Decision made

Nina sounds like good advice here. I'd just like to give you a ((hug)) and some . It's very hard isn't it? Maybe your Sil and mine (aka The Idiot) are brothers!

I'd just add that when my daughter was initiating divorce proceedings, her solicitor told her NOT to change the locks.

I can understand why she just wants out - so she can draw a line under it all. Unfortunately it does not always work out like that and she really does need some sound advice to help her decide what best to do. Staying put is the right legal advice, but getting out might be a way of avoiding the children witnessing any aggro.

Dragonfly, I just thought he might change the locks to be just plain bloody-minded awkward.

I may be wrong about this but it is my understanding that if it is a joint tenancy, he can't just change the locks and think 'that's it, she's out' - I think she may even be able to get the police to regain access for her to the home.

Yes Holly, that is right, but it could cause a lot more angst and trouble in front of the children if he did. He probably won't do that, it was just a thought, something to be aware of. People don't always behave in a rational manner.

Thank you everyone. You have raised some issues we hadn't even thought of. I will talk to DD in the morning.

If DD decides to move out and is making sure that she has passports and photos, also make sure to take original birth certificates and marriage certificate so that she doesn't have to pay to get copies (which she will need). Also maybe all bank account details. Maybe even a wee withdrawal or two to have some cash before moving. Maybe half of any accounts with a credit balance - Am I going too far here ?? In case he tries to not tell all that he actually has when it comes to sorting/agreeing financial care for the children. Get details of any insurances.

Also, although DD may up sticks and leave, there is also the situation that he made it so unpleasant that she could not stay, i.e. she left for the sake of the children and for the benefit of her own mental health.

If it comes to the matter of custody, there can be joint custody even though the children live with mum. Joint custody means that father is entitled to details from schools, GP, etc. etc.
Depending on the age of the children, they have a say in what they want or don't want, including when it comes to daddy visits.

At times like this it is not a case of what she wants to do or would like to do but what she needs to do to protect herself and the children.

What she needs to do is to see a solicitor first thing Monday morning, explain the situation and get legal action under way asap. With the roof remaining over her children's head so that their lives can continue as normally as possible under the circumstances, she can then think about the future.

If he demands entrance to collect his possessions, she must make sure she has somebody, preferably male when he visits.

^ Maybe half of any accounts with a credit balance - Am I going too far here ?? In case he tries to not tell all that he actually has when it comes to sorting/agreeing financial care for the children.^

Excellent advice. When my husband and I separated, I didn't even think of that and he cleared all the bank accounts out and routed the money in through different accounts in different countries - and he kept it all.