I visited my Mum today!!

Just had a text from my older brother who was told to 'S** off' - the tablets 'to take the edge off her irritability' don't seem to be working

She sounds as though she is a lady of some spirit!

Kittylester x10 Woodbine

My mum tells everybody what an enormous baby I was - I was 8 lbs.

When I went to stand on the draining board so that I could clean the inside of the kitchen window, she ordered me to get down as I would break the draining board.

Her friend gave her some size 16 jumpers. Mum said "Fancy giving me those, they're much too big. They might fit you though". (I'm a size 12).

When mum was staying with us over Christmas I reminded her to ring her friend as she is on her own (her husband died twenty years ago and she has no children). Part of mum's conversation went like this:

"Oh, what a shame Doreen."
......................

"That's awful, Doreen. Sometimes you wonder about people".
...........................

"Really - and they know you're not well."

etc., etc.

After she'd put the phone down, I asked what the problem was. Doreen apparently had had a very nasty cold over Christmas and she thought that some of her elderly friends were avoiding her in case they caught it (not all together unreasonable, I thought).

Well, never mind, I said. When you go back next week, you can pop in and see her.

"Oh no!", says mum, "I don't want to go there and pick up her cold. You can't be too careful at my age".

Eloethan that reminds me of DH's Aunt, who was, as usual berating her sister (DH's mum). She told us that M had phoned her in a terrible state during a thunderstorm, and that M (the silly old bat) had drawn the curtains, switched off the TV, put all the cutlery, fire irons etc. in a cupboard and then sat in the dark, on the stairs, scared that the lightening would come down the chimney. The Aunt was very indignant about this call, so I suggested that it was nice that her sister had turned to her for comfort - Aunt replied that her sister was, as always, only interested in herself and her stupid fears and obviously never considered that Aunt had to come out of the cupboard under the stairs to answer the phone.

Oh Grans you have to laugh

Today, I was told not to come back as I am a little s**t. I can't help wondering - what next? Xx

Kittyis you mother further down the senile dementia route than you realise? My elderly neighbour started using language in old age that he would never have used "in real life" very hard to ignore from your own mother. So awful for you.

I think you may be correct Stansgran. Mum is currently in a Dementia Unit being assessed and they are trying out some tablets to take the edge off her irritability.

I suppose when I started this thread it was somewhere to offload, because it can be upsetting, but also to have a bit of a giggle considering Mum was so prim and proper before she became ill.

She told me today that she hadn't seen Dad for months 'since he went of with that w***e' which I fond very upsetting as Dad was very patient with Mum and her pretensions and has been dead nearly 30 years.

Mum and I have had a tricky relationship and it is sad to realise that we will never, now, have a better one.

Hey ho!

kitty

kitty

for you kitty, I've just read this thread for the first time, it must be so difficult for you to see the changes in your Mum. I have friends who have had similar experiences with parents, it was extremely upsetting for them. It sounds as though your sense of humour will help you through.

Sense of humour is the key! Glad you're managing to keep it.

kitty you have the patience of a saint. The worst of it is that your mum doesn't, and is unlikely ever to, appreciate you. .

kitty my MIL used to do that and my DH found the perfect solution - the care home had a visitors book and whenever he visited (2/3 times a week) he signed in. Then when she accused him of not visiting he had his proof! It didn't really matter, but it used to rile him when she talked about him to others saying that he neglected her.

Just a little update on my Mum.

I went to see her today and she was lovely While she has been in the dementia unit they have started her on some tablets to 'take the edge off her irritability' and they are working. They are working so well, in fact, that she is being assessed with a view to going into a 'proper' home.

Our ongoing complaint about the first home she was in is being taken seriously because they have received so many other complaints.

Things are looking up but I won't hold my breath

kitty that is good news - you deserve a bit of .

Oh gosh Kitty sounds like you've turned a corner and heading for a proper mother/daughter relationship!

That sounds positive, kitty. My mum has also improved now she is getting the right care. It pays to complain and complain and complain, no matter how unpopular you become.

I'm really glad to hear that kitty. It's been a long hard slog to get your mum the care she deserves to have.

Thank you all. The NHS has done a great job. Hope everything continues to run smoothly.

Glad things have improved for your mum merlot

NFK not much ope of that really, we never did have and she hasn't got much memory left to think like that. But, at least, she's stopped telling me to f* off.

The home that my Dad has finally gone to has got exactly the right approach. They deal with everything with calm good humour and, I would have to say, love. They are very warm in their approach and the whole place is like a real home, not a residential home - we are all so lucky. If a problem arises they get on with it calmly and respectfully.

It is quite scruffy though and maybe that is why we managed to get a place, as some people would be looking for the slick externals rather than the underlying warmth.

I'm so glad things have worked out so well for your dad. It's a great relief when you know they're well cared for. My mum is getting increasingly frail but her medication has got her stabilised, she's as comfortable as she can be, and no longer away with the fairies. Her carers too are good humoured and gentle and she's getting to know several of them quite well and I now feel we can go away next week without worrying all the time.

(Still no progress on Continuing Care, but higher rate Attendance Allowance is sorted)

Mishap The home sounds lovely. You're right - kindness and good humour are much more important than fancy decor.

Good news Dumpling - I hope that you have a lovely break.

We have been granted continuing care funding for the weeks when Dad was at home and so disturbed. Quite rightly he no longer qualifies, as a combination of a suitable drug and a caring environment have taken him out of the "behaviour" category where he scored so highly. I think it is a fair decision and plan to accept this on Dad's behalf.