Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

I haven't been around for the last couple of weeks and was do disappointed when I logged into this thread. It is supposed to be support for those cut out of loved ones lives, and I know only to well how that feels, but it has turned into self pitying and rambling rants, I failed to read some of the lists because I couldn't make sense of the language used and mis spelling.

Lucky legs do you feel that was supportive post?

We all support each other on here so. Maybe not the place for you.

Some of us are going through hell at moment.

A good article in the Telegraph "Stella" magazine today on Christmas for broken families. It reiterates much of what has been said here, but also (in the main article) tries to give a fresh perspective too.
www.Telegraph.co.uk/stella
How to fix a broken family
Talk to a therapist
Unlike a well-meaning friend, a therapist won’t judge you or take sides,’ says Christine Northam, a Relate family counsellor (relate.org.uk). ‘They’ll see the situation from your perspective and help you find a way forward
Let go of blame
Instead, try to understand how the situation arose,’ says Northam Understanding helps diffuse anger
Know your rights
If you’re a grandparent (or parent) being denied access to children, know your legal rights. ‘Grandparents are increasingly being cut out of grandchildren’s lives in bitter divorces. Seek legal advice or try a support group for estranged grandparents.’ One to try: grandparents-association.org.uk
Leave the door open
If you want to reconcile, write a letter or send an email,’ says Northam
‘Explain that you want to make up and even if you don’t get a reply any time soon, you’ve left the door open for a future reconciliation
Don’t get others involved
Explain the situation to other family members, but don’t try to get them to take sides,’ says Northam, adding that this will just cause new cracks within the family or cause existing ones to deepen
Look after yourself first
If you feel happier and safer (emotionally or physically) not having a relationship with a family member, then know that’s OK,’ says Dr Blake. Becca Bland adds that most of the people in Stand Alone’s latest study felt there were positive aspects to being estranged

Do the regular contributors to this thread this is a fair representation of the situation?

Celebgran, you are in a very bad place and have been for many years I see you need this forum. Not for me though. I fully support the posting of Alea, and those sentiments, because even if your heart is breaking, there is always tomorrow. I have to have hope.

Hi all
I haven't read any of the post yet but I've just signed a petition for grandparents rights on Estranged Grandparents, another thread on here, so we all need to sign it.

Luckylegs9
I think it most unfair of you to judge other peoples' posts as 'self pitying' and 'rambling.' If they are, so be it. To further criticise language and spelling
is very unpleasant, and not at all supportive. It defeats the object of the forum/thread.
Of course, you are entitled to post whatever you wish - but were your negative comments really necessary?

Just paused for strictly, love that programme, really lifts my spirits! as I'm sure it does for Celebgran
I read some of the posts on Friday, but had to stop half way and run..., but I remember smileless saving how tired she felt, and Celebgran said the same! I too feel tired, I think grieving for as long as we have takes it out of you and does make you feel tired.

That petition I signed is too late for me sadly, I shared on FB and asked all to share too. If it had been around when I was first 'cut out' I could have then continued seeing my beloved GC, but 3yrs on it's too late there should be a crying face on this page :'-(

I renewed my 'Will' today, making sure my estD&S do not inherit. I've asked for the words "Devoted Mother and Grandmother. Died of/with a broken heart" to be put on my Gravestone. If I'd have known when I was first 'cut out' in Nov 2012 that in Nov 2015 I would still be 'cut out' I think I would have put myself out of my misery. Fourth Xmas coming up, how can you be happy. I always loved Xmas before all this

Thank you for your post Alea
Some of it's OK, and some not. Going to a therapist that has no personal knowledge of our situation is pointless. Even Mothers & Grandmothers would not understand the full enormity of our grieving. Only those walking in our shoes would know. I do appreciate your input

louisamay Thank you

What strange person lucky legs is, I certainly am not in a bad place I feel more positive and happy than have for ages i,rather feel you are the person who is in dark hole to post so rudely.

We have good support team on here and. Have become firm friends which seems to annoy some people who try and post rude comments like yourself lucky legs.

I go on a private forum also which is closed group precisely because of people like yourself.

Yogagirl well done I signed the petition.

Hope you have had good weekend rhinestone and smilless also.
Today we met old friends for lunch and drinks at our club and it was great.

Sorry just read Louisa may post well done you out that so well.

I feel lucky legs must be rather unstable to post that rudely best ignored.

Alea there is lot sense in those comments, but sadly stand alone is a group that see it as their right to estrange loving parents and grandparents one can never generalise.

Unfortunately it is never right to be profoundly unkind enough to sever contact with loving grandparents whatever has gone wrong unless some horrendous abuse took place it is so very distressing. And heart breaking. For the children and grandparents.

To my dying day I will never understand how anyone can Hurt another person so profoundly let alone in my case someone who gave birth to you.

Life really is too short for such misery.

I agree don't involve 3rd parties and leave door open.
There is always hope but lost years can never be got back.

I suggest you retread those posts as from the 23rd Celebgran and my response to them. How can they my response be considered rude, that was certainly not my intention. I do not use emotive language, just believe looking forward and hoping. The thread is obviously helping those that use it and it it does that is a good thing for you all.

I suggest also you read louisamay post and yogagirl I am Not only one to think your comments were rude and inappropriate

Am in rush I was of course meaning luckylegs I wonder if you have come from another forum?

Lucky legs just read louisamay post.

Celeb if you have read the whole article, (not just the bit I copied and pasted) you will have seen that the writer speaks movingly and very rationally from personal experience. However I think there are occasions when one can generalise, as precisely because everybody is different so the only valid professional advice (which nobody is forced to take) has to be based on generalities.
As to the advice to seek therapy, yoga there is no promise held out of "fixing" the circumstances , only the people concerned on both sides can change anything. Bit therapy/counselling can and does affect how you deal with things in your head. For some, that may lead to a rapprochement, for others some acceptance of what cannot be changed and hopefully some peace of mind for the person's own sake.

So I was not quoting the article as a magic cure for your sorrow and loss, just in the spirit of trying to share somebody else's experience in a supportive way.

* Luckeylegs**I'm sorry you feel as you do. Maybe this is not the best forum for you then if our rants and self pitying is not your cup of tea shall we say. I have been on these posts a short time and it is helping me immensely. Where else can we rant and have others understand ? Where else can I complain and no one judges me?
We have this thing in the states. It's called " freedom of speech." How lucky we are to have it. If it makes you disappointed and uncomfortable to read this forum feel free to seek another group. No one is forcing you to stay.

I hope everyone had a good weekend.
YogagirlIm going to change our wills also. Why should those EC get anything from us? You did the right thing.
Well my daughter, whose two children I do see, came over after she and her husband went for counseling. He has a substance abuse problem and she stopped the divorce because he was going to get help. He has not changed his ways since July. His psychiatrist is giving him two weeks to go cold turkey or he will have to go to rehabilitation. So on top of the estrangement from son and stepson I have another problem to worry about. And no matter how many people tell me not to worry... I worry.
Once Christmas is over and I can run away on my vacation I will feel better. It's hard to be happy this time of year when your heart is breaking.
I'm thinking of all our hearts.

Rhinestone very very well said !

We had a lovely weekend thanks you and do hope smileless and yogsgirl did.

Off take oh to optician now but chin up rhinestone is great we are all here for each other will post more later.

Sorry alea did t read whole thread. Thanks for explaining

Yogagirl-are you saying that a counsellor/therapist/psychologist needs personal experience of every situation they deal with?

What yogagirl.meant I think is that nobody can possibly understand the huge loss and trauma unless they have experienced it.

Sadly I saw 2 counsellers who where looking st clock and obviously in it for money which they all are of course it is a business.

The first one I saw was absolutely excellent saw him for a year and sadly he retired.

Oh dear Luckylegsit would seem that this thread is no longer what you require but perhaps it would have been better if you'd simply looked elsewhere rather than refer too, and I'm assuming your reference was to the regular posters, "self pitying and rambling rants".

We know that you know how it feels, because you've posted here before and were welcomed and supported by those you are now calling "self pitying and rambling". Have I been ramblingperhaps I'm rambling now. I know for the last 2 weeks I've been feeling very sorry for myself as there's a 2 week old baby, 15 doors down the road, my grandson and I don't even know what he looks like.

I shouldn't be I know because in just under 3 weeks Mr. S. and myself are going to Aus. to spend 3 weeks with our DS and lovely d.i.l. It isn't good for me because I'm being kept awake by chest pains and shortness of breath both of which kept me away from my favourite gym class today. But, what's so important to me right now is that I CAN come on here and rant and feel sorry for myself because I know my friends will understand, will care and give me what support they can.

I'd thought that as we hadn't heard from you in a while that perhaps your situation has improved. If it hasn't I'm sorry and I hope that you'll find support elsewhere if you don't feel you can find it here but PLEASE. don't criticise my friends on this thread.

Thanks for your posts Aleamuch appreciated.

Oh smilless am Worried about you I think is the enormous,stress of the new baby and sadly is worse for you as they so close!

Please do try and relax and have you tried listening to relaxation CDs? I think they help tho is,hard to find time to set aside for this.

Chest pains and shortness of breath should be checked by dr, that's my nag over

Both yogsgirl and I had lot symptoms turned out to be the result of our heartbreak.

I have dr agin wed, and no I will explain anti depressants won't help he does p t know me v well and is trying his best, a kind dr, he caught me on a low last week do think the sedatives have helped tho.

We had great Sunday with old friends and nice lunch out few drinks st club good news they got lot more things for next door so 4 of us will join again all posiitve stuff.

God bless all and sleep well x

Thanks Celeb. I've tried listening to relaxing music but at the moment it just makes me melancholy. It is a terrible strain and we're both feeling the pressure. Bless you for the nag. I'm sure the chest pains and shortness of breath are stress related and will pass.

Did have a better day yesterday and managed to catch up on all of those jobs I should have done last week. Went to the gym this morning; I didn't really feel like going but I'm glad I did as I'm determined that I'm not going to get stuck back in the rut I found myself in a couple of years ago.

DS in Aus. had to re apply for teaching post he's held for 2.5 years. He was on a temporary contract and they were making the post permanent and I've just found out that they haven't given him the job. He's pretty fed up about it but said he knew that if an Australian applicant applied they would more than likely be given the position. They've recently taken on a much bigger house that I suppose with hindsight would have been better to wait until he knew about his job. Bless them, they wanted extra space so visitors could stay with them instead of having to do what we did last Easter and pay for accommodation. Just pleased that we'll soon be with them and can give them both a big hug and will be with DS 24/7 as there's room for us to stay with them this time.

He's pretty laid back, not like his mum, but of course it's a worry for them and us too.

Horrible day here weather wise, can't wait to get some Aus..

Have a good day everyone.

When life gives you a thousand reasons to cry,
show the world you have a million reasons to smile!