Toxic people

So much understanding, so many in the same boat

Anya x

I think that, when we lose someone or are in the process of losing them we get a sort of total recall about the past and things that happened that we'd all but forgotten. From what you've said about your sister Anya, I think you 'lost' her a long time ago and her illness is reigniting a lot of the pain. Gosh; there is so much pain in some of these posts .

Lindsayjane What a sad situation for you all

Nothing hurts quite as much as family rifts.

Really sorry to hear of your sad situation with your sister, think POG'S idea sounds good,then at least you know you have done all you could

Lindsayjane - what a truly impossible situation for you to be in - how sad it must make you feel.

I think you have done so well to keep on good terms with both girls - you must have to tread on eggshells. Being there for both of them would seem the only way.

I am sorry you are having to deal with all this, and with J's ill health. One of my DDs had a severe ante-natal depression and she became a totally different person during this dreadful period; and the worst thing was that there seemed to be nothing we could do to help - that was an awful feeling.

tina you seem to be saying that I have not done all I could over the last 30+ years. Is that his is seems?

I do wish people would read all the posts before giving their advice...

First post I have put on gn & was trying to offer some support Anya it never entered my head that you haven't done all you could over last 30 years.Just thought that POGS suggesting you using SW as an intermediary would be easier for you but obviously you must do whatever is best for you hope things work out for you

Then welcome tina

I was just hoping it didn't come across that I haven't already done everything I could possibly have done. I have said a hundredth of the pain and heartbreak this woman has put us all through and how in the end we've had to retreat, all of us, so preserve our own sanity.

My last sentence had a typo. It ought to have read 'is that how it seems?' and I was just hoping it didn't sound as if we had given up easily.

Thank you for trying to offer support tina

Anya - you sound like a very caring and perceptive person and you have helped me to consider my own position in your comments on my posts. I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Family rifts are so difficult and I cannot offer any advice. I am sure you will do what is best and can only send hugs and support .

You have done your best Anya, try again and leave it. My heart goes out to those lost souls who end up all alone at the end of their lives. I try to keep love in my heart if others don't, my way would be let her know you are thinking of her and would see her if she wanted to, which she probably wont but you cannot make anyone change especially after a lifetime of her doing her own thing. A tragic waste. Keep positive and glad you have people that care for you.

I had a phone call at 10.30 tonight to tell me my estranged sister died. We has heard she was unlikely to last the weekend, but hadn't expected the end to come so suddenly. My son and daughter made contact with her a fortnight ago so they were with her at the end. She wasn't alone and for this I am glad.

No flowers please. I'm updating this just so those who were kind enough to offer support, advice and understanding will know the final outcome, and to say thank you all.

So sorry Anya. Glad that your son and daughter were there.

I am so sorry Anya but relieved she didn't die alone . I hope in time you will think back to a childhood you shared with happiness x

Sorry to hear your news, Anya

I am sorry, Anya. I have a sister like that, and what we remember most are the times when we were little, aren't they. I have to keep reminding myself that she is no longer that person.

If this is sad for you Anya, it is sad and I send condolences. Probably all family deaths, even when there is estrangement, tear little bits off our hearts. I am estranged from my own only sister and it saddens and distresses me, not least because that extends to my own family of absentdaughter and my six grandchildren. Is she toxic? I don't think so and I think it is a pretty awful way to describe someone.

Thank you for your update Anya. I suspect you will be in for a bit of an emotional rollercoaster over the next few days! It must be some comfort that she didn't die alone. Talk to us if you need to. Will you go to the funeral?

Thank you for letting us know Anya. Your hard part is starting but don't dwell, it was her choice not yours.

Kitty I'm struggling not to respond in kind to absent's post as I found it hurtful, so thanks for the invitation to 'talk'. Even saying that has helped.

No, I won't go to the funeral but I will pay for it.

Thank you for the update Anya. It's good to read that your children were with her. I have a close relative whose addictions have led to family estrangement so I empathise.

So sorry, Anya.

I also thought absent's comment unnecessarily hard and unfeeling. I have someone in my life so toxic that after the times that I have to see her, just to keep the peace with others, I feel physically sick for hours, going over and over the awful things she has said.