I've been married for 30 years to a depressive, who is also fairly high on the autistic spectrum. During the last 5 years he had severe drink problems, although I have supported him through this, and, with the help of AA, he has been dry for 5 months. Early days, but progress.
All through our married life he has totally disregarded out mutual welfare, and thought and done only for himself. OK we have discussed things, but my opinion always counted for nothing, even tho I am a fairly strong and assertive lady. He would also do stuff which, socially, would have me apologising for his behaviour. Something I refuse to do these days on the premise "it's your mess, deal with it". All this was OK when we were younger, I was stronger and far more resilient, but SOH and tolerance at his antics has run dry.
Recently he has done some truly awful stuff, leaving me financially out of pocket big time and causing a rift with friends which will be difficult to mend. None of my making...and incidentally emails/social media are poisonous, once it's out there it's out there, and this was his undoing.
I am at the end of my tether. He is truly Jekyll and Hyde, sweet and loving, and supportive then going off and doing things which have severe consequences of which he seems blithely oblivious.
He will not and has never accepted that anything is his fault. He blamed drink, stress, anti-depressants, the weather, the time of day, anything, and I have never once heard him say "this is all my doing". In short he never takes responsibility for any of the actions which have caused various trainwrecks in our lives. I love him dearly, but seriously, with this last episode feel I cannot cope any more. I'm 71, fit, active and fairly attractive, but life alone in old age without a partner who, when he is good is really lovely, feels an appalling prospect. It's just that I can't see any other way.
I booked a half hour appointment with a solicitor today, but really am in such a turmoil, still it can't hurt. Sorry to go on.
