My son describes my dil as 'very, very territorial'. I had been keeping to being friendly, loving and helpful but she was frequently breathtakingly rude. I would go to bed and weep as quietly as I could manage. Then I understood.
No matter what I do I will always be 'his mother', a woman she mistakenly sees as a major rival to be fended off. It has to be on my dil's terms or my son gets the backlash. So, I have given up on my hopes,- to have the lovely, great relationship I had with my mil. All I want is for my son and his wife and new baby to be very happy. So I have stopped trying so hard, and up to press this 'semi-detached' mil is the preferred option. Things have got much better. We now chatter away!
As for my son's money, he has a wife and child. And very occasional phone calls starting with "Mum, ......." are now greeted with a smile, as I silently re-jig my finances. My son loves his wife very much, she and the baby are his first priority. But Mum's go sidewards not backwards. And like any change, getting to know the new 'rules' takes time. My mother hated my granny, I thought the world of her. I hope my dil and I will stay better attuned. I 'backed off' from being a doting mil and became a happier mil.
