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What would you do?

(35 Posts)
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annsixty Thu 05-Nov-15 09:29:54

I have had a dreadful night because I have been awake in the darkest hours and would welcome some others perspective on my dilemma.
My DD is going through a difficult stage of her seperation from her H and is quite unhappy. Finances are not bad but there is no money for extras and I have said we will take them on holiday next year.
Those who read my posts know my H has Alzheimers and last evening he said he won't go. I understand but what to do now!!
I havn't had a holiday for nearly 5 years and really would like one but he can't be left and doesn't think he has a problem bad enough to go for respite care and would refuse. My son would move in for a week but isn't sympathetic to his Father's needs and would spend most of the time in the room he still has here.
I don't want to let my D and GC down and I don't think she would go on her own, she needs adult company. I know this is my decision and mine alone but I would really value some thoughts.

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suzied Thu 05-Nov-15 18:09:37

Ooh yes can we help plan your break! I would suggest the Canaries, Madiera or Santorini - all beautiful in the spring .

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chrissyh Thu 05-Nov-15 18:33:48

Glad you've made the decision to go on holiday annsixty. As you say your H spends his day watching TV his day will be the same as usual with your son looking after him. Depending on the level of your H's dementia, he most probably won't realise you aren't there most of the time but, if he does, certainly won't remember once you're back that you went away without him.

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Anya Thu 05-Nov-15 23:06:37

I'm guessing you'd get a good deal in Sharm al-Sheikh if you wait a week or two!

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Anya Thu 05-Nov-15 23:07:49

Or the Maldives, I've always wanted to go there. DS and DiL had their honeymoon there.

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Coolgran65 Thu 05-Nov-15 23:53:54

Absolutely, I agree with all of the above. Your ds and DH will get through the week one way or another, maybe not just how you'd do things, but they'll be ok.

Go for it...most importantly..... No guilt trips..... Just a fun trip.

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Eloethan Fri 06-Nov-15 00:46:15

I too think you should let your son stay while you go on holiday. I'm sure you deserve and need a break and so does your daughter and grandchild. Go, and have a lovely time.

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Purpledaffodil Fri 06-Nov-15 06:13:55

This,is really only endorsing what others have said but I was told by stroke professionals that carers should "fix their own oxygen mask first". I took this advice myself and had two wonderful weeks in the USA with my brother and sister in law recently. DD was there for DH and they got on far better than I expected! I did FaceTime every day which helped DH And because of the time difference, it was done before breakfast. I came back refreshed and with a wonderful store of memories. Go for it Annsixty !

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billythequid Sat 07-Nov-15 10:27:29

Oh for sure, my first response was absolutely let your son stay and take care of him for a week. I will be good for both of them. stop beating yourself up, you must help your daughter and have something to look forward to.

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janeainsworth Sat 07-Nov-15 11:00:48

Ann enjoy that sunshine. You deserve it.
I agree with others that it will be good for your DS to look after his father for a week - he may well look back and feel glad that he was able to care for his Dad, as well as giving him more insight into what you have to cope with every day. x

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