us . A lifestyle that I would like to follow if it didn't mean giving up tea and coffee. Everything else I can give up, but not my .

I think Daman 's profile explains some things-he says he tries a buddhist lifestyle which is contemplation and meditation and obviously has been of use to him. I find that some posts have come out as brutal in reply to him although they may not have been intended as such and perhaps a soft answer would be a greater education for him.

Thank you all for the lovely, kind and sensible messages. I am amazed that this forum is full of such caring people.

I was really disappointed not to make the Edinburgh trip and had planned to come along until my mum got taken into hospital. Sadly I am the only person with transport who can ferry my dad, sister and grandma (96) backwards and forwards. My son drives but only has a works van which not a great deal of use and my husband spends most of his time at work as we have a small engineering business which is not doing very well at all at the minute. Its not a good time to be in business and especially Engineering.

My problem is that I try to keep everyone happy and just can't say no as feel so very guilty. I have always been the strong one and the one that sorts everyone else's problems out but find it impossible to ask for help for myself.

I think perhaps I am a bit over hormonal or something at the minute as I can feel the menopause looming.......

Love to you all.

I've still got some of mine but unfortunately they are the wrong ones!