Decision made

The last thing she should do is leave the marital home and/or part with any possessions in the home regardless of who paid for them. If he is issuing orders, she needs to consult an advocate immediately before she loses out.

That's what we told her but she just wants to get away She's sleeping on the sofa and can't stand to be in the same room.

I agree, she should seek legal advice asap! He shouldn't be giving her orders, and the children's welfare should come first.

Financial arrangements should be sorted out too.

I can understand how she feels but she needs to sit firmly in the family home. If your daughter gets custody of the children, she won't need the added responsibility of finding somewhere else to live, furnishing the place and sorting out the move, uprooting the children from their home and everything that is familiar to them at a time when they must be feeling confused and worried already. This is the time she has to put the childrens' feelings first and bite down on her anger and resentment. The worst thing she could do is walk out of their home.

Daughter should see a solicitor on Monday, ask for an Emergency Occupation Order. Solicitor might get the Application for the Order into Court the same day i.e. an emergency. This may only be granted for 2 weeks/ 4 weeks ?? This will entitle DD and DC to stay in house while solicitor sorts out the situation. Will she qualify for Legal Aid.
She should stay in the house.
Has DSIL shown behaviour that would deem him impossible to live with? Ideally she wants to be granted an Occupational Order together with an Order that DSIL leaves the house.... if that was possible.

She has enough on her plate without leaving her home on his orders with nowhere to go and no furniture.

Don't let him get away with this. They are HIS children, not just hers. He has an obligation to do his share. Nag her to go at the very least to CAB and see what they say, even better to have her half hour with a lawyer who has experience of marital breakup.

It will be hard for her to do this, but even harder to cope alone with her children without any input at all from this louse.

Is he playing the old "I paid for the furniture" card? Well, she is entitled to half his money and half the contents of the home. If he won't contribute voluintarily, he needs a legal push. Just a stiff letter from a lawyer might do it. That kind of bully has more respect for male power than for female pliancy.

I'd say going away for a weekend with a girlfriend is pretty good evidence that he is impossible to live with.

Elegran I've been saying for years that I don't know how she put up with him. He's selfish, uncaring and a lot besides.
I will talk to her. She has an appointment Monday to see about housing benefit and a house viewing in the afternoon.
Thank you all.

HollyDaze he's told her he can't have the children living with him as he has to work. So I don't think custody will be a problem.
And if looking after them to him is glorified babysitting then I can't see him wanting much in the way of access either.
She says she feels no anger, she just doesn't feel anything anymore. They say you have to love someone for them to make you angry. To me that proves it's over.

Stupid thing is he's still suggesting counselling.

Who put him in charge, saying what she can and can't take? I'm sure, like most couples, purchases were made jointly.

She must see a solicitor and Coolgrans advice is good. I can understand that she 'just want to get out' but it will make things harder in the long run.
He needs to understand that the children are his responsibility too and that he will have to help support them financially even if he 's not bothered otherwise.
It sounds as if the only way this will happen is if it is dealt with legally.
This is such an unhappy time for your daughter, the children and for you. I know we have been through it with one of our daughters. The up side now is that she is happier than she has ever been but it takes time to work through it all.

I am speechless (almost) apart from saying I agree with the other posters and that your DD should heed coolgran's advice. She should NOT move out, the children do not need that disruption as they are already having enough disruption in their little lives.

Your DD will need your utmost support to help her be strong. If I could I would come over and pack his bags for him.

She should stay - and I really hope she has a good solicitor. I presume he is saying he won't pick up paying the rent is she stays - well, also get on to DHS. They always try to keep children in their home.

If she is away next weekend be careful he doesn't change the locks.

She could change the locks herself while he is away. Then she has possession of the house and furniture and he can whistle for it. But she does need to see the lawyer first so that whatever bullying tactics he uses, she is always being sweet and law-abiding.

He sounds as though he would make maximum capital out of anything she did that could have the least advantage to him in court.

Elegran, unless I've got it wrong, it's nina's DD who's going away with a girlfriend, not her partner!

I misread that! A pity he is not going away with a girl-friend, it would be very clear evidence that the marriage is over and he is at fault!

You are right, Rose, she does need to watch out for that. She should take with her to her mother's house things like her passport, photographs of the children, and so on.

Beware. I've known people before who say the don't want the children and then use them as a bargaining piece. I think he's lied before hasn't he?

The advice to sit tight is good but I don't think your daughter is going to take it. You need to get Legal Advice, sharpish to see what her options are.

It's a private rent rose so I doubt he would try that but of course you have a point.
Elegran her friend she's going away with suggested she do that.
She's never been a fan of his either

Aka yes he has. Part of the problem is that although he is their biological father he in no way behaves like one.

If he has never behaved like a father, and witnesses can prove it, he doesn't stand a lot of a chance on custody.

Agreed Elegran but he can still make it a drawn out legal process if he is the vindictive type of rat he seems to be.

Also if it's a private rent and her name is on the agreement she needs to be careful there are no financial come backs on her.