Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

I'm very happy for you

Wow enjoy smileless we having wine in garden will raise a toast! bet you been tearful i would have been.

Enjoy xx

Well the party's over and our DS is now back in Aus. When he drive away on Thursday it felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Poor boy, wet from my tears I wish I wasn't so emotional but I just can't help it. Bless him he said it was OK when I apologised for crying, it's what mum's do and he expects nothing less from me.

I wondered if he thought how hard it must be for us with his brother cutting us out of his life. I'm so upset because he's leaving even though we have 3 weeks at Christmas to spend with him and that's only 5 months away and in a few months time it will be 3 years since his brother abandoned us.

The best part of having him home was to be called mum everyday he was here. How I miss that, the deep voice of my son calling out to me, and those wonderful hugs and hearing those words 'I love you mum'.

Hope you are all well and doing OK. How's that daughter of yours doing Yogagirl; not long to wait now. Can't wait to come on and read that all is well and you've held your beautiful grand daughter for the first time.

Hello everyone
My daughter gave birth to a beautiful ( but battered) baby girl at 8am on Friday 17th July. Below is the harrow account, sorry it's so long but I've copied & paste as I just can't retype it again.

My daughter, Sarah-Jane, texted me at 21.33 to say her suppository had fallen out when she went to the toilet, so had to have another put in. It hurt so much, she cried! Unfortunately I didn’t see the txt till 21.56, I phoned her straight away and she was still crying in pain and said her bed was awash with blood! Nothing was done! This is the point I believe my daughter’s uterus was ruptured! I am amazed that the senior midwife, XXXX XXXX, did not recognize that there was something seriously wrong!

My daughter was then moved to a labour room, her contractions had started, so she phoned me & her fiancée to come to the hospital, at 23.21hrs. My daughter had already decided that she would only have the gas & air, but the pain was so great, she asked for an epidural. This seemed to take forever to work and she continued to be in great pain. She had asked for the drip to be increased, which finally a doctored did and she got some relief for a short time but it wasn’t long before the pains were intense again.

My daughter was in full labour for 8hrs, the contractions being about 1min apart! At this point I would have thought she would be getting the urge to push, but on learning later that the baby was face down and stuck, she therefore wouldn’t be getting the urge to push as the baby’s head hadn’t dropped down enough for this to happen. My poor daughter had to injure this for hours! I cannot understand how no one could see that the baby’s head was down and stuck!

My daughter was told that if she hadn’t got the urge to push by 5am then she would need to do so, this she did. Whilst trying to push the baby out, myself and her fiancée gave encouragement, however the junior midwife, who was in charge, was busy on the other side of the room entering her notes, which she had been very attentive to the whole time, I even mention this fact to her during the long night. My daughter was pushing with everything she had, still the midwife attended to her notes, but would throw over her mantra “you are doing really well, really well” I couldn’t believe she was not going to come over and help, I kept looking over to see if she was coming, between helping my daughter push, but the midwife XXXX was obviously determined to get her paperwork completed ready to go home at the end of her shift, which was looming. I have no doubt she will get an A* for her paper work, but unfortunately a few mothers & babies may die in the process!

By this time I was getting ready to deliver my daughters baby myself, as XXX the midwife obviously wasn’t. I was looking to see if the baby’s head was crowning. In hind sight I should have pushed the emergency button, to get a senior midwife in to help; hind sight is a wonderful thing!
-2-
The doctor came in and told Sarah to stop pushing, she would need a caesarean.
When the doctor went out, Sarah still in full labour asked the midwife XXXX to increase the drip as the pain was unbearable, the midwife said she couldn’t do this as Sarah was going into theatre, when the doctor came in Sarah asked her the same and she immediate increased the drip, saying “yes, yes of course!”

It seemed like about two hours before I got any news of how my daughter was. I was made to wait outside the maternity unit. When I saw the doctor/surgeon come out, I of course asked after my daughter, she told me she & baby were fine; however there had been complications that she couldn’t discuss owing to us being in the corridor. I of course was really worried now! Shortly after my daughters fiancée came out to get me and I was taken in to see mother and child. I learnt then that Sarah had suffered a ruptured uterus! Also, that my daughter had felt the surgeon’s knife, so she was put under general antistatic.

I have since learnt that death from ruptured uterus is not uncommon! Mortality ranges from 8-56% and overall 15.9% !!!! Also babies can be still born!!!!

Questions

1)Am I right in saying that my daughter’s uterus was ruptured by the midwife XXXXX at 21.33 and if so, did this result in my daughters labour problems i.e.; the baby facing face down and stuck??
2)What repercussions will my daughter have with her now stitched up uterus?
3) Why it was not detected that the baby’s face was down and stuck? A friend told me this happened to her some 40yrs before, and she had never heard of anyone else having this. Her midwives got her to put her leg up on one of their shoulders, (she had 3 midwives) and they slowly turned her and brought the baby out of the back. In other words they saw that the baby was face down!

Omg yogagirl you poor thing and your poor daughter what a dreadful ordeal I a. So sorry how incompetent of of. Mid wife I a. Appalled.

Thank god baby looks lovely from pic. Thank god it is over and now your poor daughter needs some answers!

Big hugs and many congratulations xxxxx

Yogagirl I do feel for you, as any mother of a daughter in that situation would.
If Sarah hasn't already been seen by the consultant in charge, she should ask for an interview with him or her, and ask for an explanation of what has happened, and why. She should ask if you can accompany her, if that's what she wants.
You can't assume that because something unfortunate has happened, there has necessarily been incompetence or negligence, but you are entitled to a truthful account/explanation.

I do hope your little DGD is ok and Sarah recovers before too long.

Morning girls
Thank you Celebgran & Janeainsworth
My daughter came out of hospital yesterday evening & was never given any account of what went wrong & why. Thankfully mother & child are both well but it could have ended in a double tragedy! The thought of that & the thought of the terrible pain my daughter went through, for so many hours, unfortunately, mares the happiness of the occasion.
I have had lovely cuddles with my new granddaughter and she is wonderful, as is my brave & gentle, kind Sarah-Jane.

Yogagirl-first of all many congratulations on the arrival of your lovely little granddaughter.

Please don't allow thoughts of 'what if' to spoil this special time. They're both here and the 'what if' is only a thought. It never happened/existed so you are worrying needlessly about a speculation.

As regards the birth itself-I can't comment on the specifics, but as your daughter has been discharged after only a couple of days it would appear that she has made a reasonable recovery. Attending a gc's birth isn't for everyone and perhaps this has been the case for you. A friend of mine was her daughter's birthing partner and her words were 'no mother should ever see their child in such pain.' We're not all able to handle this situation.

Don't allow these thoughts to spoil this most precious of times.

Wishing your daughter all the best in her new role!

Agree with others yogagirl but I do feel that if your daughter wants to she should be entitled to some explanation from the consultant more especially In Case there are any repercussions.

Give the baby a cuddle from me and like the others say just enjoy and try and try hard to put the ordeal behind you both.
for you both xxx

Kate I think it's quite difficult to get the 'what ifs' out of your mind.
My DD had a long and difficult labour first time around, although she was fortunate that a Consultant was on hand and took charge. DGD was stuck and DD had a high forceps delivery, but there was no reason to doubt anyone's competence, it was just one of those things that happened. When DGS was born 3 years later, everything was quick and easy.

But with DGD, the what ifs haunted me for quite a while. I hope that like me yogagirl as you watch your little DGD grow and develop, and Sarah recovers, you will be able to push those thoughts and fears into a very small corner of your mind and enjoy every minute.

Congratulations to you and your daughter Yogagirl. Thank goodness all has ended well despite her awful experience.

My eldest was also face down when he was born, the notes said 'face to pubes'. It was a long, frightening and very painful delivery and in the end the poor little mite was forceps delivered and came out blue, so distressed that he was sent to the ICU and had huge marks on either side of his little face from the pressure of the forceps. My cousin who is a midwife told me that had it been noticed he was presenting incorrectly, and it should have been, he could have been turned saving us both a lot of distress and me a lot of pain.

Now she's home with her little bundle of joy and you can be the grandmother that's been denied you for too long. I'm so pleased for you, it must be wonderful to hold your grand daughter in your arms.

Love to you both.

What ifs aren't real....they're only what might have been. Nothing of that nature happened. Why worry about something that didn't happen and allow it to taint a joyous event?

Dd2 had a very, very difficult delivery with dgs who was also stuck with a shoulder presentation. It ended with an emergency retrieval of dgs with ventouse and forceps in one hell of a hurry as both he and dd were in distress. Dd haemorrhaged as well and came within a hair's breadth of an emergency hysterectomy. so I can assure you that I've been there. I was so relieved to see my daughter sitting up and well, holding her beautiful son that all my concerns evaporated. I just wanted to hug them both for ever.

This all makes me think omg i was there few hours after little mollie was born she was born In Birthing pool but have t clue about other 2. Just try not dwell on the sadness of it all.

Sorry yogagirl this is happy time thank god your daughter and Grandaughter are fine and just enjoy every moment will drink roast to your lovely little family xx

Thank you KateK Jane & Celebgran & sorry to hear your DDs went through the mill too, sounds awful. My 1-2-1 last night said she wouldn't let her mum in the labour room for the reasons you said KateK but my D wanted me with her & I wanted to be there for her, too help, but it was horrific, I can never forget it & nor will my D. She had planned a water birth, no painrelief apart from gas&air but everything to go wrong did! But as you have all said, must focus on the now happy & healthy mother & child. My D was having trouble breast feeding, which she was getting upset about (me too, but didn't let on) but she cracked it last night and is now very happy.
I think myself & my D are perhaps more emotional due to what's happened with my EstD, it should be a time where all the family are together, celebrating, but not only did her B&S not congratulate her when she first announced her forth coming baby, but haven't even taken the time to find out if mother & child are OK! and they nearly weren't! I think we have both turned a corner with EstD after this and I really feel like washing my hands of her, how can she be so thoughtless of her once close big sister, who ,along with me was with her every step of the way with her two babies and Sarah was with me at the birth of stD first child too.
OMG! smileless can't believe you had the same problem as my DD! Sounds like they were on the ball and delt well with it, albeit very painful for you.

I think you've perhaps been a bit shocked Yogagirl - birth is traumatic and not always a happy experience. I can understand the reasons for the strong emotional ties that you and your dd have.......all the more reason to enjoy this!!

Try and put the birth to one side and deal with it in small pieces, bit at a time-as my dh says, you can't eat an elephant in a single bite! Have some you time to practice some meditative yoga!!

How heavy was baby? What's her name?

ENJOY this time Yogagirl........!! x

Retail therapy involving little dresses and outfits is also good!

Thank you KateK Yes I think we were all in shock from it all, having had three quick & straight forward (albeit painfull as hell ) pregnancys & my EstD the same ( I was with her for both) I said to my DD " you'll be the same as Jenni-ann & I, quick births!" So to be present with all that was going wrong & to think she laboured for 8 hrs & pushed with a rupture utrus!!! My DD has a friend who's sister & baby died in similar circumstances! Baby was 6lb 9ozs :-)
smileless so nice to hear how much you enjoyed your son's visit from Oz, 'parting is such sweet sorry'

A lovely dainty little girl! Get down those shops and start buying baby girl stuff! x

Morning girls
It's my day off today and it's raining!
My ND was taken back into hospital Tuesday morning as baby wasn't feeding properly & the jaundice had returned! The sore on my D side from the adverse reaction from her dressings was really bad, blistering, sore, red & oozing! I spent most of the day on Wednesday with them at the hospital, feed baby twice, changed her & had a really good bonding session whilst my D was upstairs on another ward having her wound addressed. It's not often you can say you enjoyed your visit at the hospital, but I did! :-)
They came out that evening, my D was really worried that baby wouldn't feed properly again, but she needn't have worried as baby is doing really well now, so of course that's making my D feel happy, albeit tired as all mums are. Going over to visit them sometime today, can't wait
So smileless & Celebgran if you want some joy in our sad situations, get your son's to give you a new grandbaby to love

Yogagirl if only! Keep hinting!

Steve's partner is she age as him 37 and her sons are 13and 16 so huge gap here's hoping.

We struggling as now wonder f Tor has another baby her husbands grandad put picture up on f book.

I have think of my health and husband too not been too good last few weeks had ECG last wed and my bp high she not worth being ill over she really isn't .

Glad little one feeding ok and you bonded so pleased for you.
Also glad your daughter been looked after.
Yes horrid day here now wet windy my turn take friend out lunch and shop enjoyed but crashed out now.

Good weekend to all x x

Wow feel clever uploaded that poem it makes me want to cry x

Oh your poor daughter Yogagirl, let's hope everything will go smoothly for her now. It must have been wonderful, spending that precious time with your grand daughter. Isn't this lovely, for us all to be on this thread sharing in your joy when you, I and Celebgran and many others have had so much sadness to talk about. It's so great to know that you are able to be a proper grandmother at last.

Sadly for us, due to circumstances beyond their control, it is highly unlikely that our DS and his lovely wife will have children so it seems the fates have decreed that we will never know the joy of being grandparents, even though there's one just down the road and another on the way.

Well done Celebgran, you put me to shame. I wouldn't know where to begin to upload something and it's such a lovely poem. Can you tell me who wrote it as I'd like to include it in our GC's book of poems and letters that I'm putting together to go in his memory box. I know the name of the author is on the bottom but it's too small for me to read it.

I've finally managed to settle down again since DS went back to Aus. consoling myself with the knowledge that we'll spend 3 weeks with them over Christmas.

Weather not very good here either; we're not having much of a summer are we and it's so frustrating. DH has as usual produced beautiful hanging baskets and tubs, and we can't get outside enough to really enjoy them.

Our little puppy has settled in really well and is bringing a lot of love and joy into our home. Well, I'm not sure my cats and our old boy would agree but bless him, he's doing really well and suffers in silence (most of the time) when the puppy plays with his toys.

Have a great weekend everyone, well it goes without saying that you will Yogagirl with that new baby to love; give her a hug from me.

Morning girls
Well aren't you the clever one Celebgran how did you do that, I didn't think we could on here, lovely poem. So you think your D may be having another baby, she must be hoping for a boy then, with 3 little girls already. If only God could hear & answer our prayers I've changed my prayers now, used to prayer sometimes 3/4 times a day, but now just for my GC.
Lovely to hear about your puppy smileless they certainly bring a lot of joy, I know. Never say never with your NS having a baby, strange & wonderful things do happen
I was just about to walk out the door yesterday, to visit my ND & baby, when she called to say the midwife had been there and said the baby hadn't gained weight, so they needed to go to the hospital! Hours later it turns out the home midwife had got it wrong, baby had gained weight & there was no problems! So as if my D needed, & meant I missed my visit :'( I have two helium balloons bobbing up & down in the back of my car hope to see them sometime today.
What rotten weather, I couldn't even take my little dog for walkies yesterday, so I gave her a hair cut instead & she'll have a bath today.
Nice weekend everyone

Not bragging but here goes again me and Tor will try upload this s one that made me cry.

If is tyre and her baby yogagirl is boy born in may.

. But what is the good.
Oh your poor daughter thank goodness was mistake and babe doing well.

Far as I know Steve and hid partner would like babe of their own but when?!

Meanwhile will share in yogagirl joy.

Sorry was f book thing smileless but it covers it for me.

We have bottle bubbles and easy tea cooked chicken French bread cheese nice coleslaw and salad followed by fruit better get it ready ! Been to sainsbury found 2pretty summer skirts half price and more sandals one or half price Gra treated me to gorgeous orchid bad mini hydrangea blue lovely
Happy weekend all xx

No stopping me now here is garden