Being told not to come to son's wedding

My understanding of this situation is that the OP's son and fiance considered marrying abroad but made the decision to marry in the UK and his parents were duly invited to the wedding. It is now claimed that they changed their minds because OP was upset at the prospect of them marrying abroad and now, blame her for the decision they've made, have had words with son's father and what IMO is an act of revenge, have withdrawn their wedding invitation.

If you're right starbird that they "feel burdened and resentful at having to pay out for a wedding at home" is that sufficient justification for un inviting his parents and refusing to respond to their attempts to sort things out?

Why on earth should we learn to keep quiet when our children enter into a relationship? It's ridiculous that some parents find themselves walking on eggshells for fear of expressing an opinion that may not be agreed with.

I understand the reality of that fear having been cut out of my son's life and my only grand children for more than 3 years. I had no idea that once they were married we had to become grinning, simpering, without a thought or opinion of our own, parents in law. That the parents' we had been for 27 years, the very people who'd welcomed her in to the family with open arms, would suddenly be viewed so negatively that we have to be kept away from our own grand children.

We taught our children to be independent as well as loving, kind and respectful; we didn't teach them to be malicious, cruel and vindictive. Our ES didn't learn those things from us, he learned them else where and thank goodness his lovely brother didn't learn those things too,

A spouse will and should always come first with each other and however hard it is, it is better for parents not to disagree with their plans. One can gently ask if they have considered following a different course of action, and of course you can express opinions if asked, but anything more implies that you still think of them as children and four not respect their ability to make their own decisions. I love what Khalil Gibran says in his book 'The Prophet' when speaking of children, he says they are not our children, but are an expression of life's longing for the future. They are part of us but we cannot be part of them, He likens the role of parents to being like a strong bow, and the children as arrows. The stronger the (archer and) bow, the further and straighter the arrow will fly.

Thanks Starbird, must read The Prophet, maybe I did long ago and have forgotten. Love the bow and arrows analogy!
I made a stupid,impulsive mistake with my son's partner at Christmas two years ago. Our relationship is now better than I had dared hope it would ever be again. The repercussions, however, affected the whole family's subsequent Chrnistmas arrangements and may well continue to do so.

Wish I'd have had all this good advise when I was first cut out 3+yrs ago!
Hope its been sorted now, as the wedding must be this weekend